TV Quotes

Blanche: What are you gonna do today, Dorothy?
Dorothy: Sit in a dark room and smoke ten packs of cigarettes.
Rose: Dorothy, I know what you're going through. I smoked for years.
Dorothy: You smoked? Rose, that's like finding out Lassie was an alcoholic.
Rose: Lassie was an alcoholic?! That explains why she always tipped to one side when she waved goodbye to Timmy.

Rose: Oh, my God! Give me that knife!
Dorothy: What are you doing?
Rose: I can't let you go through with this! Do you want to spend the rest of your life rotting away in some disgusting jail cell, bribing screws for cigarettes and toilet paper?
Dorothy: Rose, in Miami, it is not a felony to cut the wedding cake!
Rose: Cut the wedd... Oh, I thought you were gonna stab Stan.
Dorothy: Don't be ridiculous! I mean, do you honestly believe I would stab Stan at my own daughter's wedding?
Rose: Oh, no, I guess not.
Dorothy: Well, of course not! I would wait until after the wedding. There are too many witnesses.

Blanche: Oh, I do love the rain so. It reminds me of my first kiss.
Dorothy: Aw, your first kiss was in the rain.
Blanche: No, it was in the shower.

Rose: What are you doing?
Sophia: It's Tuesday night. I'm cleaning out my purse.
Rose: Did all that stuff come out of your purse?
Sophia: No, I was also cleaning out my ears. That's where the Feenamint and the rain bonnet came from.
Rose: Sophia, why are you in such a bad mood?
Sophia: Forgive me, Rose, but I haven't had sex in 15 years and it's starting to get on my nerves.

Dorothy: Rose, I am not going. It is degrading.
Blanche: Dorothy, come on now. Don't be a stick-in-the-mud. It's for the Children's Hospital. I mean, if you can't degrade yourself for a bunch of sick kids, who can you degrade yourself for?

Blanche: Dorothy, you could be my chaperone.
Dorothy: Oh, please.
Blanche: No, I'm serious. You're the perfect third wheel. I don't mean that in a negative way. I just mean you make men uncomfortable. It's a gift. Don't waste it. Well, as long as you don't mean it in a negative way. Oh, of course not. You know, growing up in the South-
Dorothy: God, here it comes! The honeysuckle, mint juleps, three-legged dogs, you and Opie and Floyd and the barbershop. Blanche, get to the point.

Blanche: I'm just a little depressed. For the first time in my life, I feel over 40.
Dorothy: You know why that is, honey?
Blanche: Why?
Dorothy: Because you're over 50.