Maeby: So bring Ann.
George Michael: No, that's not her kind of thing. I mean, if it maintains any of the complex eroticism of the French original anyway. I like the way they think.

Narrator: And George Michael tried to break up with Ann.
George Michael: I can't go out tomorrow night, 'cause there's this movie premiere at- It's kinda racy, but-
Ann: Oh, the cousin one? I can't believe it. I was just gonna ask you to go.
George Michael: You want to see that?
Ann: No, I want to get the whole church group together. We're gonna picket those bastards.
[flashback:]
Narrator: George Michael had only heard Ann swear once before when he joined some of her youth group to protest the home of Marc Cherry, executive producer of the hit show Desperate Housewives.
Marc Cherry: It's a satire!
Protesters: [chant] There's nothing funny about fornication!
Ann: The bastard saw us! [kisses George Michael]

Michael: [on the phone] Since you're devastating people, tell Gob I'll be telling the cops it was him in the truck so he'll be joining me here. I've got a nice, hard cot with his name on it.
Lucille: You'd do that to your own brother?
Michael: I said "cot."

Buster: Where's Mother? You lied to me. You said my father was my father, but my uncle is my father. My father is my uncle!

Maeby: George Michael? Are you protesting this?
George Michael: This isn't the line?
Ann: Yes, he is protesting this. He even helped me make the signs.
George Michael: Well, only mine and the one that says, "This is a tricky, gray area."

Maeby: Hey, remember that French movie we tried to sneak into once, Dangerous Cousins?
George Michael: No, l-Why? Did we- I don't remember that, no.
Narrator: George Michael remembered very well. In fact, he currently had a copy of the DVD hidden in his sock drawer.
George Michael: Kind of. [closes sock drawer] Why do you ask?

Barry: Gob is bringing your father. Everything is going to work out fine.
Michael: Well, I wish they'd hurry up. But you know what, Barry, I gotta tell you, I am a little torn. I mean, my father, he has created a lot of problems for the family and by staying in the attic he was ensuring I would go to jail with him, but... Well, maybe I'm not so torn.

Dave: Okay, I checked underneath, and there is a problem. You know this isn't a real house?
Michael: It's a model house.
Dave: Well, the drain pipes aren't hooked up. Just empty under the house. Plus, there's a lot of blue paint down there.
Michael: And some pieces of denim?
Dave: Yeah.
Michael: We've got a guy like that here.
Dave: Well, that's why your living room is sinking. And I think the city's gonna have to red-tag it.

Michael: The city is sending out an inspector. They're gonna be crawling over every inch of this place. You're going to need to leave.
George Sr.: Where the hell do you want me to go? Back to your mother's? I believe there's a freeloading loser in my bed.
Michael: You know, Buster just lost a hand. He's going through a lot.
George Sr.: I'm talking about Oscar.
Michael: Oh, yes. Your brother. I can see why that would bug you.

Maeby: Well, I got passes to the premiere of the American remake. Supposed to be great.
Narrator: It wasn't great, and Maeby knew it. The studio at which she'd finagled a job had hoped to avoid controversy by artlessly explaining that the two leads weren't biological cousins.
[flashback:]
Woman: [on screen] Shut up and kiss me!
Maeby: Where is everybody?
Mort Meyers: They've been fired. And you gotta fix this, or you're gonna be fired too. Cut it down if you have to.
Maeby: But it's only 71 minutes long.
[present:]
Maeby: And it's only, like, 63 minutes long.