TV Quotes

Michael: So why are you in your robe?
Gob: I camped out in the boardroom last night. What with you kicking me out of your house there are few places left that you have that I can stay.
Michael: Hmm. Well, you can't stay here either.
Gob: Let me ask you something. Is this a business decision, or is it personal? 'Cause if it's business, I'll go away happily. But if it's personal, I'll go away. But I won't be happy.
Michael: It's personal.
Gob: I am so sorry.

Michael: Where are you getting all the money?
Lindsay: It's not costing you anything.
Michael: Unless you're stealing or working, I'm pretty sure it is.
Lindsay: That's right. I stole it.
Narrator: In fact, Lindsay, tired of wearing last year's fashions went to an upscale department store and in a moment of desperation applied for a job.
Lindsay: Can I have a job application please?
Narrator: But she was ashamed of being a shop girl and was relieved when Michael gave her the out.
Lindsay: Well, they expect a certain amount of theft, Michael. It's built into the price. If I didn't take it, then people would be overpaying for nothing.

Lindsay: She can't drive herself. I mean, she's the world's worst driver.
Narrator: Lindsay was not exaggerating. Lucille had recently been featured on Fox's World's Worst Drivers.
Michael: Yeah. I can't believe she got that driver's license renewed.
Gob: She didn't. I dummied her up a new one. Not my best work though. She wanted to look 48. I nearly airbrushed her into oblivion. We ended up checking "Albino" on the form.

Gob: Oh, how delicious!
Michael: Oh, hey, let's not spin in the comfy chair.
Gob: Look at this delicious piece of irony. I'm being sued for divorce. Me.
Michael: Thought you were single?
Gob: Yeah, I keep forgetting that I got married.

Michael: [to Maeby] Ah, hey. Did that Murphybrown thing upset you?
George Michael: Oh, did that actress die? Oh, [bleeps] you, 2015.
Michael: Oh, no, this is different.

Michael: And so you just finished off the bottle?
Lindsay: Well, I had to. It's vodka. It goes bad once it's opened.
Michael: I think that's another one of Mom's little fibs. You know, like "I'll sacrifice anything for my children."

Lucille: Get me a vodka, rocks.
Michael: Mom, it's breakfast.
Lucille: And a piece of toast.