The Good Place Quotes
The Good Place
After her untimely death, Eleanor Shellstrop (Kristen Bell), a self-absorbed woman without much virtue to her name, arrives in a heavenly utopia run by architect Michael (Ted Danson).
Kristen Bell, William Jackson Harper, Jameela Jamil, D'Arcy Carden, Manny Jacinto, Ted Danson.
Recurring Actors: Marc Evan Jackson, Tiya Sircar, Maya Rudolph, Kirby Howell-Baptiste, Jason Mantzoukas, Maribeth Monroe, Adam Scott, Brandon Scott Jones, Benjamin Koldyke.
Original Run: 2016-2020.
Tahani: Oh, Jason, I'm so sorry.
Jason: Janet was my whole afterlife. How am I gonna get over her?
Tahani: I used to have a breakup routine when a relationship ended. Champagne and Alanis Morissette. Not the actual singer. I just listened to her albums at my friend Adele's house.
Michael: I still don't have a grip on the human emotional spectrum. You guys are often happy when you should be sad and angry when you should be happy, and texting when you should be driving, which is not an emotion, I know, but it's insane. The point is, in this case, even if it's not rational, you're allowed to feel a little angry. Let yourself off the hook. Process it and work your way through it, and then get your shirt together. Because we have a lot of work to do.
Chidi: [sings] You put the Peeps in the chilipot, and eat them both up You put the Peeps in the chilipot, and add the M&Ms You put the Peeps in the chili pot, It makes it taste... bad! [clears throat] [talks] I'm gonna eat all this chili and/or die trying. Anyone want any? I'm just gonna put it right down here. Come on. Dip your paws in my chili. Scoop your little mittens right in the stew.
Man: Professor? I can see that you're going through something, but exams are next week. So can you teach us anything?
Chidi: All right, nerd. You want to learn something? I'll teach you something. I'm gonna teach you the meaning of life. How do ya like them apples? Now over the last, 2,500 years Western philosophers have formed three main theories on how to live an ethical life. Now, first off, there's "virtue ethics." Aristotle believed that there were certain virtues of mind and character, like courage or generosity. And you should try to develop yourself in accordance with those virtues. Next, there's consequentialism. The basis for judgment about whether something is right or wrong stems from the consequences of that action. How much utility, or good, did it accomplish versus how much pain, or bad. And finally, there's deontology. The school of thought that there are strict rules and duties that everyone must adhere to in a functioning society. Being ethical is simply identifying and obeying those duties and following those rules. But here's the thing, my little chili babies all three of those theories are hot, stinky, cat dookie. The true meaning of life, the actual ethical system that you should all follow is nihilism. The world is empty. There is no point to anything and you're just gonna die. So, do whatever! And now, I'm gonna eat my marshmallow candy chili in silence and you all can jump up your own butts.
Woman: Is that going to be on the test?
Chidi: Yes. And no. And you all get "A"s or "F"s. And there is no test. And you all failed it, and you all got "A"s. Who cares? Goodbye. [groaning voice] Goodbye.
Chidi: What are you doing?
Eleanor: [gasps] Dude, I'm freaked out about my meeting with Michael, and if I spend one more second staring at Creepo the Clown, I'm gonna lose it.
Chidi: You named the clowns?
Eleanor: Psycho, Creepo, Crazy Head, Stupid Juggling Weirdo, Freaky Feet, and Nightmare George Washington. One of them has to go.
[Eleanor replaces Creepo with a poster of a shirtless delivery guy.]
Chidi: Oh, sexy mailman. Much better.
Eleanor: I was never good at being sad, partly because my mom straight up told me not to be. But this is sad, man. You got a John Locke quote or piece of Kantian wisdom you can throw at me?
Chidi: Those guys were more focused on rules and regulations. For spiritual stuff, you gotta turn to the East.
Eleanor: I'll take anything you got. Hit me.
Chidi: Picture a wave in the ocean. You can see it, measure it, its height, the way the sunlight refracts when it passes through, and it's there, and you can see it, you know what it is. It's a wave. And then it crashes on the shore, and it's gone. But the water is still there. The wave was just a... a different way for the water to be for a little while. That's one conception of death for a Buddhist. The wave returns to the ocean, where it came from, and where it's supposed to be.
Eleanor: Not bad, Buddhists.
Chidi: Not bad. None of this is bad.
Eleanor: I need you to do me one last favor.
Eleanor: Say good-bye to me now, and leave before I wake up.