Michael: But you got one of these too, didn't you? Y-You bought Lindsay at the same auction.
Tobias: Well, yes, but I'm afraid I prematurely shot my wad on what was supposed to be a dry run, if you will. So now I'm afraid I have something of a mess on my hands.
Michael: It's just- There's so many poorly chosen words in that sentence.

Michael: Now tell me what you found out at Sitwell.
Lindsay: Oh. You still want me to do that?
Michael: You didn't? Lindsay, I give you one thing to do for the business, and you can't even do it. I mean, if you'd tried and failed, I'd understand, but you didn't even try.
Lindsay: So, I didn't even fail, and I don't see you giving me credit for that.

Michael: Michael Bluth arrived home to find his mother, Lucille in a state of agitation.
Lucille: I think the company's in trouble.
Michael: What tipped you? The falling profits or that we're a regular feature on Bill O'Reilly's "Most Ridiculous Item of the Day"?
Lucille: I'm talking about the fact that my "friend" Lucille Austero bought our company and I think she's going for a power grab, [shouts] that bitch!
Michael: You're not at home, Mom. She doesn't live next door when you're here.

Lucille: She'll sell the company or break it up into little parts or something all under the guise of "caring" about our family.
Michael: Gotta stop quoting when you drink. I certainly hope she's not planning a move.
Lucille: I wouldn't put it past her. She'd love to get at me any way she could. That's why she's been flirting with Gob. She's trying to prove that she's closer to my children than I am, but the joke's on her, because she doesn't know how little I care for Gob.
Michael: Think that makes the joke on Gob.

Michael: Why don't you take this? I don't have anyone to go with anyway.
Tobias: Can you imagine how jealous that would make her? "Where's Tobias?" "Oh, he's just sharing a romantic horseback ride with Michael Bluth and they're dipping each other in"- Oh, you didn't get any body chocolate.
Michael: I- I didn't mean with me. I- I hate to see you struggle like this. In fact, why don't you let me ask her for you?
Tobias: Well, Michael, you really are quite the Cupid, aren't you? I tell you, you can zing your arrow into my buttocks anytime.
Michael: Okay. You know what you do? Buy yourself a tape recorder. Record yourself for a whole day. I think you're gonna be surprised at some of your phrasing.
Tobias: [gasps] Butterscotch! Want a lick?

Lucille: Buster. Nice of you to take a break from that common whore you've been dating.
Buster: She is not a whore, Mother. She happens to be the new secretary of the Bluth Company. And, yes, she's more experienced than a normal girl. But sometimes love should be terrifying.
Narrator: In fact, Buster had even started using his army stealth training.
[flashback to Buster in Starla's bathroom:]
Starla: [o.s.] Buster.
Buster: I'll be right in, and then maybe we can talk about... [cuts the window net with his army knife] Makin' that love. [climbs out the window]
[present:]
Lucille: I shouldn't complain. It's better than you dating Lucille 2, [shouts] that bitch! [Michael gives Lucille a thumbs up]
Buster: Lucille 2's not a "B," Mother. She's kind, and she's caring and she's certainly less experienced than that [shouts] whore that I'm dating now.
Narrator: And perhaps it was screaming it out loud that made Buster realize that he missed Lucille 2.

Buster: How'd you like to take a nap, baldy?
Gob: I'll handle this. She's my girlfriend, pal. Take him down, Buster.
Buster: Your girlfriend? That's why you were in her robe and slippies. You weren't trying to get into her head. You were trying to get into her... robe and slippies. She's my girlfriend!

George Michael: Was that Gangie who was just- [slips]
Michael: You all right? Sorry. Your grandmother had a little accident here.
George Michael: Oh. Does that mean she's gonna have to come live with us?
Michael: No, no. No. It was- It was her drink, and even if it wasn't, just...

Narrator: So Michael embarked on the romantic adventure he'd spent so lavishly for.
Tobias: Well, you certainly didn't help with my reputation as a lady's man with Jeff. But we'll clear all that up in the spa when I get my facial.
Michael: Hey, did you ever get that tape recorder?
Tobias: [chuckles] You're funny. Come on, boy. Hoo-cha-cha!

Michael: So what do you say? We got a basketful of father-son fun here.
George Michael: What's Kama Sutra oil?
Michael: Maybe it's not for us.