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‘The B. Team’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Arrested Development: The B. Team

404. The B. Team

Aired May 26, 2013

As the real estate business turns south, Michael finds a new opportunity when producer Ron Howard wants to make a movie about the Bluth family.

Quote from Barry Zuckerkorn

Michael: [on the phone] Barry, you still there?
Barry: So I got a really interesting call from Ron Howard, of all people. He's directing now, apparently, and wants to meet you at his office in, get this, Beverly Hills.
Michael: Why does Ron- Why does Ron Howard want to meet with me?
Barry: I don't know. His office didn't say. And if you don't mind, I'm a little busy with a case of my own.
Michael: Did you get any other information?
Barry: Apparently, he directed a movie called Cocoon.
Michael: Sorry. I was unclear about why he wants to meet with me.
Barry: I don't know. You want me to tell him to go [bleep] himself? I can tell Ron Howard to go [bleep] himself.
Tell him to shove it up his [bleep]. I just can't do it now because I'm in front of a jury.
Michael: Barry, I will meet with him. Wait- You're in front of a jury right now?
Barry: Oh, and the looks I'm getting. Got to go. [hangs up] Sorry, everybody. I'm an attorney, too.

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Quote from Narrator

Narrator: Michael was driving a car from a company that shows every private residence in the country. But it's also a company that won't let us show the car that takes those pictures. In fairness to them, it is their property. If you want to know what the company is... [horn honks]
Michael: Save it. We're just going to blur it anyway.
Narrator: ...all you have to do is "something" it.

Quote from Barry Zuckerkorn

Bob Loblaw: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I'd like the defendant to reach over the school gate, open it from the inside and enter the school property, please.
Barry: I can't reach it. I can't reach the knob.
Bob Loblaw: Why is that, Mr. Zuckerkorn?
Barry: I'm not tall enough.
Bob Loblaw: You're not tall enough.
Barry: I can't reach the Chachi. Hey, should I try tippy-toe? Look, I'm on tippy-toes.
Bob Loblaw: If he can't reach, this trial's a breach.
Barry: Oh, and that's what we call a Law Bomb.
Man: That's a low blow, Loblaw.
Bob Loblaw: A Bob Loblaw Law Bomb.

Quote from Maeby

Maeby: So, um, my first project is about my family.
Kitty: Oh!
Maeby: Yeah, which is why I thought you'd be a perfect assistant because you know where all the bodies are buried.
Kitty: And I even helped bury some of them.
Narrator: Maeby was only 17 at the time.
Maeby: Also, can you buy me booze?
Kitty: Totally. Whatever else, too.
Maeby: Great!
Kitty: 'Cause I can get you smack or hash or Special K...
Narrator: Unfortunately, when Maeby was shooting out of town on a picture, Kitty saw to it...
Kitty: [on the phone] She didn't even get releases from her family.
Narrator: ...that Maeby's was one of the bodies that was buried. And the project got thrown on the back burner.

Quote from Narrator

Michael: Do you have any idea why Ron Howard wants to see me?
Kitty: Believe me, if I could think like Ron Howard, I'd own the second largest building in Beverly Hills.
Narrator: Only Jerry Bruckheimer's building was technically taller. But who wants to be south of Wilshire?

Quote from Michael

Ron Howard: Oh, Michael. Thanks for coming down. How are you?
Michael: Pleasure to meet you.
Ron Howard: I'm just finishing up casting this Andy Griffith Show thing.
Michael: Okay. Hang on a second. You guys finally making that movie? I've been reading about it for, like, 40 years.
Ron Howard: Well, it's not a done deal yet, but I want to talk about you. Hey, let's go inside the LEM. You want to?
Michael: Whoa. Is this the one that landed on the moon?
Ron Howard: On a soundstage.
Michael: Oh, right, from Apollo 13.
Ron Howard: No, no, 1969. I'll tell you about it inside the LEM. It's soundproof in there. And it's a national secret.

Quote from Narrator

Ron Howard: So, NASA did go to the moon in '71 . That one was real. But in '69, they weren't ready, so they faked the whole thing on the soundstage of Gentle Ben.
Michael: Boy.
Ron Howard: Me and my brother, we hid up in the rafters. We've seen the whole thing. But I want to talk to you about something.
Michael: Okay.
Ron Howard: For the last year, I've been going to Phoenix.
Michael: Whoa, whoa. Hang on, now. Are you kidding me? I'm a Phoenix. I've never met anyone else in person that, uh, also goes there. That's amazing. I guess that's the downside of going to college online.
Ron Howard: Well, I just got a sick aunt down there.
Michael: Oh, I see.
Ron Howard: But on the last flight, I was flipping through the magazine, and I saw something.
Michael: No, no, no. Not the begging photo.
Ron Howard: Now, I don't think you know this about me. But most of my movies are based on still photographs that I find truly inspiring.
Narrator: It was true. Splash was based on what turned out to be a counterfeit Hockney that Brian talked Ron into buying. The Da Vinci Code was from this photo.
Ron Howard: You know Willow? That was from a Soft 'n Snuggly coupon I got in the mail.

Quote from Barry Zuckerkorn

Michael: [on the phone] You think my dad would ever even go for something like this?
Barry: You know, it's very hard to get a signature out of him. It's like somebody a long time ago said...
[flashback:]
Young Barry: Hey, what if you never signed anything? Because you said you didn't have a signature? Just like you, Pop.
Young George Sr.: You don't have a signature?
Young Barry: No, he's never given me one card. Not one birthday card, which is why his presents are always money orders. Right, Pop?
Herb Zuckerkorn: I don't have a signature.
Young Barry: Oh! If you don't sign, you will be fine.

Quote from Michael

Narrator: With Michael's movie in jeopardy over the rights, he decided to call in a favor.
Michael: You know, we're making a movie about the family, and I thought, "I wonder if Carl Weathers would be willing to help me out."
Carl Weathers: Let me ask you this right up front.
Michael: Okay.
Carl Weathers: Do you think anybody would be upset if one of these Crinch dolls took a walk?
Michael: No, no, help yourself. I know what you're thinking. "What part would I play in this?"
Carl Weathers: I figured you'd want me to play me.
Michael: Well, I didn't want to waste you on you. In fact, I wasn't even going to talk to you about acting, but if you are game, boy, that would be great. Let's circle back to that. There's a television show, was it, that you made about my family.
Narrator: Michael was referring to the George Bluth Sr. episode of a horribly narrated crime reenactment series called Scandalmakers that Carl had directed years earlier.
Michael: Did you retain the rights to my father's story?
Carl Weathers: No, man, rights cost money. I never bothered with that stuff. I figure you go ahead, you shoot it. Better to ask for forgiveness than beg for permission.
Narrator: As it turned out, Carl had never bothered to get either, which is why he made himself the subject of the final episode of the series.

Quote from Michael

Michael: But, Carl, the whole point of the movie is that it's a true story, so I need the rights. Don't I?
Carl Weathers: [laughs] Man, you're as green as old lady Crinch. Come on, people don't go to movies to see rights. People go to movies to see actors. Now, who you got as scriptwriter?
Narrator: And that's when Michael remembered that he did know one member of the Writers Guild.
Carl Weathers: The eye is falling off this one. You mind if I swap it out, you know, for the restaurant?
Michael: Swap it.

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