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‘The One Where Michael Leaves’ Quotes Page 1 of 3    

Arrested Development: The One Where Michael Leaves

201. The One Where Michael Leaves

Aired November 7, 2004

Michael is ready to leave his family and their troubles behind as he and George Michael head to Arizona.

Quote from Michael

Narrator: This is Michael Bluth. Right now he's taking his son, George Michael, to start a new life in Arizona.
Michael: Phoenix, Arizona, huh? This is it, boy. We are free. We're gonna follow our dreams, you know? And the best part of it? Not workin' for the family anymore.
George Michael: Yeah, but don't- don't you always say "family first"?
Michael: Yes, I do. But that is not a family, okay? They're a bunch of greedy, selfish people who have our nose. And Aunt Lindsay.
George Michael: She's not my real aunt?
Michael: Not a real nose. Got a picture of her when she's 14 in a swimming cap. She looks like a falcon.

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Quote from Michael

Lindsay: Michael, maybe the reason why you always come back is because you need us more than we need you.
Michael: Oh, that's rich. Huh. I need you. All right, I'll tell you what. Mom, you're always asking me to help you look after Buster. You can find somebody else. I hope she doesn't kill you.
Buster: I'll kill her first.
Michael: And good luck trying to find someone else to run the business, by the way. Gob, instead of always coming to me asking me for money saying, "I've made a huge mistake", you can bail yourself out next time.
Gob: [chuckles] I've never admitted to a mistake. What would I have made a mistake about?
Michael: Lindsay, instead of sleeping in twin beds, you and your husband take the master bedroom. It's not like you've never come to me with your marital problems saying, "Oh, help me, Michael. I think my husband might be a"- [horn blares]
Tobias: Oh! Well- It's-
Michael: Here we go.

Quote from Lucille

Narrator: It was at that moment that Lucille was stopped by a documentary filmmaker.
Man: Uh, your company's being accused of profiting off the building of houses in Iraq.
Lucille: That's crazy. We're all loyal Americans.
Man: Oh, yeah. Would you enlist your son or daughter in the army?
Lucille: [looks at Buster] Yes.

Quote from Tobias

Michael: It did bother me that they did so well without me. But l-I do have to ask them for help.
Tobias: And I have to ask for an audition.
Michael: You haven't auditioned yet?
Tobias: Oh, no, no. I'm not in the group yet. No, I'm afraid I just "blue" myself.
Michael: There's gotta be a better way to say that.

Quote from Tobias

Tobias: Are you crazy?
Michael: Are you blue?
Tobias: Only in color, Michael. Only in color. It seems I might have stumbled upon an acting opportunity.
Michael: As a member of the Blue Man Group?
Tobias: Oh, no, you're thinking of the support group. I made that same mistake myself. They're called the Blue Man Group. But it's funny. If I hadn't sought out a support group, I never would've gotten this gig as an understudy for a performance art group. You know, the universe works in mysterious ways, Michael. You never know where help is going to come from until you look for it.

Quote from Gob

Gob: Michael, I am sitting on some very hot information here. I know too much. I've got the thingy. Half in English, half in scribbly.

Quote from Lucille

Michael: Hey, Mom. Any messages?
Lucille: None.
Michael: No, there was a message. It was about my health, but it doesn't matter. My son and I- [horn blares]
Lucille: Buster, what are you doing with Mother's rape horn? Yes, I have a rape horn, Michael, because you took away my mace.
Buster: Yeah, like anyone would want to "R" her.
Lucille: [gasps] This is what I'm talking about, Michael. Now that your father has deserted us, Buster's become impossible to control. Suddenly he's too much of a big shot to brush Mother's hair.

Quote from George Michael

Narrator: George Michael, meanwhile, was approached by his cousin Maeby.
Maeby: So, you're really leavin', huh? Have you told your girlfriend, Bland? I mean, Ann.
George Michael: She's not my girlfriend, and she's not bland.
Maeby: Really? Because, I mean, under her school picture it said "not pictured."
George Michael: Okay, they printed a retraction in the spring supplement. And, yeah, she was really lookin' forward to seeing me in my Uncle Sam outfit in that Get Out The Vote assembly tomorrow.
Maeby: Wasn't that supposed to be before the election?
George Michael: Yeah, they had to postpone it when that foreign exchange student parked too close to the gym.
Annyong: I do it. I play Uncle Sam. Better than part I have now, guy who orders strike on Pearl Harbor.

Quote from George Michael

Narrator: And so, once again, the guys were on their way to Phoenix, never to look back.
George Michael: [on the phone] [deep voice] It's just the lab calling. We'll give him the bad news in Phoenix. [hangs up] They know we're gone.
Michael: Great. You did say Phoenix again, but what do we care?
George Michael: Sorry.
Michael: Now, do you want to steer, or are you too old to sit on your pop's lap and drive?
George Michael: [smiles] ... I think I might be.
Michael: Okay.

Quote from Tobias

Narrator: So Lindsay and Tobias finally took a hard look at their relationship.
Tobias: You know, Lindsay, as a therapist, I have advised a number of couples to explore an open relationship where- where the couple remains emotionally committed but free to explore extramarital encounters.
Lindsay: Did it work for those people?
Tobias: No. It never does. I mean, these people somehow delude themselves into thinking it might, but... but it might work for us.
Lindsay: Well, we could give it a shot.
Tobias: Great. We'll hammer out the details later. Right now we've got a daughter to tell. Maeby, we're having a family meeting!

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