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Visiting Ours

‘Visiting Ours’

Season 1, Episode 6 - Aired December 7, 2003

Michael needs Gob's help to get information about the international account from George Sr.'s former secretary. Meanwhile, Michael arranges a conjugal visit between his mother and father.

Quote from Lucille

Michael: [answers phone] Hey, Mom.
Lucille: Are you aware we've been downgraded to being just pool members at the club now?
Michael: Yeah, it's a real shame what's going on with this family. You're stuck by the pool, and Dad's getting picked last for softball.
Lucille: Nonetheless, Michael, you can free up a little company money to get back our golf privileges.
Michael: No, I can't. Mom, you don't even play golf.
Lucille: No, but I use the clubhouse dining room until I was turned away today. It's embarrassing. [to the waiter] Take it back! If I wanted something your thumb touched, I'd eat the inside of your ear! [on the phone] You should see the looks I'm getting. If you can't free up the cash, have your father call the club president.
Michael: I've got news for you, Mom. I'm not visiting Dad in jail anymore. [Lucille gasps as she looks at her food] No, I've had it. I'm down there every single day, I'm trying to do what I can to get this company back on track and he barely even acknowledges me.
Lucille: That is disgusting! Talk to your father. [holds up a curly fry] I will not stand for this!


Quote from George Michael

George Michael: So you think they'll get divorced?
Maeby: I don't care. And I'm not saying "I don't care" like kids who say they don't care when they really do 'cause I really don't care.
George Michael: Right. I know. Who cares, right?
Maeby: I mean, I care. How could you not? You know, our family's really messed up.
George Michael: I know. We're the only normal ones.
Maeby: At least we got each other. Right? [they hug] George Michael?
George Michael: Sorry. Sometimes I don't know if it's gonna be a long or short hug or a middle-medium hug. It's hard to tell sometimes. Yeah, that was a good hug. That's plenty for now. [Maeby closes the door] Hug's gotta end sometime, obviously.

Quote from George Sr.

George Michael: Hey, Pop-Pop. How's prison?
George Sr.: I'm gonna die in here.
George Michael: What?
George Sr.: They're gonna kill Grandpa. Uh, I gotta... I gotta get outta here. I'm an innocent man. You gotta help Pop-Pop get outta here. Give me your hair.
George Michael: My hair?
George Sr.: Give Pop-Pop your hair!
Prison Guard: No touching! No touching! No touching!
George Sr.: Give me the hair!
Michael: [enters] One of these got smooshed, but don't let that ruin prison for you.
George Sr.: No batter. No batter. No batter.

Quote from Michael

Michael: How are you doing?
George Michael: I'm fine, I guess. It's just... You think of prison as this place full of guilty people and it doesn't bother you that much. But if Pop-Pop could be there, then anybody could be there. And I don't wanna go to prison, Dad. I don't think I could take it. I know I act tough, but I...
Michael: Is this what you're worried about? 'Cause I got news he's, uh... He's guilty.
George Michael: He is?
Michael: Oh, yeah. Incredibly guilty.

Quote from Lindsay

Tobias: You're the one who needs therapy!
Narrator: Meanwhile, Lindsay and Tobias prepared for their first session with a therapist.
Lindsay: Yes, Tobias, I want the marriage to work. I just don't know if therapy is the answer.
Tobias: Because you didn't respect my old career, and you certainly don't respect my new one!
Lindsay: You don't have a new one!

Quote from George Michael

George Michael: Okay, so, why are we doing this?
Maeby: 'Cause it's obvious they're lying. Come on, drive!
George Michael: Well, what if they see us?
Maeby: How are they gonna see us?
George Michael: It says "Bluth Company" right on the side. Plus, it's a stairway. That's gonna catch the eye.

Quote from George Michael

Maeby: You are scared. I knew it.
George Michael: No, I'm not scared. It's just that I have plans later. l-I'm visiting Pop-Pop.
Maeby: You visit Pop-Pop?
Narrator: In fact, he'd been terrified of the very notion of prison since, as a young boy, he accidentally watched HBO's Oz mistaking it for the classic Judy Garland musical.
Man: [on TV] I'm an innocent man! Eat it, bitch!

Quote from Tobias

Lindsay: It's like we're face to face now, like we're really seeing this marriage and I'm afraid it's a lie.
Tobias: [slow claps] Bravo. If I gave a performance that good, I'd have my own Alias type show.
Lindsay: Stop it. I am so sick of hearing about acting, acting, acting!

Quote from Michael

George Michael: You always say family first. I should see my grandpa, right?
Michael: I'm not stopping you. It's just, after this I'm not going back there.
George Michael: Why? Is it scary?
Michael: Scary? No. No. It's the opposite of scary. It's like a carnival. Without the half-person on the skateboard that grabbed your knee to steady himself. It's like a country club. All the guy does is eat ice cream and play softball all day.

Quote from George Sr.

Michael: Well, she's certainly toughened up since then. She's eating lunch by the pool now.
George Sr.: Well, there's a big difference between the country club pool and the conjugal trailer.
Michael: That's not what I meant when I said "visit."
George Sr.: It's too bad. I really miss that personal contact. It was the one thing that calmed me when I got stressed. It just felt humanizing.
Narrator: Michael, for the first time saw his father as a vulnerable human being.
George Sr.: [whimpers] Daddy horny, Michael. I just haven't had sex in a month.
Michael: You know, you've been here two months.
George Sr.: It's hard to gauge time.
Michael: Yeah, I'll bet.

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