Mary: Sterling Lake is really special to me, Dick. I spent so many happy summers there with my family when I was young.
Dick: Wait a second. You had a youth, too?
Mary: Yes, Dick.
Dick: Well, what was it like, or can you still remember?
Mary: It was wonderful. We lived in log cabins we built ourselves. Oh! And when Mr. Lincoln came to town, we were all a-flutter. What do you think it was like, Dick?

Sally: But, um I do all the shopping, cooking, cleaning, banking and the killing of all spiders!
Harry: Ha, spiders! Spiders are more afraid of us than we are of them.
Sally: Harry, there's a spider on your neck.
Harry: Get it off! Get it off! Ah, that's very funny.
Sally: See, Harry, you could never handle my job!
Harry: I could do it with my eyes closed.
Tommy: You do everything with your eyes closed.

Harry: Now we're gonna try it my way.
Sally: Birdseed? That's not scary. Plus, you'll attract every bird in the neighborhood.
Harry: Exactly. We'll feed 'em a lot at first. But then bit by bit, we'll pull back. First we'll get 'em hooked, and then we'll get 'em pissed.
Sally: Yeah, and then slowly we'll start to replace the seed with human flesh. That is not bad. All right. How soon do you think they'll come?
Harry: Well, maybe tonight. Maybe six months. Maybe never. But they'll come. As God is my witness, they'll come.

Sally: Okay, you guys. Check it out. Four-head VHS, auto-tracking deliciousness.
Tommy: 525 lines of resolution.
Sally: Ooh, yeah! However, it says here that this VCR only has 250 lines.
Tommy: What are you saying?
Sally: Nothing.
Tommy: A- Are you saying that these colors could be more vibrant?
Alissa: This looks good to me.
Sally: I am saying, Tommy, that if we went digital, we'd get the most out of our bitchin' TV.
Tommy: So it would really be a waste of money not to.
Alissa: This really looks fine.
Sally: It's horrible!
Tommy: Pack it up. This piece of crap's going back.

Dick: Oh, no. No, no, no, it can't be. It's 1994!
Tommy: Dick, they're just old magazines.
Dick: Oh. For a hundred bucks an hour, you'd think he could renew a subscription.

Inspector Macaffery: [Enters] Everybody stay exactly where you are. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, please take your seats. I am Inspector Macaffery from Scotland Yard.
Tommy: He got here quick.
Inspector Macaffery: No one is to leave the premises. Until further investigation, everyone is considered a suspect.
Dick: Everyone? Sh-sh-surely you don't mean everyone?
Inspector Macaffery: Given the right circumstances, anyone is capable of murder.
Dick: But not everyone.
Inspector Macaffery: Yes, everyone.
Dick: But not anyone.
Inspector Macaffery: Yes.

Mary: Oh, Nina, I feel so bad, Dick being trapped in that hole. It's another example of when bad things happen to good people.
Nina: It's not a great example.