George Michael: Oh, no, it's my Dad. I'm supposed to be at work.
Maeby: You know, George Michael, you worry too much. It's Sunday. You're allowed to have a couple of hours off. You don't see me nervous about being on my third Virgin Mary.
George Michael: Why would you be nervous? There's no alcohol in a Virgin Mary.
Maeby: There isn't? This is unbelievable. Can I get a virgin pina colada when you get a chance? Now we'll get things started.

Lucille: Your brother Buster wants to meet me at the beach tomorrow. Do you know what this is about? Because if it's about going in the ocean the answer is no, he's not going in the ocean.
Michael: Well, there are bigger dangers, Mom. Like, say, signing him up for the army during wartime.
Lucille: What the hell was I supposed to do? Michael Moore confronted me in front of the whole country.
Michael: First of all, it wasn't Michael Moore. It was a look-alike. And it wasn't in front of the whole country. It was for a bit on Jimmy Kimmel Live.
Lucille: I don't know who that is, and I don't care to find out.

Lindsay: You know what? Tobias and I will break into her house and get the specimen. We've been looking for a little excitement.
Tobias: Yeah! It'll be fun. We will be like Tracy and Hepburn. [as Katharine Hepburn] "What do you say, you old poop?"
Lindsay: Oh, God, he's Hepburn.

Michael: We need to speak to you about getting a divorce for Gob.
Barry: Oh, well, I got Michael out of his marriage, didn't I? [raises hand for high-five]
Michael: Actually, she died.
Barry: You're kidding me. I've been taking credit for that for years.
Michael: Credit?

Narrator: And later that day, Michael caught Lindsay up on the emotional bond he was forming with Sally.
Lindsay: Oh, big deal, three times. I've had three times plenty of times.
[flashback to Lindsay in bed alone:]
Lindsay: [groans] Yes!
Tobias: [enters] Did you call my name?
Lindsay: Absolutely not.

Gob: Oh, how delicious!
Michael: Oh, hey, let's not spin in the comfy chair.
Gob: Look at this delicious piece of irony. I'm being sued for divorce. Me.
Michael: Thought you were single?
Gob: Yeah, I keep forgetting that I got married.

Tobias: Oh, a pregnancy test. [chuckles] There's something we never had, huh, Lindsay? Oh, no. We had to create our little Frankenstein monster out of science and money and just a dash of- Maeby, what- H-How long have you been standing there?
Maeby: I just walked in.
Tobias: Just walked in. [chuckles] Seems like only yesterday you were bursting forth from your mother's fertile womb.

Narrator: Michael was having brunch with Sally Sitwell.
Sally Sitwell: I still can't believe we got in. This place is usually so packed on Sundays.
Narrator: In addition to its Sunday popularity the bistro was also famous for something called the Skip's Scramble, an egg dish that contained everything on the menu. Don't order the Skip's Scramble.

Michael: I want to introduce you to Sally. This is George Michael. My niece, Maeby.
Sally Sitwell: It's nice to meet you.
George Michael: I just shut down the banana stand for a half an hour. You know, I can keep it open late tonight if you-
Michael: No. Hey. Come on. Make me sound like a taskmaster. [quietly] But if- if you want to keep it open an extra hour, you know...

Sally Sitwell: You know what? I'm gonna meet you in a few minutes, okay?
Michael: Okay.
Sally Sitwell: And maybe we'll work on breaking that record, huh?
Michael: Okay. [to George Michael] She's a shot-putter. And I'm dating her. But I just want to make sure that you're comfortable with everything.
George Michael: Well, of course. We could double-date. You and Sally and me and Ann.
Michael: Who?
George Michael: Wh- Ann.
Michael: Yes. Yes. Yeah, we had- Of course I know Ann. Yeah, see, I didn't mean "who." I meant, uh, "her." That's a great idea. I love Ann.
George Michael: Great.
Michael: [walks past Ann] Excuse me, ma'am.