Rose Nylund Quotes Page 1 of 70
Quote from Dorothy's New Friend
Rose: I remember when I was a little girl back in St. Olaf. There was this old lady who lived up the street. She never smiled. I mean, she always looked angry. The kids said she'd kill anyone who even stepped on her property. We called her Mean Old Lady Higgenlooper.
Blanche: Yeah, kids can be pretty cruel.
Rose: No. That was her name. Mean Old Lady Higgenlooper. She had it changed legally 'cause everybody called her that anyway.
Blanche: Then how come your name isn't Big Dummy?
Rose: Well, there were already three other people in town with that name. But that's beside the point. One day I got up the courage to go up to Mean Old Lady Higgenlooper and ask her why she always frowned. Well, she had been born with no smiling muscles. I pointed out that a frown is just a smile turned upside down. So from then on, whenever I'd go by, she'd stand on her head and wave.
Quote from Henny Penny - Straight, No Chaser
Blanche: This is horrible. As Big Daddy used to say, "I'm feeling lower than the rent on a burnin' building."
Rose: That's funny. I used to live in a burning building. And it was cheap. It was Charlie's and my first house. Well, scoff if you must, but it was warm and toasty. I'll never forget Charlie throwing me over his shoulder and dashing across the threshold. Oh, it was a beautiful place. Three bedrooms, two baths. Then two bedrooms and one bath. Eventually, we outgrew the place.
Quote from Mother Load
Rose: Therapy's a wonderful idea. Oh, I remember St. Olaf's most famous psychotherapists, the Freud brothers, Sigmund and Roy. You may have read their bestseller, "If I Have All the Cheese I Want, Why Am I Still Unhappy?"
Quote from Even Grandmas Get the Blues
Rose: Oh, good, you're home for the Festival of the Dancing Virgins. The sauce is almost ready.
Dorothy: I'm not staying for dinner tonight. There's a meeting at Mensa. That's the organization for people with high IQs like mine.
Rose: You know, in St. Olaf we had a chapter of Mensa, and across the room was Girlsa. No, wait, those were the bathrooms at St. Olaf's only Italian restaurant.
Quote from Till Death Do We Volley
Dorothy: I am so excited. I can't believe I'm going to see Trudy again after all these years.
Rose: Oh, I'm excited for you, too, Dorothy. That's why I want everything perfect. I'm making Scandinavia's oldest and most traditional appetizer treat: cheese and crackers.
Blanche: Cheese and crackers, Rose? Not eggs gafloofen? Ham and gunterhoggins? Pigs in a svenkabluden?
Rose: No, but you sure know how to make a girl's mouth water.
Quote from Older and Wiser
Rose: Well, it wasn't unnatural in St. Olaf. We not only took care of our old people, we revered them, honored them, put them on a pedestal. 'Course, that's how we got to be the broken hip capital of the Midwest.
Quote from If at Last You Do Succeed
Rose: That's a St. Olaf war bond. Charlie bought us those in '42. I didn't realize I still had those.
Blanche: Wait a minute. Are you telling me that St. Olaf printed its own war bonds?
Rose: Yes. Oh, we were very patriotic. In late '42, we wanted to fund the development of a top-secret weapon that we were sure would end the war. Attack cows.
Blanche: Take me now, Lord.
Rose: No one expects trouble from a cow. The plan was, we would drop these highly trained killer cows behind the enemy lines. It wasn't till they were airborne that we realized a cow can't pull a rip cord. Well, the project wasn't a total failure. If there's one thing the Germans hate, it's a mess.
Quote from Nice and Easy
Blanche: Oh, I'm calling the exterminator!
Rose: Oh, no, don't! A mouse saved my life once. His name was Larry. Larry the mouse. Oh, I loved Larry. He used to walk to school with me every day on a little leash I made out of kite string. Well, one day, we were about to cross the bridge down near the schoolhouse, and Larry stopped dead in his tracks. No matter how I yanked on that leash, he just wouldn't move. Suddenly, I heard this loud noise. The dam upstream had broken, and this rush of water swept the bridge away. Larry saved my life. If it weren't for a mouse just like that little one in the kitchen, I wouldn't be sitting here today, telling you this story.
Dorothy & Sophia: Call the exterminator!
Quote from The Stan Who Came to Dinner
Rose: Well, sometimes people need help making decisions. That's the way it was with Thor, our pet lamb. From the time he was first separated from his mother, he wouldn't eat, he wouldn't sleep, he wouldn't frolic with the other sheep.
Dorothy: You're slipping into verse, Rose. Keep it simple.
Rose: Daddy got the idea of taking this old inner tube, wrapping it in wool and putting it next to Thor's bed at night. We named it Brun Hilda. And believe it or not, it did the trick. Thor felt like he was back with his mother and he began eating and sleeping...
Dorothy & Blanche: And frolicking.
Rose: Yes. But then one day, Thor got a little playful and accidentally bit Brun Hilda. The poor little guy just stood there, watching his mother deflate before his very eyes. He was never the same after that. Oh sure, once in a while he'd "baa" at the back tires of a parked car. But for the most part, he just kind of kept to himself.
Quote from The Housekeeper
Dorothy: Look, Marguerite is a lovely person. She just cannot do the job.
Rose: [sighs] I hate to admit it, but you're right. We had a similar situation back in St. Olaf, with Mrs. Gunderson, our grade school teacher. Oh, she was the nicest woman you'd ever want to meet, but as the years went by, she got her facts a little confused. In biology class she started telling kids that the human body was made up of 80% Ovaltine. While we were studying WWI, she told us mustard gas was something you got from eating too many hot dogs. That's why to this day in St. Olaf, everyone celebrates the 4th of July with a thin omelet on a bun.
Dorothy: What do you say after we fire Marguerite, we each chip in and get Rose a CAT scan.