Erin: Take them off, Orla, they're mental.
Orla: They're cracking.
Mary: Are they really suitable, love?
Orla: They won't let you on the disco swing if you don't meet the height restrictions, Aunt Mary. I simply will not risk it.

Clare: Sweet Jesus.
Erin: Aye, this isn't great.
Michelle: Ach, it's not that big a deal.
Erin: They're going to blow up an entire suitcase of vodka, Michelle!
Michelle: I know. Animals.

Michelle: Well, come on, then, ball-ache. Are you introducing yourself, or what?
James: Hi. I'm Michelle's cousin, James.
Orla: Why's he making that funny noise?
Michelle: He's English, Orla. That's the way they talk. He's my Auntie Kathy's wain. I told you about my Auntie Kathy. She went to England years ago to have an abortion. Never came back. Never got the abortion, either. Lucky for you, James, eh?
James: I didn't actually know that.

Clare: She's also opened my eyes about how we need to break down barriers here, to no longer define ourselves as Irish or British, Catholic or Protestant, but simply as human, with human hearts and human heads and human hands and... other human qualities because, at the end of the day, we're all humans.

Clare: Seriously, folks, I'm not feeling entirely comfortable with this!
Father Peter: One... [Philip chuckles] two... [Clare screams] three.
Clare: [screams] Stop! Stop it! Get me out of here! He's trying to kill me! He wants to kill us all! All of the Catholics! Look at his eyes, he's a madman! A Fenian-hating madman. Don't let the Jaffa bastard hurt me! Please!
Erin: Jesus, Clare!
Michelle: Fuck-a-doodle do!

Clare: What are we gonna do?! What in under God are we gonna do?!
Michelle: It's fine.
Clare: It's definitely not fine! There's drug scones down there! If people eat the drug scones then we'll have drugged those people, Michelle!
Michelle: So? Drugging people isn't a crime.
James: You've a very loose grasp of the law, Michelle.
Erin: What kind of person brings hash scones to a wake?
Michelle: Typical. I try and do a nice thing and this is the thanks I get.
Clare: It's terrible. There's old people down there. What if an old person takes one?
Michelle: Why does everybody get so sentimental about old people?! Old people are arseholes!

Aunt Sarah: Make us a cup of tea, will you, Mary? I'd do it myself, but the Bolsheviks are just about to kick off.