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‘Charity Drive’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Arrested Development: Charity Drive

105. Charity Drive

Aired November 30, 2003

As Lucille and Buster prepare for a charity auction, Michael and Linsday try to prove to each other they're not selfish. Meanwhile, George Sr. calls on Gob to fix a business problem.

Quote from Lucille

Lucille: Don't you judge me. You're the selfish one. You're the one who charged his own brother for a Bluth frozen banana. I mean, it's one banana, Michael. What could it cost, $10?
Michael: You've never actually set foot in a supermarket, have you?

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Quote from Lindsay

Lindsay: I have to get ready for the bachelorette auction.
Michael: The bachelorette auction? You know you're married.
Lindsay: You just go to dinner with the guy. It's for charity.
Michael: That's what you said about posing for the Ladies of Literacy Calendar. The one with the pictures of all the 30-year-old women in lingerie with their nipples covered by copies of Oliver Twist. Yeah, that made a big difference for the young ones.
Lindsay: Well, it would have if it didn't get banned from the schools.

Quote from Lindsay

Michael: Come on, face it. You do all this charity crap just to stroke your ego. You don't even know what the auction's for tonight.
Lindsay: The wetlands.
Michael: To do what with them?
Lindsay: Dry them.
Michael: Save them.
Lindsay: From drying.

Quote from Lucille

Lucille: Who let you in?
Michael: Your new cleaning woman. What happened to Luz?
Lucille: Supposedly, Luz had to take her daughter to the hospital. That's Lupe, her sister.
Michael: God, I hope she's okay.
Lucille: She's awful. Can barely wash a dish. Uh-oh. She better not walk through here after she's been in there. [shouts] Tell me you've got an exit strategy.
Michael: Mother.
Lucille: Oh, please. They didn't sneak into this country to be your friends.

Quote from Gob

Gob: I have some conditions. Terms.
Michael: Boy.
Gob: One condition and one term.
Michael: All right. Let's have the condition first.
Gob: Free banana whenever I want.
Michael: Single dip.
Gob: Double dip, but I'll take one stick.
Michael: All right. What else?
Gob: Creative control spin-off rights and theme park approval for Mr. Banana-Grabber, Baby Banana-Grabber and any other Banana-Grabber family character that might emanate therefrom.
Michael: I retain animation rights, and we're gonna go back to single dip.
Gob: Done.

Quote from Lindsay

Narrator: Meanwhile, Lindsay, wanting to prove to Michael that she was a charitable person, joined a group of activists dedicated to preserving the wetlands.
Lindsay: Yeah. Hi. I'm gonna need a taxi.
[later, int he taxi:]
Lindsay: I don't know if that smell is you, the car, something you ate or something you're about to eat but my God, you're in a service business!

Quote from Lucille

Lucille: I don't have time for this. I've got to get ready for the bachelorette auction.
Michael: You're doing that? You can't possibly tell me that you care about the wetlands.
Lucille: I care about going for more money than Lucille Austero.
Narrator: In fact, Lucille Bluth had made sure of that.
[flashback:]
Lucille Austero: [answers door] Lucille!
Lucille: I got you tickets to The Producers. I already saw it in New York. But that's of no use to a woman whose vertigo makes flying a grotesque misadventure.
Lucille Austero: You must have scrimped and saved for these. But isn't this the night of the auction?
Lucille: Is it?

Quote from Maeby

George Michael: What are you doing? We're supposed to put the form in the wrong file.
Maeby: I know. I'm just leaving my calling card.
George Michael: I thought we didn't want anyone to know we were here.
Maeby: It's a little late for that. Our fingerprints are everywhere.
George Michael: You said they weren't gonna check for fingerprints.
Maeby: No. I said don't wear your mittens. I didn't want you to look stupid on the security camera.
George Michael: There's a security camera?

Quote from George Michael

George Michael: Someone's coming. What do we do?
Maeby: I don't know. I always get caught.
George Michael: Save yourself. I'll take the hit. My record's clean. Well, I got my bike seat stolen once but I don't think it counts on your record if you're the victim. I mean, there is a record of this, but it's not like I'm the...
Maeby: Yeah, I got it. Thanks. I'll take the rap next time we do something like this, okay?
George Michael: Next time.

Quote from Gob

Gob: Give me a Gob.
George Michael: Gob!
Gob: No, I didn't mean for you to yell my name at me. It's what I call a double-dipped banana with everything on it.

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