TV Quotes

Rose: This has been the worst day of my life.
Dorothy: Honey, what happened to you?
Rose: First, my alarm didn't go off so I was late to work, and then I had a flat tire on the way, and when I finally got there, I smashed my hand in the door. Oh, I feel like crawling under the covers and eating Velveeta right out of the box.
Dorothy: I hear B.B. King does that when he's tired of singing the blues.

Blanche: Dorothy, what'd they say about the blood test?
Dorothy: Oh, we didn't wait around for the results. I don't need a blood test to tell me who my mother is. A mother is someone who raises you and loves you and is always there for you. I don't need any more proof than that.
Sophia: Me neither. I raised her, and I was the one who got her through that awkward period. The 50 toughest years of my life.

Rose: This is a very depressing conversation.
Blanche: Well, I want a fancy funeral. I want a big parade with a riderless horse. And I want to lie in state, and then be buried in Arlington Cemetery.
Rose: Why Arlington Cemetery?
Blanche: Because it's full of men.
Rose: But they're all dead.
Blanche: So are the men I date.

Miles: Dinner was delicious, Rose. What was it?
Rose: It's a Scandinavian specialty - kuldomar.
Miles: I've never heard of that before, but it's marvelous.
Rose: Oh, you just throw together some ground pork and cabbage.
Sophia: Cabbage, she serves me. In ten minutes I could be sky-writing.

Blanche: I can't wait to meet Dr. Newman. He was fascinating on the phone. He analyzed my dream!
Dorothy: What dream?
Blanche: Oh, that recurring dream I have where I'm running naked through a train that keeps going through tunnel after tunnel, while a sweaty bodybuilder chases me. He said he thinks it's sexual.
Dorothy: He thinks? For God's sake, Blanche, you smoke a cigarette after that dream.
Blanche: Not all my dreams are sexual. I also dream about food. 'Course, I'm usually naked while I'm eating the food. You know, maybe all my dreams are sexual. Lucky me!

Rose: Oh, Dorothy.
Blanche: Oh, you're beautiful.
Sophia: Oh, pussycat, look at you. But to tell you the truth, I was hoping you'd use my wedding dress.
Dorothy: That's nice, Ma. As what? A hand puppet?

Marlowe: Nice try, ma' am, but Philip and Gloria are innocent of those crimes.
Dorothy: Perhaps, but they are both murderers.
Sophia: Sit down, Dorothy. Don't make a fool of yourself.
Marlowe: Would you care to explain?
Dorothy: In the first place, it is unlikely that Gloria murdered her father. Statistics show that patricide is overwhelmingly a male crime. Although daughters frequently murder their mothers!