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‘Borderline Personalities’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Arrested Development: Borderline Personalities

402. Borderline Personalities

Aired May 26, 2013

George Sr. decamps to the desert and hopes a get-rich-quick scheme will turn his fortunes around.

Quote from Buster

George Sr.: We're getting a divorce. [Buster wails]
Michael: I want to know about the stimulus package.
George Sr.: We haven't had sex since Christmas, Michael!
Buster: I'm- I'm sorry. You had sex seven weeks ago? They were remodeling my room, and I pulled my cot in there, just like camp.
Lucille: We yelled at you to leave.
Buster: Yeah, but then you whispered, "Don't pull out!" [Gob groans]

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Quote from Narrator

Narrator: It turned out Lucille had returned to shore, too.
John Beard: [on TV] Why the alleged ship-jacker changed direction is still unexplained.
Narrator: And soon the family met up at the beginning of a fourth season... that would never come.

Quote from George Sr.

Stan Sitwell: This isn't what it looks like!
George Sr.: Oh, really? Because it looks like a monument to George W. Bush.
Stan Sitwell: Well, you got me.
George Sr.: You're in for a rude awakening, Sitwell. It'll never stand. It's too thin. It'll never stand.

Quote from George Sr.

Oscar: it's too bad you don't have time to try this. Yesterday, I was talking to a lizard, and it turned into Elizabeth Taylor.
George Sr.: Young Elizabeth Taylor? [Oscar nods] Yeah, I could use some maca. Give me some of that.
Narrator: And soon a vision did appear.
George Sr.: I don't know what's going on. For some reason I'm just getting Richard Burton today.

Quote from Narrator

Narrator: George Sr. was getting ready to motivate his gathered CEOs after a narrow brush with death at the hands of a Frito-Lay executive.

Quote from George Sr.

Narrator: She had. As she fled to sea. A strategy their lawyer's son came up with on his first day back in the country after law school.
[flashback:]
Young Lucille: I'm wondering if we shouldn't have a plan in regards to bookkeeping, in case we accidentally make a mistake or get caught.
Young George Sr.: What if we were to become an- an- an NLC?
Young Lucille: Ooh!
Young George Sr.: A "No Liability Corporation." We just have no liability, just nothing...
Herb Zuckerkorn: Well, first of all, I would avoid doing anything illegal.
Young Barry Zuckerkorn: May I make a suggestion?
Herb Zuckerkorn: Sure.
Young Barry Zuckerkorn: Take to the sea! Three miles out, and it's a free-for-all! No rules, pirate radio laws.
Young George Sr.: Really? Is this true, Mr. Zuckerkorn?
Herb Zuckerkorn: Sure.
Young Lucille: So we will stick together and have all of our meetings on boats.
Herb Zuckerkorn: Well, I don't know if that's necessary.
Young Barry Zuckerkorn: Yeah, because they don't have to be together, because you can't try a husband and wife for the same crime, right?
Herb Zuckerkorn: Sure.
Young George Sr.: We have the best [bleep] attorneys.

Quote from Barry Zuckerkorn

Lucille: Look what they've done, George! Look what the homosexuals have done to me. A joyride. That's what they decide to do with the freedom this country has given them. [quietly] That's the best alibi I've been able to come up with, because our lawyer says he thinks he can get rid of the SEC charges, but he's worried about the pirating of the Queen Mary. Says they have a suit against us.
George Sr.: Where is Barry?
Lucille: He's with the harbormaster. He's trying to dazzle them with a suit of his own.
Barry: Well, he hated the suit. Thought I was making fun. But basically, this is a good news / bad news deal. First of all, won't be cheap. It's gonna cost you a fortune in legal fees.
George Sr.: What's the good news?
Barry: Oh, yeah. From your perspective, I can see where you think it's all bad news. It's all bad news. Also, it turns out that stealing the Queen Mary comes under maritime law, which, I just found out, is an actual thing. It's a real thing. Don't you worry. We got three months to prepare for this hearing.

Quote from Narrator

Narrator: And so, George Sr. went to his competitor, Stan Sitwell, with an offer, so he could afford to cover Lucille's high legal fees.
Stan Sitwell: Buy the rest of your stock? You got to be kidding me. I already dumped the stock I owned to Lucille Austero. Don't forget, I was on that boat. And believe me, I lost more than just the 50 grand on that sale. I also lost a perfectly good pair of human chest hair nipple tufts when we hit the water.
Narrator: Stan Sitwell suffered from alopecia, a condition that rendered him hairless.
[flashback:]
Stan Sitwell: That's kelp. Why would I put it onto my chest or head or anywhere else?
[present:]
Stan Sitwell: I was gonna show those babies off at the Jacuzzi after-party.

Quote from George Sr.

George Sr.: Come on, Stan. I'm offering you the chance to double the size of your business.
Stan Sitwell: Way ahead of you. I've got a big project coming up. And even you can't compete for this one, with your business in the shape that it's in. This is a biggie. I get this contract, and it gets government approval, I'll be bigger than Halliburton. Well, maybe not Halliburton, but definitely Halliburton Teen.
Narrator: Halliburton Teen was a leading youth and lifestyle retailer, despite the fact that it was a re-branding of the tarnished Halliburton Penitentiary and Rendition Systems. It's also how their deep-water drilling enterprise spawned this company.

Quote from George Sr.

George Sr.: [quietly] You see the "W's " and the word "Bush." I mean, what else could it be?
Lucille: You mean other than a 20-foot-wide monument that goes five miles into the sky?
George Sr.: I know, I know. And I told him it wouldn't stand, which I probably shouldn't have.
Lucille: It's a wall, George. You're looking at it sideways. The "W" stands for "Wall." The bushes...
George Sr.: Stand for the bushes. Ah! This explains the immigration booth 10,000 feet in the air.
Lucille: It's to separate the U.S. and Mexico, to keep out the immigrants, which was my idea!
George Sr.: Was your idea. I remember. You said that right after Lupe got the bleach stain on your teal blazer.
Lucille: How did you miss this, George? This is business we should have. Is this how you're going to let it all end, as a failure? Is that your plan?
George Sr.: No. Of course not.
Narrator: It was his plan.

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