James Maguire Quotes Page 1 of 3

Quote from Episode Five

James: Why doesn't someone just call the police?
Erin: Cos that's not how things work around here, James.
James: Well, how do things work here? How do they work? Will one of you please explain it to me, because sometimes I feel like I've gone through the fucking looking glass!
Clare: Calm down, James.
Michelle: Aye, don't be such a dick, James.


Quote from The Curse

James: OK, can I just check something? Everybody else can see the dead body, right?
Erin: It's just Bridie!
James: It's Bridie's corpse. It's Bridie's dead corpse.
Michelle: It's her wake. What were you expecting?
Erin: Haven't you ever seen a dead body before?
James: Of course not!
Michelle: Christ, but the English are weird.

Quote from Episode Two

James: I don't really want anything.
Erin: You don't want anything?
Michelle: How could you not want anything? It's lovely.
James: I just don't really fancy it, that's all.
Orla: I don't understand.
Clare: Are you not feeling well, James?
James: I don't like it! OK? It's too greasy, it's much, much too greasy! Even the smell of it makes me feel physically sick!
Michelle: I'm sorry you had to hear that, Fionnula. [to James] You are a fucking embarrassment.
Fionnula: Get him out of here!
Michelle: You heard the woman.

Quote from The Concert

Clare: What's she doing now?
James: Reading her book.
[Sister Michael chuckles as she reads The Exorcist]
James: Now she's looking at the woman beside her. Now she's getting up. Now she's coming this way. Now she's standing right in front of us.
Sister Michael: What is he doing?
James: Now she's asking me-
Erin: Stop talking, James.

Quote from Episode Four

Erin: James. Listen, I have something to tell you, and... Ooh, Dib-Dab. OK. I'm just gonna say it. I think Katya is planning on having sex with you, tonight.
James: I know.
Erin: You know?
James: I'm meeting her upstairs in a bit. She told me to have some food first. Apparently, sex uses up a lot of energy.
Erin: You do not want to do this, James!
James: Yes, I do.
Erin: You're not ready for it!
James: I am.
Erin: She doesn't love you, James. She's just using you.
James: Yeah, but, the thing is, I don't care.

Quote from Episode Six

James: I support gays, even though I myself am not actually gay.

Quote from The Prom

James: Jesus Christ, look! Above the stage, look! She's not gonna do a Carrie!
Michelle: Fuck-a-doodle-do!
Clare: What's a Carrie? What does that mean?
James: You've never seen Carrie?
Michelle: Aw, it's some film, Clare.
Erin: Amazing.
Orla: Aye, you should check it out.
Clare: Expand and explain! Expand and explain!
James: So, Carrie is voted Prom Queen and this bully pours a bucket of pig's blood on her.
Clare: Jesus Christ!
James: I mean, lots of other stuff happens, too, but that's the, sort of, relevant bit.

Quote from Ms De Brún and the Child of Prague

Ms. De Brún: Dig deep, something you hate, something you despise. No holding back. Come on! Get it out!
Erin: Injustice!
Ms. De Brún: Yes!
Clare: Prejudice!
Ms. De Brún: Good! This is good!
Michelle: Mass!
Ms. De Brún: Come on!
Orla: My own socks!
Ms. De Brún: Ok.
Jenny: Being late for school!
Aisling: Piano lessons!
James: The fact that people here use the word "wee" to describe things that aren't even actually that small!
Ms. De Brún: God, but I love that accent, James!

Quote from Episode Three

Father Peter: Anyone else? Yes, James.
James: Is that a firm hold gel you're using there?
Father Peter: It's a mousse.
James: And where do you...
Father Peter: Hair and Flair.
James: Oh, I didn't realise!
Father Peter: They do a men's range, yes.

Quote from Episode Three

James: Peter! Peter, Peter, where are you going? Peter, wait. I've got the most amazing news. I've had a calling. I've decided to follow in your footsteps. I've decided to serve God.
Father Peter: Don't be such a dick, James.

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