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Season 3, Episode 4 -  Aired November 7, 2005

Michael tries to prove he's a man to Rita (Charlize Theron) by competing in a triathalon with his possible nephew, Steve Holt. Meanwhile, George Sr. tries to scare straight some at-risk youth as part of a charitable push to improve his image, and Tobias coaches George Michael's girlfriend in a beauty pageant.

Quote from Gob

Gob: A young neighborhood tough by the name of Steve Holt's gonna be here any minute.
Michael: Your son.
Gob: According to him.
Michael: And a DNA test.
Gob: I heard the jury's still out on science.


Quote from Michael

Lindsay: I mean, come on, I'm the nanny.
Michael: Of course. Who wouldn't want to snog the nanny?
Lindsay: Snog? Is that another one of your new British-isms?
Narrator: It was. Michael had recently fallen bum-over-noggin for a beautiful Englishwoman called Rita.
Michael: Did I say "snog" again? Oh, bloody hell.

Quote from Steve Holt

Narrator: Michael, meanwhile, had begun training for the triathlon to keep from humiliating himself in front of Rita.
Steve Holt: Don't ask "can I?" Ask "I can!"
Steve Holt: You can control your bladder when you're dead.
Steve Holt: No blood, no oil!
Steve Holt: There's no "I" in "win."

Quote from Buster

Narrator: Meanwhile, George Sr. arrived at the Startled Straight tent.
Buster: I'll be waiting out here with my enlistment forms, so go in there and scare them right into my open arm!

Quote from Michael

George Michael: I think I'm gonna go get one of those corn dog crosses.
Michael: With all the "crucifixins"?
George Michael: Right.

Quote from Lindsay

Narrator: Michael was heading to work when he saw something he had never seen before lunch, his twin sister Lindsay.
Michael: You're up?
Lindsay: Yeah, I work for our attorney now.
Michael: Bob Loblaw, of course. What is he thinking? I mean, how's it going?
Lindsay: Lousy. I only took this nanny job so he'd give me a free divorce, and then marry me, so I'd never have to work again. But all he seems to care about is that daughter of his.

Quote from Michael

Rita: Why are you breathing like that?
Michael: Oh, I wasn't hurrying to come stop you. I was out on for my daily, uh... Do you run at all?
Rita: Oh, yes. I was in the Olympics once. I won a silver medal.
Michael: You're that Rita Leeds? Oh, my goodness. And the silver medal. Yes, and you came in second. Now I'm very embarrassed to be out of breath in front of you. But you take my breath away.
Rita: Oh, Michael. You're such a [bleep].
Narrator: Michael was stunned. He assumed Rita was using the word [bleep] in the American sense, meaning weak or cowardly. In fact, Rita meant it in the British sense, meaning sweet or gentle, as in "pussycat."

Quote from George Michael

Narrator: Michael returned home, hoping to take solace - in his son's company.
Michael: Hey, just the guy I was looking for. Thinking you and I should maybe go play a little catch, you know? Maybe go for a run. Do some guy stuff.
George Michael: But we're not good at that stuff.
Michael: Yes, I am. We both are.
Narrator: Michael and his son had never been a very successful athletic team. In fact, the only thing George Michael really liked was hanging motionless from the monkey bars. Which the President's Council on Fitness ranks as "slightly easier than the slide."

Quote from George Michael

Michael: Anyway, I was just thinking that maybe we should emphasize athletics a little bit more in this family. I'm gonna start us off with a protein drink, okay?
[When Michael throws a glass to George Michael, he turns and deflects it with his back, the glass shattering on as it hits the floor.]
Michael: Still doing that, huh? Well, I do think we should go for a run, huh? Some real guy stuff.
George Michael: I'm supposed to go fabric shopping with Ann today.
Michael: I think we can go butcher.
[As Michael throws a broom to George Michael, he once again turns around and deflects it with his back]

Quote from George Michael

George Michael: Uh, uh, no. We're making a gown. She's gonna be in a beauty pageant.
Michael: Yeah, who's Ann?
George Michael: My- My girlfriend. She's- You've met her so many times-- met her and met her...
Michael: No. I know who Annabelle is. Who's the Ann that's in the beauty pageant?
George Michael: That's her. Her name isn't Annabelle, it's Ann.
Michael: No, I know her name's not Annabelle. That's how I remember her name, 'cause her body's kind of shaped like a... She's the belle of the ball. What is she doing in the beauty pageant? She's she running the lights or something?
George Michael: She's in it. She's a contestant. It's sort of, like, an inner beauty pageant.
Michael: Ah! There it is. Is it like a Christian thing?
George Michael: Well, it's half. It's at the State Fair, which this year is gonna be a Church and State Fair.

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