Mary: Oh, Nina, I feel so bad, Dick being trapped in that hole. It's another example of when bad things happen to good people.
Nina: It's not a great example.

Dick: Nina, my brother Harry is trying to find something to keep himself busy. I was just wondering, how did you get this job?
Nina: I found a magic lamp on the beach, and this was my first wish.
Dick: Wonderful. How can Harry get hold of a magic lamp?

Nina: See ya.
Dick: Oh, uh, Nina now that you're going to Mary's new office and leaving me, I want to wish you luck and tell you I've never been happy with your work.
Nina: And now that I'm leaving, I want you to know... you can kiss my Black behind.

Dick: Nina, I just want you to know that after my surgery, I'm going to be devastatingly handsome. It's going to be very difficult for you to keep your hands off of me.
Nina: Oh, really?
Dick: But no matter how gorgeous I look, it'll still be me underneath, and, uh, I'm still not attracted to you.
Nina: And I just want you to know that if you never came out of anesthesia, that that would be okay with me.
Dick: Thank you. That is so sweet.

Dick: Nina... you still pass for young. What do you do during spring break?
Nina: I like to use the time to relax and find my center again.
Dick: And how do you do that?
Nina: Well, I picture a 50-mile radius around you, and I go outside of that.

Mary: I'm sorry. I get a little passionate about this. You know, my family came over on the Mayflower.
Dick: The Mayflower?
Nina: Oh, boy.
Mary: That's right. Neddy Albright was one of the first settlers to come to America on the Mayflower.
Dick: Nina, was your family on the Mayflower?
Nina: No, we came over on a different boat. But I'm sure we hooked up with the Albrights soon after we arrived.

Mary: I think there might be something wrong with Dick. [Nina and Judith are silent] I think I might be in danger.
Judith: I think she's ready for the talk.
Nina: We've always been suspicious of Dr. Solomon. Secretive about his past, speaks many languages, pretends not to understand anything.
Mary: What are you saying? He has another identity?
Nina: Yes. I think "stupid college professor" is just a front. I think he's a stupid international terrorist.

Nina: I thought you and Dr. Solomon had a date again tonight.
Mary: We did.
Nina: He stood you up?
Mary: Oh, no, I talked to him. He said he got an upsetting phone call from a friend with a big head. And he didn't think he'd be much fun tonight.
Nina: Oh. Well, my all-time favorite excuse was "I have a terminal illness."
Mary: You actually had that pulled on you?
Nina: Yes, but in all fairness, the guy died.

Dick: Nina, Nina, read me in.
Nina: Curtain rises. A big pompous blowhard flounces onto the stage.

Tommy: Nina, I need a woman's point of view for something. Um, my girlfriend's not speaking to me because I didn't ask her to a dance.
Nina: Mmm, send her flowers.
Tommy: She once told me that flowers reminded her of the morbid stench of death.
Nina: Okay. Well, how about a gift? Maybe a nice makeup kit.
Tommy: Uh, she sees makeup as a way for the arrogant misogynists to decorate the women they own and turn them into you know, like vacuous playthings.
Nina: Oh, I bet you two have a lot of fun.
Tommy: Wait, that's all you've got?
Nina: What do I look like, "Dear Sandy"?
Tommy: Who's "Dear Sandy"?
Nina: The advice lady from the paper. You know, like, "Dear Sandy, I'm a whiny little teenager with girlfriend problems and the only person I can bug about it is my dad's stunning Nubian secretary."
Tommy: Yeah, yeah, yeah, could you write that down for me?
Nina: Sure, you mean the stunning Nubian part?