Tobias: As you may or may not know, Lindsay and I have hit a bit of a rough patch.
Michael: Really? When did that start?
Tobias: Well... I don't want to blame it all on 9/11, but it certainly didn't help.

Tobias: I just want to be a family again. I guess what I'm saying is I want to reunite the band.
Michael: Oh, no.
Narrator: "Oh, no" was right. In the mid '90s, Tobias formed a folk music group with Lindsay and Maeby called Dr. Funke's 100% Natural Good-Time Family-Band Solution. The group was underwritten by the Natural Life Food Company, a division of Chem Grow, an Allyn-Crane acquisition, and part of the Squimm Group. Their motto was simple. "We keep you alive."
Tobias & Lindsay: [singing] Kind of life that's a little bit better with a Zanotab
Young Maeby: Zanotab may cause dry mouth, hair loss an overly alert feeling, and in some cases may diminish your sex drive.
Tobias & Lindsay: [singing] Zanatab.

George Michael: You know, if you want me on wood block, I can keep perfect time. Some call me the human metronome. You notice how I'm always on time? I'm never late for things.
Maeby: Yeah, but I think punctuality is slightly different from rhythm.
George Michael: No, it's not. It's the exact same thing. It's knowing how long things take.

Narrator: And Michael tried to find the money the accountant said was missing.
George Sr.: I don't know. I probably stole it. I mean, if he says it's missing, it is. Unless he stole it. Hey, maybe he stole it.
Michael: He's the one that said it's missing.
George Sr.: Yeah, I probably stole it.

Michael: So, listen. You have been married two weeks now. It seems to be sticking. And let's pretend it's a good thing. I guess this makes me your best man and I would like to throw you a bachelor party.
Gob: [chortles] Yeah, I don't think she'd go for that. Besides, I talked to Dad. He said it was stupid to get married in the first place. And he's right. He's right. I've gotta get rid of her.
Michael: You know, I- I said two weeks ago that I thought it was a stupid idea. And suddenly Dad says it and it's good advice? You know you don't have to do everything Dad says.
Gob: I don't do everything Dad says. He just happens to be right about this. You can help me get rid of her though. Mom's having a cocktail party. She'll be there. Maybe you can try to break us up.
Michael: I can't do that.
Gob: Why not? You did it with me and Marta. You had no problem with that, guy. You know what? Lie to her. Tell her that I'm insensitive and unreliable.
Michael: Maybe something about how you can never confront people and you need someone to clean up your messes.
Gob: See, that's great. And that's just off the top of your head.

Tobias: Well, there's a wellness convention in town and I thought maybe you could talk Lindsay into joining me up onstage.
Michael: Yeah. Why don't you ask her?
Tobias: Oh, I would, but she just doesn't take me seriously.

Narrator: Well, we need to find it before Ira is asked to testify.
George Sr.: I thought we were talking about Gilligan. Who's Ira?
Michael: Ira Gilligan. Ira's his first name. He actually hates to be called Gilligan.
George Sr.: Well, he never told me that.
[flashback:]
George Sr.: Gilligan has promised me that all this money will be saved in I.R.A.s.
Ira Gilligan: It's Ira, sir.
George Sr.: Oh, I'm sorry, Gilligan. Will be saved in "Iras."
[flashback:]
George Sr.: What the hell is this, Gilligan?
Ira Gilligan: It's Ira, sir. Please call me- [bumps into George Sr.]
George Sr.: Gilligan!

Narrator: That night the family gathered at Lucille's to welcome Gob's wife.
Lucille: I have always wanted a daughter. [Lindsay gasps] And a blonde. What fun.

Buster: Where did Annyong get that juice box?
Annyong: Annyong.
Lucille: Those are for his soccer team. No sugar for you. You just get more awful.

Narrator: And Michael tried to convince Lindsay to rejoin Dr. Funke's 100% Natural Good-Time Family-Band Solution.
Lindsay: Dr. Funke's 100% Natural Good-Time Family-Band Solution was a nightmare for me.
Michael: Hmm. Well, he said it was the most fun your family's ever had.
Lindsay: Yeah, well, I was wacked on Zanotab the entire time.
Michael: I thought Zanotab was supposed to make everything a little bit better.
Lindsay: For 15 minutes. Then it burns when you pee, and your marriage goes to hell. It is not a good supplement. Besides, Maeby's not gonna want to do it.
Maeby: I wanna do it! Are you kidding me? Those were our best times ever.
Lindsay: This party just keeps gettin' better.