Pops: Who you gonna telephone? The ghost fellas! From the movie.

Pops: Wanna know my secret? Hanging out with my best friend keeps me young. Now, what do you say you run your grandpa over with the car?
Adam: I'd love to.

Pops: Look, everyone has their time. But I'm here, I'm awesome and I'm not going anywhere any time soon, kiddo.

Adam: What am I watching?!
Pops: Come on. The duck is like E.T. He just wants to go home.
Adam: Then how come he's spending so much time managing that band?
Murray: Al, the duck's gonna make it with that lady. What have you brought us to?
Pops: A family film. It's a family film.
Adam: I can't watch this anymore.
Murray: Well, then let's go.
Adam: Really? We can do that?
Murray: It's about time you learned that an adult can walk out of anything and demand his damn money back. I do it once a year. Let's go.
Pops: Adam, no! It's not that bad. A lady and a duck in bed? Who the [bleep] thought this was a good idea?

Murray: What the hell is this?
Pops: You said Adam drew a potato family.
Murray: Not actual potatoes. Potato shaped. And what are they doing on a farm?
Pops: Where else would a potato family live?

Murray: This might partially be my fault. I may have said something along the lines of old people die and he may have come to conclusions.
Pops: What conclusions?
Murray: You know, if you're at the deli counter of life, and you've got your ticket. You're gonna get your sandwich sooner than other people will.
Pops: What is this horrible deli? I hate this deli.
Murray: We all gotta eat there sometime.
Pops: Well, I'm just gonna have a pickle.
Murray: Can't just have a pickle.
Pops: I can and I will.
Murray: You can't just have a pickle.
Pops: I'm in better shape than you! Check out these guns!

Barry: Or there's option 3: pick one of the names I've carefully crafted for you.
Adam: "Spazitron Spazzowitz." "Nads Asshattington." "Turd Smugglins."
Pops: No! Who would name their child Turd if their last name was Smugglins?! Who?!

Murray: Rule number four: no coming in after 10 o'clock.
Pops: Ten in the morning or ten in the evening?
Murray: Why would anyone come in at ten in the morning?
Pops: Why would anyone come in at ten in the evening?

Barry: One question. Why is it funny? No one on Earth would name their son Who!
Matt: He's right. Kind of lame.
Barry: Okay, here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna make this actually funny by changing all the names.
Pops: Don't change the names.
Barry: First base is Mr. ClownFarts. Second base is Bob Frapples. And third base is Giant [bleep]face.
Pops: No! Those aren't real names!
Barry: They're more real than your first baseman, Mr. Who!
Pops: It makes no sense! No parent with the last name of [bleep]face would name their child "Giant"! Ever!
Barry: Then what would they name him?
Pops: Josh!

Adult Adam: [v.o.] My grandfather also had his own way of ordering, befriending anyone within a 10-table radius.
Pops: Excuse me. What's that golden hunk of meat you're enjoying there?
Woman: It's a pork chop.
Pops: Is it good?
Woman: Very.
Pops: I'm not in the mood for trafe. What about your handsome friend? What are you working with? Is that some kind of pilaf?
Man: It's wild rice.
Pops: You go, Adam. I got a feeling these people have a story to tell.