Michel: Do not talk to my mother ever again. Do you understand me?
Lorelai: No, I don't understand. Michel, you and your mother seem crazy about each other. I assumed, since you gave up carbs a year ago, she knew.
Michel: Yes, well, you know what happens when you assume.
Lorelai: What?
Michel: I don't know. Something about a donkey. It's a stupid American phrase!

Lorelai: Uh, Rory has to pick a team sport to play.
Rory: It's a requirement.
Richard: "Physical fitness is as important as intellectual fitness." So says Plato, and so say I.

Lorelai: Do you want to borrow something of mine?
Emily: No, she does not.
Lorelai: What does that mean?
Emily: It's bad enough that you haven't taught your daughter how to interact with the opposite sex. You will not dress her up in one of your Sex and the City ensembles and send her out to tell the entire campus, "Don't worry. I'll ask you."
Lorelai: How do you know about Sex and the City? [Emily rolls her eyes]

Logan: [answers phone] Hello?
Rory: Listen. You're going to be getting a note from the Gilmores sometime soon. Maybe in the mail, maybe hand delivered tonight. For all I know, a carrier pigeon is heading for your room as we speak. You might want to open your window.

Luke: You know, I looked up the route last night. Sounds like a great trip. They'll be visiting Constitution Hall and stopping in Gettysburg. Do you know I have never seen the Liberty Bell?
Lorelai: Communist.
Luke: Okay, I'm gonna take these guys outside. Any particular place you want them?
Lorelai: Yeah, someplace shady, sheltered from the elements and ideally near a talking pig.
Luke: I asked. I have no one to blame but myself.

Emily: What about Rory?
Richard: What do you mean, "What about Rory"? We've lost her.
Emily: What are you talking about? I got her out of the pool house.
Richard: For a day, for two days, and then those rentals go back.
Emily: Fine, then I'll have the place fumigated. That'll take a week. Then I'll have the place checked for mold. That'll be two weeks. Then I'll find rats. Then there will be carbon monoxide leaks, and plumbing issues and if I have to, I'll tear the damn place down. In the meantime, she's here where we can watch her.

Luke: There's nothing in here but ice cream, candy bars, cookie dough, canned frosting. Why are you not four hundred and fifty pounds?
Lorelai: I know. Scientists call it the Lorelai Paradox.