TV Quotes

Don: Are you sure, Sally? 'Cause I could have sworn I left it here.
Sally: What did you say it was again? A radio station?
Don: A radio scanner.
Tommy: Is that like a CAT scanner?
Harry: No, I think if there was a CAT scan machine in here, we'd know about it.
Don: Just keep your eyes open. Let me know if you find it.
Sally: Okay, we will, Don. And I hope you find your cat.

Dick: Oh, my God, it's so little. I could just sit down and rest it right here on my, uh... Uh, thigh shelf.
Salesman: Uh, now, all you do to clear the screen-
Dick: Uh, that much I know. I have something similar to this at home. [shakes laptop]

Dick: Nina, do you think I'm whipped?
Nina: "Whipped"?
Dick: I know, it's crazy.
Nina: [chuckles] By Dr. Albright?
Dick: What was I thinking?
Nina: Dr. Solomon?
Dick: Yes, Nina.
Nina: You are wrapped around that woman's finger like a yo-yo. And she is always walking the dog.

Nina: Oh, you have finally lost it!
Dick: Harsh medicine, I know, but it's what you need.
Nina: This job is what I need. This job pays for my health insurance, and I get to take free classes.
Dick: Nina, sweetheart, trust me. I know what's best for you.
Nina: You don't know what's best for me. You don't even know me. You think I'm some little helpless Black girl who can't make it in the world without the help of some enlightened White guy showing her the way.
Dick: And you say I don't know you.
Nina: Dr. Solomon, when I look at you, I don't see color. I see a jackass. Good night.

Dick: They're right. You can't go home again. So much for "family" and "brotherhood" and "home is where the heart is." What a bunch of crap!
Mary: Now you know where I've been coming from. You go home for the holidays, you see that beautiful Christmas tree in the window. Everything looks so idyllic. And all of a sudden there's your mother swinging a five-iron at your father's head, and the tree's in the eggnog.
Dick: How do you deal with it?
Mary: I repress. Repression is the key to a happy family.
Dick: Doesn't sound very healthy.
Mary: If you yell and scream, you end up sounding like your mother. I'm gonna go get another drink.
Dick: Didn't you just finish one?
Mary: Get off my back!

Dick: Tommy, are you all right? Where have you been?
Tommy: The mall, Dick. I was at the mall. It may be the most emotionally satisfying place I've ever been.
Dick: Were you able to observe other life-forms?
Tommy: Definitely. Everybody there was as oily and disgusting as me. It was a food court of mutants, a catalog of horrors, a freak show, and I was their lizard king.
Dick: Oh. What do you do when you're there?
Tommy: Hang.
Dick: What do you see?
Tommy: Stuff. I belong now. Oh, yeah, stay out of my room! [laughs]

Tommy: Uh, Sally, they want you to be on Good Afternoon, Rutherford.
Harry: That's my second-favorite show.
Dick: What's your first favorite?
Harry: Good Morning, Rutherford.