3rd Rock from the Sun Quote of the Day
Sunday, August 7, 2022
Mary: What are you doing?
Dick: I'm just taking the little extra money you always leave for me.
Mary: Oh, my God! No wonder we're treated like crap everywhere we go. How can you be so cheap?
Dick: I- I'm not cheap.
Mary: Then put the tip back on the table.
Dick: The what?
Mary: The tip. It was $10. Put it back.
Dick: Uh, of course. The tip.
Waitress: Good night. Thank you.
Dick: Oh! Mary! That waitress just stole our tip!
Saturday, August 6, 2022
Dick: Why do these people insist on putting their biographies in the paper? Like they're so great. "Beloved" this and "devoted" that.
Nina: Dr. Solomon, those are the obituaries.
Dick: Well, I want one about me.
Nina: Hopefully soon.
Friday, August 5, 2022
Mary: Listen, you. That psychic didn't know anything. You have many, many years ahead of you, and I will be right by your side. And after that, I don't want anybody else.
Dick: Mary, you'd rather be alone?
Mary: After you, I'm done.
Dick: Of course you are. How could I expect you to ever settle for anyone else after being with someone like me? I've ruined you.
Mary: More than you'll ever know.
Thursday, August 4, 2022
Dick: Okay. Now let's go over our return. You, young man. How could this family have lived for three years with no visible income?
Tommy: We collected cans.
Dick: How many cans?
Tommy: 123,450 cans.
Dick: And you didn't report that income?
Tommy: The income was $6,217, which falls well below federal limits for filing.
Dick: Your numbers don't add up!
Tommy: We turned in 33% of those cans in Michigan where it's 5 cents a can, sir!
Dick: Oh, yeah? In Michigan, eh?
Harry: Where I was in a coma! Sir!
Wednesday, August 3, 2022
Tommy: Statistically, at least one of us should be divorced by now.
Harry: Ooh, I want that one!
Tommy: And 10% of us should be gay.
Harry: That's not why we got divorced.
Tuesday, August 2, 2022
Sally: [v.o.] The cool air embraced the trees like a desperate lover. A more perfect night I couldn't have hoped for. And then, he appeared out of nowhere, breathless in anticipation.
Don: [panting] Sally, why do we have to meet all the way up here? I'm a cop, not a goat.
Sally: [v.o.] His chiseled features mocked me with their perfection. Oh, where had I ever found the strength to resist him for this long?
Don: Have you got a handkerchief? I'm sweatin' like a pig.
Sally: I can't stand it any longer! Kiss me, Don. Kiss me like you've always wanted but never could. Now, Don, now!
Don: Oh, mama! [they kiss]
Monday, August 1, 2022
Dick: Lieutenant, Information Officer, Transmitter...
Sally, Harry & Tommy: High Commander.
Dick: My family.
Sally: Dick, I'm leaking.
Tommy: [sings] Across the void we come a-warping [Harry joins in] Across the fields of stars we-- Soar
All: [sing] We pledge to land and something-- [humming] Spaceship And when at last our mission's finished In duty homeward shall we fly Our glory cannot be diminished Back to the heavens in our mighty... spaceship
Monday, August 8, 2022
Tuesday, August 9, 2022
Wednesday, August 10, 2022
Thursday, August 11, 2022
Friday, August 12, 2022