Luke: It's Rachel's birthday. Don't say anything. She doesn't want anyone to know. She hates birthdays.
Lorelai: Not as much as she'll hate the potholders.
Luke: I don't know how to buy gifts. I don't like to buy gifts. I don't like getting gifts. I mean, this whole gift-giving-and-getting process is completely insane.
Lorelai: The rant begins.
Luke: I mean, suddenly, on a certain date the level of my affection for a person isn't measured by the way I treat them or what we share. [Lorelai yawns] Just because I didn't buy her furry slippers or a giant shoetree... all of a sudden, I suck.

Lorelai: Why don't you go to the mall, walk around a little.
Luke: No. No malls. I hate malls.
Lorelai: Rant number two.
Luke: They underpay employees and overprice merchandise. They contribute to urban sprawl. They encourage materialism. The parking's a horror. You drive in, you pay a buck. And even if you're only there for five...
Lorelai: Okay, Emma Goldman, I'll tell you what. I'll go for you.

Luke: I'm not trying anything on.
Lorelai: Hey, it's not like the lumberjack look will ever go out, it won't. But just once, wouldn't it be nice not to be dressed like an extra from Seven Brides for Seven Brothers?

Emily: So, what's going on at school today?
Rory: Oh, I have a test in Spanish.
Richard: Are you prepared?
Rory: Oh, yeah. I like Spanish. Biology, on the other hand...
Richard: Mmm. I'm still waiting for the day when my knowledge of the inner workings of a frog's intestinal system can be applied to my work in the insurance industry.
Rory: Perhaps if you were insuring the frog.
Richard: Ah.

Lorelai: For example, say you're dating Taylor Hanson.
Rory: Why am I dating Taylor Hanson?
Lorelai: It's a hypothetical scenario. Go with it. So you and Taylor are seeing each other regularly.
Rory: How did I meet Taylor Hanson?
Lorelai: You went to his concert. You got backstage. Your eyes met across the crowd and you're seeing each other.
Rory: Hanson's still together?
Lorelai: They're the new Bee Gees. So...
Rory: And why would you not stop me from going to a Hanson concert?
Lorelai: Hey, someone's trying to make a point here.
Rory: Go ahead.
Lorelai: So you and Taylor have been dating for a while and things are great and you're happy. And you feel all those crazy mushy things that people feel when they're in love. I want you to be able to say to him: "Taylor, I love you."
Rory: Okay, can we pick a new hypothetical, 'cause this one's wigging me out?

Lane: So, what are you doing tonight?
Rory: Well, homework, and then homework and if I get all that done in time, some homework.

Mrs. Kim: Science partners?
Lane: Yes, Mom, I invited him over to work.
Mrs. Kim: Work?
Lane: On our science project.
Mrs. Kim: Reproduction?
Lane: Spores, molds, and fungus.

Mrs. Kim: You, sit here! You, sit here! I'm going over there. When I come back, these chairs will be in same place. No moving. You understand?
Lane: Yes, Mamma.
Mrs. Kim: Not you, him.
Dean: Yes, I understand.
Mrs. Kim: I see all.

Dean: So that's your mom?
Lane: That's my mom.
Dean: Has she seen Patton?
Lane: She just gets uptight about boys.
Dean: I sensed something like that.
Lane: It's nothing personal.
Dean: I know, I'm sure once she gets to know me, she'll...
Lane: No, she'll hate you forever. It's just nothing personal.

Lorelai: Okay, last week, we were talking about Meryl Streep and the whole accent thing. And Rachel said she loved Out of Africa, but she never read the book, remember?
Luke: No.
Lorelai: Okay, so I was like: "Are you crazy? Isak Dinesen is amazing. I love her." which is crap 'cause I never read the book either. But Rory told me it was amazing. So I felt pretty confident in my recommendation of:Out of Africa.
Luke: You bought her a book?
Lorelai: No, you bought her a book, to be put in her brand-new camera bag.