Vivian: Sweetheart, now is the time when you should make use of Reverend Boyd.
Hilary: Is he single?
Vivian: I mean you should be spiritual. After all, Trevor's in heaven now.
Carlton: Right. He's up there with my little dog Scruffy.
Will: Yeah, and the bus he rode in under.
Carlton: Must everything be a joke to you? My sister's in a fragile condition. I'm trying to help her bounce back.
Hilary: Bounce. Trevor bounced.

Hippie: So what I'm saying is, there shouldn't be a rich or poor. We should all just share the wealth, man.
Carlton: Oh, I beg to differ.
[The VW camper van pulls over and Carlton is tossed out onto the sidewalk]

Will: Oprah, I have a question.
Oprah Winfrey: We're not ready for that portion of the show just yet, but, Mrs. Banks, answer me this if you will.
Will: I'm Will, Oprah, I can answer it.
Oprah Winfrey: Come here.
Will: Come? Me come?
Oprah Winfrey: Come here. Come on. Okay, see, this is it. I'm the one with the microphone. And you can't answer a question until I ask the question. You understand how it works?
Will: You ask then I answer. It works like...
Oprah Winfrey: Good. Now sit down. Sit down.

Will: So, what's up, man? Are you gonna be all right?
Carlton: Still can't get over it, Will. If you hadn't pushed me, that bullet would have gotten me.
Will: Well, not necessarily. See, even if you stood right in front of me, he still could have hit me from my belly button up.

Carlton: Geoffrey, you remember when you came to us and you had no money and nowhere to go?
Geoffrey: [laughs] Yes!
Carlton: Well, some things never change.
Geoffrey: Am I missing something?
Will: Yeah, about $26,000,000.
Carlton: Will did it.
Geoffrey: Did what?
Will: We tricked you into thinking you won, G. What you just watched was a tape of last week's lottery numbers.
Geoffrey: [laughs] How clever. You used my own ruse against me. How I admire you. [jumps Will] Die!
Carlton: Geoffrey, you're killing him.
Geoffrey: You catch on quickly, you little twit.

Vivian: Will, when I was a little girl, I got so mad at your mother I stopped speaking to her for weeks.
Will: Heh. Really? It's hard to imagine you being quiet for that long, Aunt Viv. [laughing] Go on.
Vivian: She gave away one of my favorite toys. It was a Raggedy Ann doll. But I got over it.
Vy: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute. My mom told me about that. Didn't you chop the head off her teddy bear and flush it down the toilet?
Vivian: That's how I got over it.

Philip: Vivian, tell me that's not a beeper.
Ashley: Can I have one, Daddy?
Philip: When Jesse Jackson gets a job. Will, there'll be no beepers worn in this house.
Will: Yo, what's up, Uncle Phil? My mom let me wear it in Philly.
Philip: That's because she's your mother and she loves you. I'm your uncle. I just try not to hurt you.