Lucille: You're the only child who chose a spouse I liked, and she's the one who had to die.
Michael: I know. That's rough for you.

Lucille: I mean, she's been a family friend for years. It's just... creepy.
Michael: Hi, buddy. Mom, I think you might be overreacting.
Lucille: She changed him as a baby.
Michael: Okay. That- That's about the creepiest thing I've ever heard.
Buster: That's why she didn't look surprised.

Michael: Stupid. Stupid chair. Very stupid chair. But it's also this stupid model home furniture. Maybe I oughta get myself one of those nice leather chairs from work.
George Michael: People can take chairs home from work?
Michael: Well, not everybody. But I'm the president of the Bluth Company since Dad's in jail. And it's okay if I take a little something from work, you know?
George Michael: Yeah, but isn't that why Grandpa's in jail, because he took things from work?
Michael: You're a good kid, you know that?
George Michael: I mean, a chair costs money, so it's like stealing, and you always say...
Michael: Not stealing. Not. Okay, I'm the one that taught you stealing is bad, all right? I'm just saying, you know, if I got a leather chair, okay? And I get to lean back... Oh, this one's gonna go. [chair breaks]

Lindsay: Leather chair? So, you're against stealing, but skinning cows is cool with you.
Michael: I'm fine, by the way. Frankly, your concern is getting embarrassing. Since when are you against leather?
Maeby: Yeah, you're not even a vegetarian.
Lindsay: I'm not against the insides. People need meat to survive.
Michael: You are aware they don't remove it from the cow surgically, right?

Michael: Okay. Before I leave this place for the last time ever, has anyone seen Gob?
Buster: I saw him last night at the Playtime Pizza Theater. On my date. Of which I have another one tonight. And I'm going to continue dating, Mom.
Michael: Sounds a little bit like "dating Mom."
Buster: It's starting to feel a little like it.
Michael: Hmm.

Lindsay: You are too nice.
Michael: Oh, come on. What was I supposed to do? Tell her that Gob is not staying here? Tell her Gob is screwing around on her? God knows where he is? Actually, that-that sounded okay.
Lindsay: Nah, you'll never be able to do it. You're too good. You're the noble one.
Michael: Thank you.
Lindsay: The one who never wins.
Michael: l-I don't know about that.
Lindsay: The loser. The fool.

Maeby: She is such a hypocrite. Doesn't it drive you nuts?
George Michael: Crazy. Wait. Who is? Which part?
Maeby: My mom. She pretends to care about all these causes.
Narrator: Lindsay had always been celebrated for her wine and cheese charity fund-raisers.
[montage of photographs of Lindsay and Tobias hosting dinners in front of banners proclaiming "No More Meat", "No More Fish", "More Meat and Fish!"]

Maeby: I mean, now she's anti-leather? Let's see how she feels when her daughter's pro-leather. Wanna go shopping with me? I bet you could get something cool.
Narrator: In fact, George Michael had been trying to prove to Maeby that he was macho, after an embarrassing brush with her.
[flashback:]
Maeby: Your legs look exactly like mine, and I just shaved mine.
George Michael: So I'm thinking of getting a motorcycle.
[present:]
George Michael: I'm gonna need a leather jacket when I'm on my hog and need to go into a controlled slide.

Michael: Mom, I'm looking for Gob. There's some people after him, and I don't know whether it's gambling or what but, um, they wanna break his legs.
Lucille: It's a good thing he's already got that little scooter. [laughs] Oh, don't give me that look. I happen to be a more caring mother than most.
Buster: Where's my bed?
Lucille: I put it in storage. I guess you'll just have to decide which Lucille you want to spend your nights with.

Gob: No, he's a magician. He replaced me in the Alliance. He's the reason I gotta do my act in this hellhole.
Michael: Why does he wanna break your legs?
Gob: He doesn't wanna break my legs. He wants to take my legs.
Michael: l- I don't-
Gob: The legs. The bottom half of my saw-the-lady-in-half trick. [taps box] No, not now. I'm showing him how to do the trick. Two chicks curl up in a box. We call one the head and one the legs.
Boy: So that's how they do it.
Gob: God, I gotta stop giving these things away.