TV Quotes

Michael: George Michael, I don't think you should be going on this Promise Land thing.
George Michael: What? Why? Because I'd miss school?
Michael: No.
Maeby: You get to miss school for that?
Narrator: And that's when Maeby decided to become a devout Christian.
Maeby: Do you guys know where I could get one of those gold necklaces with the "T" on it?
Michael: That's a cross.
Maeby: Across from where?

Michael: Where do we go next?
Buster: I will tell you this, Michael. If Mother saw those two, she is going to change clothes. And that means he'll be on the balcony. Whenever she changed clothes, she made me wait on the balcony until zip-up. And yet, anything goes at bath time.

Michael: You're up awful early.
Lindsay: Well, my marriage is falling apart. Tobias is back with Carl.
Narrator: Tobias had gotten a call from his one-time acting teacher, Carl Weathers.
[flashback:]
Tobias: He's directing something for TV, but he thinks he might have a part for me. If this takes off, I might be able to buy you the happiness that you deserve.
[present:]
Lindsay: He said the same thing when he got cast as Frightened Inmate Number Two in that film he got fired from.
Narrator: He had even gotten a vanity plate made up announcing the achievement. And this wasn't the first time.
[montage of a glum Tobias knocking over vanity plates reading INM8 2, BLUMN, CONMAN2, DRHOUSE]

[exterior shot of a Burger King restaurant]
Narrator: And Tobias met with Carl Weathers at Burger King.
Carl Weathers: Thanks for meeting me down here at Burger King. I'm tryin' to get them to underwrite a new TV project I'm workin' on. Get some money in exchange for settin' a scene here in Burger King.
[exterior shot of a Burger King restaurant]
Tobias: Well, as long as you don't draw attention to it.

Narrator: Michael Bluth had gotten up early in the hopes of avoiding his family. His mother, however, was already dressed, made up and waiting for him.
Lucille: Good morning.
Michael: Ooh! Ah.
Narrator: Which put her wake-up time in the 3:00, 3:30 area.
Lucille: I couldn't sleep. I always get this way before Motherboy.
Michael: Oh, God. It's Motherboy already?
Narrator: Motherboy was a dinner dance aimed at promoting mother-son bonding. Lucille had gone over 25 times with Buster and on a few occasions, had won Cutest Couple. As one entered sexual maturity, and the other one left it it became harder to win.
[flashback:]
Lucille: I'm so hot.
Buster: If you were hot, Mother, we would win.

Lucille: It's not just Motherboy. It's Motherboy XXX! And I think with you, I've got a shot.
Michael: Oh, no. Buster, for the first time ever, doesn't want to do this?
Lucille: No, he does. It's just, he's been so mopey.
Michael: Well, that could have something to do with the fact that a seal ate his hand.
Lucille: I don't know what it is.
Michael: I think that's what it is.
Lucille: Who knows?

Lucille: I mean, look how he zips now.
Michael: I know what this is. You're embarrassed by him, aren't you? You spent your whole life over-mothering the guy and when he finally needs you, you're not there.
Lucille: Well, I don't see you spending time with him.
Narrator: The Bluth children had been uneasy about missing limbs since their father used a one-armed man to teach them lessons.
[flashback:]
J. Walter Weatherman: That's why you don't yell.

Lindsay: God. Not that "I'm in love with my mother" dance thing. I'm so glad there wasn't one of those for daddies and daughters.
Lucille: Of course they have father-daughter dances.
Lindsay: They do? He never took me?
Lucille: It was before we did your nose.

Michael: Hey! What are you kids doin' up here?
George Michael: We're lookin' for the camping stuff. Do you know where the pump is for the air mattress?
Michael: I had to take all pumps out of here a long time ago.

Michael: Um, it's not about school, pal. It's more about family. Your Uncle Buster's been very depressed lately, and you haven't visited him. Family first. Or did they not teach you that at the Promise Land?
George Michael: I don't know. You won't let me go.
Michael: Attaboy.