Previous Episode Next Episode 
Hand to God

‘Hand to God’

Season 2, Episode 12 -  Aired March 6, 2005

Buster adjusts to life without his left hand after an incident in the ocean. Michael tries to learn the truth about Maggie Lizer (Julia Louis-Dreyfus).

Quote from Maeby

Narrator: In fact, she was overseeing a remake of The Old Man And The Sea for the film studio where she'd bluffed her way into a job.
Maeby: What on earth is taking so long? Am I the only one who wants to get home and see their kids?


Quote from Lucille

Narrator: And back at the penthouse, Lucille was praying for the second time in her life.
Lucille: Lord, let Buster forget everything. And if you need to take another hand to make that happen, please make it Gob's.

Quote from Lucille

Lucille: How's my son?
Doctor: He's going to be all right.
Oscar: Oh, thank God.
Lindsay: Finally some good news from this guy.
George Michael: No other way to take that.
Doctor: That's a great attitude. I gotta tell you, if I was given this news, I don't know that I'd take it this well.
Lucille: But you said he was all right.
Doctor: Yes. He's lost his left hand, so he's going to be "all right."
Lucille: You son of a bitch! I hate this doctor!
Michael: He's a very literal man.
Doctor: Yes, that's more the way I would take the news.

Quote from Gob

Narrator: In fact, the skipper had already rented his boat to be shot in Maeby's film. So neither he nor Gob were prepared for the challenges of using cats to catch a seal.
Gob: God! It's like herding cats.

Quote from Michael

Narrator: And later, Lucille could not contain her guilt any longer.
Lucille: I did this. I prayed that God take anything he wanted from us so that Buster wouldn't have to go to war.
Michael: Oh, Mom. After all these years, God's not gonna take a call from you.

Quote from George Michael

Narrator: Michael was looking for his son with whom he had a secret to share.
Michael: There you are. Hey, pal. You alone?
George Michael: Almost always, yeah. You know, Maeby's never around anymore and Ann's off with her religious group, trying to get Nip/Tuck taken off the air.
Michael: They don't like Nip/Tuck?
George Michael: Well, you know, they don't like anything. Something about God wants people to age naturally... I don't know. Ironically, she likes Gangie.

Quote from Lucille

Narrator: In fact, Michael's family had just gotten a little smaller.
Michael: [answers phone] Hello?
Lucille: [screams down the line]
Michael: Mom, you've got to stop starting conversations like that.
Lucille: Something happened to Buster. He lost part of his body. I don't know which one.
Oscar: The hand.
Lucille: I told him to stay out of the ocean, but we had a fight. Who remembers about what?
Narrator: I do. Buster had discovered that his Uncle Oscar was his true father. As an act of defiance to Lucille, he first went swimming in the ocean, where he was attacked by a loose seal.

Quote from Lucille

Lucille: Oh, that George. God only knows where he is.
Oscar: [screams] The car!
George Sr.: Up yours, granny!
Lucille: [screams] You couldn't handle it!

Quote from Lucille

Narrator: Soon, Michael and George Michael arrived at the hospital.
Lucille: If something happens to Buster, I'll be lost.
Michael: Yeah. Excuse me.
Lucille: George Michael, you're going to have to be the baby of the family.
George Michael: Um, Maeby's younger than me.
Lucille: You're never going in the ocean! Never!

Quote from Buster

Buster: Actually, I'm relieved. I don't have to go to army because the seal with the bow tie attacked me. I feel like I've lost three pounds.
Michael: Seal with the bow tie?
Buster: Yeah. I think that's what I saw bite me. Now I just wish I could remember why I went in the ocean. Did we fight or something?
Lucille: Of course not. Although I always have warned you against the ocean. So has your father.
Buster: My father?
Lucille: George Sr. You need more juice. Where's the juice? Give my son the juice!

Page 2