Narrator: Michael decided to head George Michael off before he could get to the club's lobby with a small lie.
Michael: [on the phone] Hey, buddy, it's Dad. Um, I am having real trouble getting up there. This traffic is unbelievable.
Narrator: Which led to a slightly bigger lie.
Michael: We got a light aircraft right in the middle of the freeway. You know?
Narrator: And then some effort to make it foolproof.
Michael: And the kicker is that there's no news crew. I mean, I guess they can't get in either 'cause of the traffic, so no one's going to be able to see this.
Narrator: But perhaps, had Michael not have lied, he wouldn't have felt suspicious when, moments later, he received a return call from his son...
George Michael: You know what? I bet we're sitting in the exact same traffic. This is a mess.
Narrator: ...canceling the get-together entirely.
George Michael: Oh, God, they're forcing us off. They're closing the lanes.

Narrator: Even though it was only 100 miles from her hometown of Newport Beach, the desert created a whole new value system for Lindsay Bluth.
Lindsay: I'd give $20,000 for a lemonade right now.
Narrator: For the most part.

Narrator: Because Lindsay could only spend so many hours with a shrill, feathered creature
Lucille Austero: [squawks] You look marvelous in that! Look.
Lindsay: I can't believe how I've missed the feel of anything that isn't hemp.
Lucille Austero: And try this on. Isn't that funny? I used to wear that with the Captain. And I was...
Lindsay: Tennille?
Lucille Austero: And not make eye contact, yes! Oh, what am I gonna do, cut it down for my foster child?
Narrator: That is what she wanted to do, until he threatened to call Social Services.

Marky Bark: I knew you wouldn't be on board with this, Lindsay. I'm sorry to say this, but you are losing your passion.
Lucille: What passion?
Marky Bark: Oh.
Lindsay: You don't even look at me. I don't know if I've said this before, it's not important or anything but I'm really, really pretty.
Marky Bark: I'm the straightest guy you know!
Lindsay: Why does every man feel like they have to say that to me?

Lindsay: Ooh, a Neiman's catalog.
Narrator: But it was what she found stuck inside the catalog that got her attention. And that's when she found the mother lode.
Lindsay: "From Gangie for facelift." What a load of... Mother.
Narrator: And this time, she did make a court appearance.
Lucille: Cheryl, you've got no backhand! I'm working the whole court, and you keep hitting the balls [bleep] high. Oh, great, looks like we've got another high-end hooker in here.
Lindsay: Oh, thank you, Mother.

Lindsay: I want to talk to you about a check for plastic surgery.
Lucille: I already wrote you a check for that.
Narrator: Lucille had, back when Lindsay thought she was only 12 years old.
[flashback:]
Young Lucille: New nose.
Narrator: Worrying it would hurt her daughter's feelings...
Young Lucille: Put a "Y" on there.
Narrator: ...she put a fun spin on it.
Young Lucille: "Nosy."
[present:]
Lucille: And you should be thanking me for that. You looked like a can opener.

Lindsay: No, a check for my daughter. She's gorgeous. And I love her just the way she is.
Lucille: When was the last time you saw her?
Lindsay: She's been living with her father the past year, and it's been... Really hard.
Lucille: I'll be out on parole by the time you work up a tear.

Lucille: What makes you think I wrote a check to your daughter, nosy?
Lindsay: It came to the penthouse.
Lucille: Well, well. Little Miss Lives-Off-the-Land is living in my penthouse.
Lindsay: Okay, so you figured it out, Gene Parmesan.
Lucille: Just goes to show, the apple does not far from the tree fall.
Lindsay: I am like you nothing. You're not even my real mother. I am a political activist.
Lucille: Oh, you're a lot more like me than you know, sister. Except I can back up my bad choices. I'm doing hard time.
Prison Guard: Your 3:00 p.m. hot rock massage is open.

Narrator: Lindsay andher boyfriend Marky arrived in, get this, Beverly Hills to prepare for their act of glittery social protest. But Lindsay was having second thoughts.
Lindsay: Marky, look, um, I have this check that my mother wrote for my daughter. It can buy us a lot of leaflets against Love. And also a lot of Nature's Miracle. There's a huge sale going on right now at Petco.

Maeby: I thought you were supposed to be sticking it to the man, not the other way around.
Lindsay: Maeby. You think he likes me that way?
Maeby: No, Mom, that's Herbert Love, the man you're here to protest.
Herbert Love: [to TV cameras] And I hear the guy with the bomb snuck up here from Mexico. That's why I say, we have got to build a wall between us and Mexico.
Lindsay: Oh, no.
Maeby: How could you not recognize him?
Narrator: In fairness to Lindsay, it was Marky's face-blindness that led him to mistake this photo for the candidate. Why Lindsay failed to recognize musical icon Nat King Cole cannot be explained.