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Whistler's Mother

‘Whistler's Mother’

Season 1, Episode 20 -  Aired April 11, 2004

Michael tries to keep his family from spending company funds that have just been unfrozen. Meanwhile, George Michael spots somebody who looks like George Sr. with hair.

Quote from Lindsay

Narrator: Back at the model home, Lindsay had decided not to take her stylist's departure lying down.
Lindsay: I'm protesting the war. There's a war going on, you know?
Maeby: Yeah, I'm the one who told you, and you said it happened ten years ago.
George Michael: Hey, isn't this the same sign you used to picket the cable company when they dropped the Style Network?
Lindsay: Actually, I used this one for Michael when he was too cheap to pay for the premium channels. But I added the bit about the stylists.


Quote from Michael

Narrator: Michael was preparing for a meeting with the Bluth Company board to decide what to do with some recently unfrozen funds.
Lindsay: Wow. Exciting, huh? Finally getting some money.
Michael: What do you want, Lindsay?
Lindsay: I'd like some of that money.
Michael: Well, this money is for land. Okay? We're not gonna burn through it like Dad did when he was in charge. With his bad investments, and his corrupt dealings... Mother's neck.
Lindsay: No, that was a good investment.
Michael: It is easier to look at now, isn't it?

Quote from Lucille

Narrator: Michael got a message he intended to ignore. Until he read the next line.
Michael: A matter of land, Mom?
Lucille: Oh, that's funny. I meant "a matter of 'L' and 'D'" Life and death.
Michael: What is the matter of life and death?
Lucille: Buster's jaw clicks when he eats. I think it's what's driving his friends away. I sent him to Canada for an operation. So I'll need some of that new money that just came in.
Michael: You know, Mom, if you want an operation that's really gonna help him, you ought to have them finally cut that cord.
Lucille: He needs me.

Quote from Tobias

Gob: Anyway, I can't be expected to live on the $800-a-month army-wife stipend that I'm gonna get.
Tobias: They just don't support the spouses.
Michael: You don't want to end up like Uncle Oscar, okay? Living off handouts your whole life. Why don't you come up with a way to make money? A suggestion of something to invest in, or maybe, uh, maybe a business idea?
Tobias: Well, I've always wanted to remake Annie Hall. Except I wouldn't want to get in bed with a green producer like a Sofia Coppola though. Oh, but give me an old pro, like a Robert Redford? Oh, I'd jump into bed with him in a second. And I wouldn't just lie there, Michael Bluth, if that's what you're thinking.
Michael: Actually, that time that was what I was thinking.

Quote from Lindsay

Narrator: Lindsay, meanwhile, arrived at the salon hoping to increase her self-esteem. Unfortunately, her stylist had just been called up by his reserve unit.
Lindsay: What's happening? Where are you going?
Alex: I'm not allowed to tell. It's the war.
Lindsay: Oh, come on! These salon wars have got to stop!
Alex: The war, Lindsay. The real war.
Narrator: Lindsay was stunned, not just that she was losing her stylist but that apparently, there was a war going on.
Lindsay: Well, I'm protesting this war. You're my friend and I'm not gonna let Shauna cut my hair. I'm going to take a stand.
Narrator: And Lindsay found a solution to her self-esteem problem.

Quote from Lucille

Lucille: Now there's someone who could have used a good mother. [shouts] Whore!

Quote from Gob

Tobias: Have you seen the agricultural report?
Gob: Nothing's hotter than coffee. So the trend is up. So, if we could get that check from you...
Michael: I'm not just gonna hand out a check, okay? You gotta come up with an investment plan. You gotta call-
Gob: Oh, we've got an investment plan.
Michael: "Gobias Industries."
Gob: Go bias.
Michael: Hmm?
Gob: As in, "Go buy us some coffee."
Michael: It's great. Looks good.
Gob: So, when do I start makin' my moneys?

Quote from Lindsay

Lindsay: What if I told you that the money was for something really worthwhile?
Michael: Like what?
Lindsay: I want to have an affair. Now, I'm not sure with who yet, but I'll need lingerie, waxings... These are some real costs, Michael.
Michael: I take it things aren't getting better with Tobias.
Lindsay: What's that supposed to mean?

Quote from Lindsay

Narrator: Things hadn't been getting better with Michael's sister and her husband. Even after she came up with a plan to get his attention.
Lindsay: Oh, my God. Listen to the radio. I haven't heard this song since we first started dating. I just feel like using my body.
Tobias: Well, Lindsay, could you use it over there? I'm trying to grow.
Lindsay: Yeah. It's clear that's not gonna happen.

Quote from Lindsay

Lindsay: We had sex once in the last year, and he just laid there.
Michael: All right. Look, this money is for land. I'm not gonna give you money to have an affair. Why don't you pick something else to boost up your self-worth? How about, uh, charity? Why don't you get back to your roots?
Lindsay: Well, it has been a while. All right! I'm gonna go do that right now.
Michael: You're gonna go get your hair done, aren't you?
Lindsay: Well, if I'm gonna have an affair...

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