TV Quotes

Beverly: If stealing a van and trying to break into my own home so I can snuggle my boy is crazy, then I don't want to be sane.

Beverly: As of tomorrow, I will officially start my second job.
Erica: What's your first job?
Beverly: Being a mom! Unbelievable.

Barry: Hey batter, hey batter, swing batter.
Adam: Hey butter, hey butter, sweet butter.
Barry: Are you saying sweet butter?
Adam: Shut up, I don't know sports.

Beverly: Something's wrong. He didn't come to the window. I've got to get up there and put my lips on his forehead. It's the only way to get an accurate temperature.

Murray: You stole a van?
Beverly: No time to explain. Mostly because it makes me look bad.

Beverly: Hold onto my bosom and kick with your legs.

Waiter: I'm sorry. I don't understand what's happening right now.
Barry: You're supposed to act snooty and threaten to call the police.
Waiter: Oh, I would never call the police. Now, if you and the pretzel emperor, would follow me.
Barry: Call the police, I demand it.
Pops: Don't call the police.
Barry: Call the police.
Pops: Don't call the police. We'll just get our car from the valet.
Waiter: We don't have a valet.
Pops: Then you better call the police.

Barry: Stop folding so loudly. We can't hear the TV.
Beverly: You know, I did not sign up for this. I could have been a lawyer.

Barry: Admit you're the Cameron.
Adam: My leopard vest and boyish charm say otherwise.
Barry: That's my look. I'm Ferris.
Pops: Enough. I'll be the Camden, then the two of you can be the Fergus.

Barry: Where are the boobs?

Adam: Are you kidding me, right now? In what world are you the Ferris?
Barry: Duh. We're both cool, we both date hot ladies, and we both have horrible sisters.
Adam: All of that applies to me, too.
Barry: If anything, you're the sickly, goober best friend, Cameron.
Adam: Me? You're the emotional wreck who wears a hockey jersey all the time. That's classic Cameron, dude.
Barry: Don't you dare call me the Cameron, Cameron.

Barry: Well, I'm going to be even more dream boatier than Anthony Balsamo. I'm gonna be Ferris Bueller. It's time I have an epic day off.
Erica: Well, good luck, knob. Mom will catch you in two seconds.
Barry: Spoken like Ferris's shockingly unlikeable sister, Jennifer Grey.

Band geek: Again, dude, I don't know who you are.
Barry: I'm Ferris Bueller. God! Read a book!

Beverly: I don't believe this. I would like nothing more than to be out there in the workforce with shoulder-padded power suit and my hermas of home-made soup. Maybe chicken noodle or maybe a nice bisque or stew. Probably stew.

Pops: Take it easy, Ferguses.

Waiter: I don't see those names on my list. But that's fine. We have a beautiful table for you, right by the window.
Adam: Wow, wow. You're gonnna seat us just like that?
Barry: He just said he's the pretzel emperor. That's not even a thing.
Waiter: We pride ourselves on accommodating all our guests. So, if you 'll follow me.
Barry: No, sir. I will not follow you. Make it difficult for us to sit.
Adam: Yeah, we need to outsmart you with our comedic shenanigans.

Erica: Barry's ditching school.
Beverly: Well thank you for telling me nothing of note.
Erica: Did you even hear what I said?
Beverly: Yes, snark, I'm also ditching work. Are you going to tattle on me, too? Get back to class or you're grounded.

Police officer: All right, you're free to go.
Guy in jail: Well, it's about time. Feels like I've been sitting here for thirty [beep] years.

Adam: That's exactly what Ferris would say. Great, even our eighty-year-old grandfather is cooler than us.

Barry: When Barry was in Egypt's land, let my Barry go.

Murray: I'll go get him.
Beverly: No, let him go. Sometimes moms need to know when to take a day off, too.

Beverly: Sing baby sing!

Adult Adam: [v.o.] That's when my mom realized there was a reason she wasn't a lawyer. She already had the best job in the world.

Beverly: Feel better, but don't stop needing me!

Adam: And one day, I'm gonna be able to pull of this beret, just like Ferris.
Barry: Never. Only I can pull that off. Give me mom's beret.

Barry: This sucks. I can't compete with Anthony Balsamo. He's a dream boat.

Erica: I want out of this family.
Barry: That's literally something Jennifer Grey says.

Beverly: This is the third time I'm calling you down for dinner. Stop ignoring your mother. I could have been a lawyer.

Beverly: Don't get fresh. I've given up everything for you people.
Erica: No offence, but being a lawyer's like a whole thing and you only went to one semester of college.

Beverly: Tomorrow, I am going to work. No matter what happens.

Erica: Are you seriously buying this bull crap? I mean, he told me in school he would do this. He's faking it like Ferris Bueller.
Barry: Erica, is that you? Please don't be upset with me. You have your health. Be thankful.
Erica: That's literally a line from the movie. Please just watch the movie. It's all in the movie.

Lainey: I just got a call. My grandmother passed.
Barry: That was me. I called the school so you could skip.
Lainey: Wait, so meemaw's not dead?
Barry: No. I assume not. I don't have eyes on her, but most likely.

Barry: Just take my hand.
Kid: Stranger danger!
Barry: It's from a movie.

Waiter: Hello, may I help you?
Barry: Yes, my good man, I am Abe Froman, the cheese-steak king of Philadelphia.
Adam: And I am Gabe Froman, the emperor of soft pretzels.

Beverly: Ow, I hurt my bottom.

Guy in jail: Drugs?
Erica: No, thank you, I'm good.
Guy in jail: No, I meant, are you in here for drugs?
Erica: No. Why are you here?
Guy in jail: Drugs. So you gonna tell me your story or what?
Erica: Fine, you wanna know what's wrong?
Guy in jail: Oh, I know what's wrong. I just want to hear you say it.

Guy in jail: Then, why didn't you go for it? If there's one thing I know, being on the Junior Royal Court opens a lot of doors.

Pops: Come on, it's not that bad. We had a great day.
Adam: Barry went comatose, we got pelted with garbage on national TV, and someone stole your car.
Pops: Enough. You can't force a perfect day. You gotta just go out and live it the best way you can. As you. No one else.

Beverly: I'm coming, schmoopie! Let my body be your life preserver.

Beverly: Let me breathe air into your lungs.
Barry: Gross.

Anthony: Who is that crazy dude?
Lainey: That's my boyfriend.