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‘How I Spent My Summer Vacation’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: How I Spent My Summer Vacation

301. How I Spent My Summer Vacation

Aired September 14, 1992

Will butts heads with Uncle Phil when he returns from Philly with a new style.

Quote from Will

Vivian: This is my nephew, Will. Uh, and this is his hair.
Norma: It's a pleasure to meet you both.
Whitey: Call me Whitey.
Will: Oh, no, no, no. I'm gonna call you that then you gonna call me the other thing, and we're gonna be here fighting.
Philip: Will, Whitey is the president of a very prestigious savings and loan.
Will: Oh, really? Guess a lot of your buddies wearing suits like this now, huh?

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Quote from Vivian

Vivian: Philip, when Will gets here, please be nice. Otherwise, you're going to be bunking with Mr. Couch.
Philip: Woman, please do you think that you can manipulate me with sex? [laughs]
Vivian: Does James Brown have a perm?

Quote from Philip

Philip: Vivian, tell me that's not a beeper.
Ashley: Can I have one, Daddy?
Philip: When Jesse Jackson gets a job. Will, there'll be no beepers worn in this house.
Will: Yo, what's up, Uncle Phil? My mom let me wear it in Philly.
Philip: That's because she's your mother and she loves you. I'm your uncle. I just try not to hurt you.

Quote from Jazz

Will: Jazz, if our friendship means anything to you, you'll open this door right now. I walked 10 miles and took four buses to get here, now open this door. [Jazz opens the door] That's more like it.
[Jazz throws Will out of his apartment building]

Quote from Philip

Vivian: Philip, Will's been gone for seven hours now. What if something's happened to him?
Philip: Don't try to cheer me up, Vivian.
Vivian: Philip, I'm serious. Do something.
Philip: What do you want me to do? I've got Geoffrey out scouring the city.
Geoffrey: [enters] I'm terribly sorry, sir, I've looked everywhere. There isn't an ice cream sandwich left in this town.

Quote from Hilary

Vivian: Hold on a minute. I want to know when you had a man in the Jacuzzi.
Hilary: Look, that's my private life. That's between me, that man, and his video camera.
[Philip restrains Vivian]

Quote from Philip

Philip: Well, Will I hate to admit it, but I guess you have a point.
Will: I do?
Philip: Just because you live in my house doesn't mean I can control you.
Will: It don't?
Philip: So, you can express yourself any way you want to. Keep the clothes, keep the hair and the beeper. [chuckles] Knock yourself out.
Will: All right.
Philip: But, you know... Now, I've been thinking. You know, I have a need to express myself, too.
Will: I don't know, Uncle Phil, you might be able to get one little twist right here in the back of your neck.
Philip: [laughs] No, no, no, that's not quite what I had in mind. You see, I can't force you to do anything you don't want to do. But, these are my kids. So, as long as you keep the hair, the clothes and the beeper, you're all grounded. Good night.

Quote from Geoffrey

Philip: Vivian, I'm sorry. It's just that it's been so peaceful here since Will's been in Philly. And, boarding school's not so bad, is it, Geoffrey? Geoffrey went to boarding school. Tell her, Geoffrey.
Geoffrey: Madam, I went to boarding school. ... And then I went to therapy.
Philip: Who asked you? Get my lunch.
Geoffrey: Right away, sir. The man has a tapeworm.

Quote from Ashley

Will: Come on, Uncle Phil, I need to keep in touch with my tasties.
Philip: I beg your pardon?
Ashley: His tasties, Daddy. You know, his chubbies, his slimmies, his old ladies?
Philip: And, who are you? Queen Latifah?

Quote from Will

Will: All right, look y'all, this is a classic case of divide and conquer. Look, Malcolm warned us about this.
Ashley: Get him!

Quote from Philip

Philip: Speaking of prisoners, let's talk about Will. You know, maybe Bel-Air Prep isn't the right place for the boy. Maybe he could get more from a different environment.
Vivian: Mmm. Well, so could we. Come on, I'll race you to the Jacuzzi.
Philip: Wait a minute, now. I found a school that's a little further away than we're used to.
Vivian: How much further?
Philip: Switzerland. Now that that's settled, I'll go fire up the Jacuzzi.
Vivian: Back it up. Philip, how could you even suggest shipping Will off to some boarding school?
Philip: Okay, okay, I'm sorry, you're absolutely right. Will's a great kid, I've even grown to sort of... Anyway, I'm sorry I even mentioned Switzerland.
Vivian: Okay. You're forgiven.
Philip: Thank you. Would you consider Great Britain? Well, a man can dream, can't he?

Quote from Geoffrey

Geoffrey: Oh, Lord, I don't know whether to dive under the table or do the running man.

Quote from Carlton

Vivian: Carlton, honey, what happened?
Carlton: Will told everyone at the airport I was Bryant Gumbel.
Will: I thought I'd get my luggage faster.
Vivian: Oh, you poor baby, what did they do? Mob you for autographs?
Carlton: No, five old ladies attacked me for being mean to Willard.

Quote from Will

Will: See, look... Just think of it as honeys on my hip, Uncle Phil, you know? It's like I need to keep in touch with my squaws, right? See otherwise, you know, they get all frazzled and frantic and everything. You know how it is, right, Uncle Phil?
Philip: No, I do not.
Will: Well, that's because you only got one squaw and you all never go nowhere.
Vivian: Well, this one squaw says take your behind upstairs, change, and no beeper. And, Philip, how come we don't ever go nowhere?

Quote from Philip

Philip: And may I say that if you go with our firm it'll be the best decision you ever made. Well, enough business talk, Mr. and Mrs. Cornfeld. Please, enjoy the party.
Norma: Thank you. Call me Norma.
Philip: Norma.
Whitey: And, you can call me Whitey.
Philip: I think not.
Whitey: Well, everyone does, on account of my white hair.
Philip: [chuckles] Oh, oh, the white hair.
Vivian: Hello. Welcome to our home. I'm Vivian, Philip's wife.
Philip: Vivian, say hi to Whitey.
Vivian: Hello, Whitey. Philip, why am I calling that man Whitey?

Quote from Vivian

Ashley: Yo, yo, yo Mommy and Daddy.
Vivian: Oh, look. It's the entertainment.
Philip: Well, I think this is our youngest daughter, Ashley. She just had a brain operation. Her head's a little swollen, hence the hat. Very good, honey.
Vivian: Ashley, what are you wearing?
Ashley: Will got it for me in Philly. Ain't it fly?
Philip: Switzerland, Vivian.
Vivian: Not far enough, Philip. Ashley, go upstairs and change right now.
Ashley: But, I like it. And if I don't wear it, it'll hurt Will's feelings.
Philip: If you do wear it, you'll never see 18.
Ashley: I never liked Will, anyway.

Quote from Hilary

Hilary: Will, get away from the buffet table. Your jail suit is scaring the people away.
Carlton: With all due respect, Hilary, it's not Will's fault, it's... How shall I put this? The food sucks.
Will: Man, what are you talking about? It looks good to me.
Hilary: Uh-oh. The pepper's moving. [Will spits out his food] That is the last time I buy sushi out of the trunk of a car. Tuna roll?

Quote from Carlton

Philip: Will, I told you there will be no beepers worn in my house.
Will: Oh, well, I didn't really disobey you, Uncle Phil, 'cause, see technically, we not in the house. Smog.
Philip: Get rid of that thing.
Will: Come on, Uncle Phil, what's wrong? Do you think everybody's gonna think I'm a drug dealer? I mean, why wouldn't they think I'm a doctor?
Carlton: 'Cause everyone knows Buckwheat never went to medical school.

Quote from Jazz

Jazz: When did you get back?
Will: I just got back this morning, man.
Jazz: Man, welcome home. Later. [closes door]
Will: Jazz! Jazz!
Jazz: Weren't you just here?
Will: I've been gone all summer. Isn't there something else you'd like to say to me?
Jazz: Now that you mention it, yeah. You dating Whoopi Goldberg?
Will: How about "come in," man? I need a place to crash.
Jazz: Whoa. You got a place to crash. A mansion with a pool, a tennis court and a toilet that flushes without using a coat hanger.
Will: Not no more, man.
Jazz: Dang, your toilet broke, too?

Quote from Jazz

Will: No, Jazz, it's my uncle, man. He kicking me all this static. I told him, "You can't accept me for me, I'm out of here."
Jazz: I'm with you, my brother.
Will: So, I can stay with you?
Jazz: No. I already have company.
Will: What company?
Jazz: Company with breasts.
Will: Look, Jazz, can you ask them to come back another time, please?
Woman: [o.s.] Jazz, I'm getting lonely.
Jazz: They're lonely.
Will: Come on, Jazz, if you don't let me stay here, I'm going to be out on the street, man.
Woman: [o.s.] Jazz!
Jazz: Sorry, my brother but those are the harsh realities of the cruel world in which we habitate. And now, booty awaits me.

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