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45Quotes from ‘Barry Goldberg's Day Off’

The Goldbergs: Barry Goldberg's Day Off

214. Barry Goldberg's Day Off

Aired February 25, 2015

When Barry is upset that Lainey will be share a float in the homecoming parade with her dreamy ex-boyfriend, he takes inspiration from the film "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" and pretends to be sick so he can have an epic day off. Unfortunately for Barry, things don't work out exactly like the movie, and the addition of Pops and Adam doesn't help, either.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: If stealing a van and trying to break into my own home so I can snuggle my boy is crazy, then I don't want to be sane.

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Quote from Beverly

Beverly: As of tomorrow, I will officially start my second job.
Erica: What's your first job?
Beverly: Being a mom! Unbelievable.

Quote from Adam

Barry: Hey batter, hey batter, swing batter.
Adam: Hey butter, hey butter, sweet butter.
Barry: Are you saying sweet butter?
Adam: Shut up, I don't know sports.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Something's wrong. He didn't come to the window. I've got to get up there and put my lips on his forehead. It's the only way to get an accurate temperature.

Quote from Beverly

Murray: You stole a van?
Beverly: No time to explain. Mostly because it makes me look bad.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Hold onto my bosom and kick with your legs.

Quote from Pops

Waiter: I'm sorry. I don't understand what's happening right now.
Barry: You're supposed to act snooty and threaten to call the police.
Waiter: Oh, I would never call the police. Now, if you and the pretzel emperor, would follow me.
Barry: Call the police, I demand it.
Pops: Don't call the police.
Barry: Call the police.
Pops: Don't call the police. We'll just get our car from the valet.
Waiter: We don't have a valet.
Pops: Then you better call the police.

Quote from Beverly

Barry: Stop folding so loudly. We can't hear the TV.
Beverly: You know, I did not sign up for this. I could have been a lawyer.

Quote from Pops

Barry: Admit you're the Cameron.
Adam: My leopard vest and boyish charm say otherwise.
Barry: That's my look. I'm Ferris.
Pops: Enough. I'll be the Camden, then the two of you can be the Fergus.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Where are the boobs?

Quote from Barry

Adam: Are you kidding me, right now? In what world are you the Ferris?
Barry: Duh. We're both cool, we both date hot ladies, and we both have horrible sisters.
Adam: All of that applies to me, too.
Barry: If anything, you're the sickly, goober best friend, Cameron.
Adam: Me? You're the emotional wreck who wears a hockey jersey all the time. That's classic Cameron, dude.
Barry: Don't you dare call me the Cameron, Cameron.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Well, I'm going to be even more dream boatier than Anthony Balsamo. I'm gonna be Ferris Bueller. It's time I have an epic day off.
Erica: Well, good luck, knob. Mom will catch you in two seconds.
Barry: Spoken like Ferris's shockingly unlikeable sister, Jennifer Grey.

Quote from Barry

Band geek: Again, dude, I don't know who you are.
Barry: I'm Ferris Bueller. God! Read a book!

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: I don't believe this. I would like nothing more than to be out there in the workforce with shoulder-padded power suit and my hermas of home-made soup. Maybe chicken noodle or maybe a nice bisque or stew. Probably stew.

Quote from Pops

Pops: Take it easy, Ferguses.

Quote from Adam

Waiter: I don't see those names on my list. But that's fine. We have a beautiful table for you, right by the window.
Adam: Wow, wow. You're gonnna seat us just like that?
Barry: He just said he's the pretzel emperor. That's not even a thing.
Waiter: We pride ourselves on accommodating all our guests. So, if you 'll follow me.
Barry: No, sir. I will not follow you. Make it difficult for us to sit.
Adam: Yeah, we need to outsmart you with our comedic shenanigans.

Quote from Beverly

Erica: Barry's ditching school.
Beverly: Well thank you for telling me nothing of note.
Erica: Did you even hear what I said?
Beverly: Yes, snark, I'm also ditching work. Are you going to tattle on me, too? Get back to class or you're grounded.

Quote from Erica

Police officer: All right, you're free to go.
Guy in jail: Well, it's about time. Feels like I've been sitting here for thirty [beep] years.

Quote from Adam

Adam: That's exactly what Ferris would say. Great, even our eighty-year-old grandfather is cooler than us.

Quote from Barry

Barry: When Barry was in Egypt's land, let my Barry go.

Quote from Beverly

Murray: I'll go get him.
Beverly: No, let him go. Sometimes moms need to know when to take a day off, too.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Sing baby sing!

Quote from Adam

Adult Adam: [v.o.] That's when my mom realized there was a reason she wasn't a lawyer. She already had the best job in the world.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Feel better, but don't stop needing me!

Quote from Barry

Adam: And one day, I'm gonna be able to pull of this beret, just like Ferris.
Barry: Never. Only I can pull that off. Give me mom's beret.

Quote from Barry

Barry: This sucks. I can't compete with Anthony Balsamo. He's a dream boat.

Quote from Barry

Erica: I want out of this family.
Barry: That's literally something Jennifer Grey says.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: This is the third time I'm calling you down for dinner. Stop ignoring your mother. I could have been a lawyer.

Quote from Erica

Beverly: Don't get fresh. I've given up everything for you people.
Erica: No offence, but being a lawyer's like a whole thing and you only went to one semester of college.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Tomorrow, I am going to work. No matter what happens.

Quote from Erica

Erica: Are you seriously buying this bull crap? I mean, he told me in school he would do this. He's faking it like Ferris Bueller.
Barry: Erica, is that you? Please don't be upset with me. You have your health. Be thankful.
Erica: That's literally a line from the movie. Please just watch the movie. It's all in the movie.

Quote from Barry

Lainey: I just got a call. My grandmother passed.
Barry: That was me. I called the school so you could skip.
Lainey: Wait, so meemaw's not dead?
Barry: No. I assume not. I don't have eyes on her, but most likely.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Just take my hand.
Kid: Stranger danger!
Barry: It's from a movie.

Quote from Adam

Waiter: Hello, may I help you?
Barry: Yes, my good man, I am Abe Froman, the cheese-steak king of Philadelphia.
Adam: And I am Gabe Froman, the emperor of soft pretzels.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Ow, I hurt my bottom.

Quote from Erica

Guy in jail: Drugs?
Erica: No, thank you, I'm good.
Guy in jail: No, I meant, are you in here for drugs?
Erica: No. Why are you here?
Guy in jail: Drugs. So you gonna tell me your story or what?
Erica: Fine, you wanna know what's wrong?
Guy in jail: Oh, I know what's wrong. I just want to hear you say it.

Quote from Erica

Guy in jail: Then, why didn't you go for it? If there's one thing I know, being on the Junior Royal Court opens a lot of doors.

Quote from Pops

Pops: Come on, it's not that bad. We had a great day.
Adam: Barry went comatose, we got pelted with garbage on national TV, and someone stole your car.
Pops: Enough. You can't force a perfect day. You gotta just go out and live it the best way you can. As you. No one else.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: I'm coming, schmoopie! Let my body be your life preserver.

Quote from Barry

Beverly: Let me breathe air into your lungs.
Barry: Gross.

Quote from Lainey

Anthony: Who is that crazy dude?
Lainey: That's my boyfriend.


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