Kirk: Well, well, well I always suspected this day would come.
Lorelai: Hi, Kirk.
Kirk: You're not getting this seat back.
Lorelai: Huh?
Kirk: You can't, it's mine now and frankly I can see why you hogged it for so long.
Lorelai: What?
Kirk: It's clearly the best stool in the joint. Close to the cash register and the kitchen, which guarantees plenty of face time with the boss. Climate wise it's positioned between two air-conditioning vents which creates a nice cross ventilation...

Rory: [on the phone] Oh, my God!
Lane: Are you all right?
Rory: I just got hit by a deer!
Lane: You hit a deer?
Rory: No! I got hit by a deer.
Lane: How do you get hit by a deer?
Rory: I was at a stop sign, and he hit me!

Rory: What is going on here?
Lorelai: What are you talking about? I'm trying to get her to fess up to the separation.
Rory: Not you. Me! Am I cloaked in loneliness or something? Everybody has been pestering me about my love life this week.
Lorelai: That was not about you. It was about evading my questions. It's a classic Sun Tzu Art of War maneuver. If you're being attacked from the east, attack whoever's to your west, and you were the west. I never read the book. It's full of crap like that.

Lorelai: You lied to me. What's that nonsense all about?
Rory: I know I shouldn't have done that.
Lorelai: Damn right, you shouldn't have.
Rory: But Lane wanted to go out with Todd. And of course she couldn't tell her mother. So I didn't tell you so you wouldn't have to lie for us.
Lorelai: You lied to me so I wouldn't have to lie to Mrs. Kim?
Rory: Yeah.
Lorelai: My God. You really are my daughter.
Rory: I'm so sorry.
Lorelai: I have to know where you are at all times, especially when you have my shoes on.

Lane: You went shopping.
Rory: Yes, I did. I got a mooing cow-shaped timer for Sookie some Cardio Salsa tapes for Michel, a book for Dean.
Lane: You got Dean a book?
Rory: Yeah, Metamorphosis.
Lane: Metamorphosis?
Rory: It's Kafka.
Lane: Very romantic.
Rory: I think it is romantic.
Lane: I know I've always dreamed that some guy would get me a really confusing Czechoslovakian novel.

Jason: I thought the point of coming to a place like this would be to enjoy the food and the atmosphere.
Lorelai: Yes, but all of the atmosphere is out there.
Jason: You don't like the room.
Lorelai: No, it's it is weird, you know. I mean, the two of us sitting all alone in here. I feel like we're quarantined.
It's like the ebola room or something.

Lorelai: Okay, here. With these tickets, you're about to enter sacred space. You will be treading on hallowed ground. You will be walking like an Egyptian.
Rory: Mom.
Lorelai: Take them. Oh, you're gonna have a great time. The Bangles are the best! They were my favorite group in high school. I almost named you Susanna. The day I found out you had no musical talent at all was the saddest day of my life.
Rory: I'm sorry.
Lorelai: Well, you say that now.