Tobias: I'm afraid I might not be able to be deposed either. I got a call out of the blue for a chance to play a very important part in The Prosecution.
Michael: The prosecution called you?
Tobias: I assume it's a CBS procedural. Although they didn't send sides, so I thought I'd trot out a Vagina Monologue, or something else I know. And they did ask for old photos and documents so I went and got these out of the secret room.
Michael: The prosecution is not a TV show. It's clearly somebody in the D.A.'s office trying to get you to flip. These guys will bend the law to enforce the law.
Tobias: Tell me that's not a CBS franchise.

Michael: And so you just finished off the bottle?
Lindsay: Well, I had to. It's vodka. It goes bad once it's opened.
Michael: I think that's another one of Mom's little fibs. You know, like "I'll sacrifice anything for my children."

Michael: You're going to rehab again?
Lucille: I'm bringing Lindsay. I'm worried about her.
Lindsay: Did you get the corkscrew?
Michael: So there's going to be wine at the rehab, huh?
Lindsay: Well, wine only turns into alcohol if you let it sit.
Michael: [to Lucille] How do you come up with these?

Michael: So you weren't doing anything for Dad?
Gob: Well, Dad- I mean, he had said if I happened to be in the neighborhood of Sadr City or Momoon would I mind torching a couple model homes.

[flashback:]
Maeby: Well, I just poured Mom into bed. Would it kill her to let some vodka go bad?
George Michael: Oh, no, vodka doesn't-

Michael: Mom and Lindsay are pretending to be in rehab. I can't get a hold of Dad. And I have to fly to Iraq myself to get Gob.
George Michael: Do you have to go by yourself?
Buster: Let me go with you. I was trained by Army. I speak the language.
Michael: You speak Arabic?
Buster: [throaty cough]
Michael: What's that mean?
Buster: No, I was just clearing my throat, but I think it actually does mean "laundry" but like, a child's laundry. We don't really have a word for it. But this is exactly what I need to prove to my love that I'm a hero, not a coward. And I have my uniform here. Mother brought it for the photo shoot.

Narrator: Michael was preparing his sister for her upcoming deposition in the case against their father.
Michael: If they say "Did you know of any financial improprieties," you'll...
Lindsay: Unbutton my shirt a bit and give him this look.
Michael: Not really sure what you're going for there.
Lindsay: Yeah, I'm sorry, I drank a lot last night.
Michael: Yeah, why were you drinking?
Tobias: If I look like a man who made love to his wife last night, it's because I almost did.
Lindsay: That's why.

Michael: I'm serious, Tobias. Why else would they want all these documents?
Tobias: For set dressing, silly. Those Hollywood shows are so incredibly detailed.
[Tobias opens a kitchen cupboard to reveal only a disposable coffee cup]

Michael: We all have to be careful, okay? The prosecution is going to be coming after all of us.
George Michael: Including me?
Michael: Hmm? No. You don't have any secrets.
George Michael: Oh. Yeah, no, I... Um, hey, speaking of that, uh... It's actually her birthday soon, so I thought we could all do something for her.
Michael: Whose birthday?
George Michael: Maeby's. I was changing the subject. We... No, yeah, we weren't talking about Maeby. But she's been feeling kind of left out of the family lately and I thought maybe we could throw her a surprise party, you know.
Narrator: Actually, he'd already told her about it.

Lindsay: Oh, my gosh. Our little girl's turning 14.
Tobias: Well, I am off to buy the perfect present. Maybe she'd like a suit like this.
Narrator: That is her suit.
Tobias: They probably don't make it in a woman's though.
Narrator: They only make it in a woman's.
Tobias: Well, I'm off, my love.