Richard Gilmore Quotes Page 1 of 13    

Quote from You've Been Gilmored

Richard: Better not wait. Small gaps in your insurance coverage can lead to big mistakes. Oh, I could tell you horror stories.
Emily: Brian Hunter.
Richard: Yes. He owned a home for 40 years - huge mansion - never updated his coverage. One night, his trophy bimbo wife got into a drunken snit, lit a curtain on fire with her marijuana cigarette, and burned the place to the ground. He couldn't afford to rebuild. Lost his fortune, lost the bimbo.
Emily: Now he sells sunglasses out of the back of a van in California. Cheap ones.
Richard: Because he didn't update his coverage.


Quote from You've Been Gilmored

Richard: You sure he's legit?
Lorelai: Of course it's legit. Come on, Dad.
Richard: Don't be naive. There are schemers about preying on the naive.
Emily: John Kendall.
Richard: John was drinking at a party, met a fellow, switched all of his coverage to the guy, wrote him a huge check on the spot. Then he suffered earthquake damage, and there was no record of the insurance transaction. It was a scam. Now he's working at the gift shop at the Grand Ol' Opry.
Emily: Horrid music.
Richard: Sells cowboy shirts and toy banjos.

Quote from The Great Stink

Richard: Well, naturally I thought they were referring to the archduke. So I jumped in, as who wouldn't? With some thoughts about the various conspiracy theories surrounding his infamous assassination in Sarajevo. Imagine my surprise when I learned that Franz Ferdinand was the name of a very popular rock-'n'-roll band.
Emily: [laughs] That's what he gets for trying to fraternize after class with his students.
Richard: One of them even offered to burn a CD for me.

Quote from Pilot

Rory: So, Grandpa, how's the insurance biz?
Richard: Oh, people die, we pay. People crash cars, we pay. People lose a foot, we pay.
Lorelai: Well, at least you have your new slogan.

Quote from Kill Me Now

Emily: And after Sophia, we had Anton.
Richard: That's right. Anton was the one that I liked.
Lorelai: I'm sorry. Dad, how do you mix up Anton and Sophia?
Richard: What do you mean?
Lorelai: Well, one is a man and one is a woman.
Richard: And your point being..?
Lorelai: That one is a man and one is a woman.
Richard: I have a lot to do in a day, Lorelai. I don't have time to keep up with the multitudes of people that your mother employs.
Lorelai: But one is a man and one is a woman.

Quote from Kill Me Now

Lorelai: Uh, Rory has to pick a team sport to play.
Rory: It's a requirement.
Richard: "Physical fitness is as important as intellectual fitness." So says Plato, and so say I.

Quote from Christopher Returns

Lorelai: Mom, neither of these two have any musical talent.
Christopher: Hey, I play guitar. The opening lick to Smoke On The Water. And I've mastered the opening lick to Jumpin' Jack Flash.
Richard: I'm a Chuck Berry man myself. [Lorelai snorts] Something wrong?
Lorelai: I would never have guessed that last sentence would ever come out of your mouth.
Richard: And why not?
Lorelai: Chuck Berry?
Richard: Yes, Chuck Berry. He was all the rage when I was in school.
Lorelai: So we're talking pre "My Ding-A-Ling"?
Richard: I believe I am.

Quote from The Bracebridge Dinner

Richard: So there we are, it's a beautiful moonlit Prague night and we're strolling across the Charles Bridge when we come across this group of kids blasting this song by that awful woman. Who is she? The tall, bony one married to the deceased mustachioed Congressman.
Rory: Cher?
Emily: That's the one.
Lorelai: The year of "Do you believe in life after love?"
Rory: A difficult time for all of us.
Michel: I like that song.
Richard: Oh, I was appalled. Prague has played host to some of the greatest composers in history. Mozart named a symphony after it, for heaven's sake. So what did I do?
Emily: I've tried so hard to forget this.
Richard: I stood beside them and their boom box and I hummed Mozart's Prague Symphony as loud as I could. [humming]
Lorelai: Oh, the bizarro Battle of the Bands.
Taylor Doose: And did it work?
Richard: Well, they quickly packed up and went their way.
Emily: But then he kept on humming the Mozart. He wouldn't stop.
Richard: Well, at that point, I was hoping for some gullible tourists to drop money at my feet.
Emily: Two of them did.
Richard: And I kept it!

Quote from The Bracebridge Dinner

Richard: I want to talk to you. Please. Well, I don't need to remind you about how I've been feeling at work. My frustration just built to the point where... Again, you know this. So I arranged to meet the CEO yesterday just to talk about the situation and about the rumors I had heard floating around. So I met with Floyd. We shook hands, had coffee and then I started telling him about how unhappy I'd become. I detailed all my years with the company, all the travel I'd done, all the weekends I'd put in, the sacrifices I had made, including time with my family, for the firm. And the more I talked, the angrier I became. And then, suddenly, I heard myself resign. Just like that. Floyd was stunned. I'd never seen Floyd stunned. I enjoyed seeing Floyd stunned. So I finished my coffee and I walked out of that office and I couldn't believe what I had just done. I'd resigned, quit. I believe I even used a little profanity in the process. But do you know what, Emily? I was thrilled, elated. A giant weight had been lifted off my chest. I noticed Floyd's secretary staring at me and I realized it was because I was smiling. Well, nobody had seen me smile there in a very long time. I was... I was happy.
Emily: And you chose not to tell me, your own wife?
Richard: I know I've done nothing but disappoint you these past few months what with how isolated I've become and all the social engagements I've made you cancel and all the friendships I've jeopardized. And you like order. You like lists. You like to know where you're going or what's coming. You like all things planned. And then suddenly I impulsively unplan our entire future in one fell swoop. Well, I couldn't face disappointing you again. I couldn't face telling you that I had spoiled the plan. Not now, not at this time of year. I didn't want to fight. I didn't want to worry. I just wanted to keep being happy. I'm very, very sorry. Anyhow, I've been sitting here going over our financial situation. Now, we still have all our retirement accounts and our medical coverage is all there. By quitting, though, we do forego some of my pension and some stock options. Not a terribly significant amount, but an amount all the same.
Emily: Richard, let's just go to bed.

Quote from Richard in Stars Hollow

Richard: You didn't order any grapefruit.
Lorelai: Yeah, I don't really like grapefruit.
Richard: Hmm. I always start my breakfast with half a grapefruit.
Lorelai: Do the Florida people know about you? Because Anita Bryant left this huge gap that has yet to be filled.
Richard: It's important to start the day off correctly, Lorelai. A grapefruit is brain food. It has vitamin C and folic acid, and it helps with your digestion. It really is a terrific fruit.
Lorelai: I feel like you're about to break into song.
Richard: I'm serious about this, Lorelai.
Lorelai: I know you are, but I still don't like grapefruit.
Richard: Well, there are many things in life that we don't like but their benefits far outweigh the temporary discomforts we have to endure.

Next Page