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‘The Snowplow’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

The Good Place: The Snowplow

304. The Snowplow

Aired October 11, 2018

Michael keeps intervening in the humans' lives to keep the study group going in Australia.

Quote from Jason

Simone: Jason? You OK there, mate?
Jason: No. I have to watch the Jaguar games alone, on my computer at like three in the morning on Mondays. It's so annoying. Everything here is in a... I don't know how to describe it, like... a different zone of time. No, that sounds stupid. A different clock land.


Quote from Janet

Cashier: G'day, how can I help you?
Michael: One scratch-off lottery ticket, please!
Janet: Oh! Not that one. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going. [quietly to Michael] These tickets were printed before we got down here. I know which ones are the winners! [to the cashier] And... stop! That's the one. Good ol' lucky number 186 from the bottom!
Cashier: Here you go.
Janet: Also! That bathroom key that you lost nine months ago, slid under the register. And the woman that you think is your aunt is actually your mum. OK, bye!

Quote from Tahani

Tahani: I'll watch the game with you, Jason! I enjoy American football. I actually dated a player once. But he wasn't my type, so I set him up with my friend Gisele... Bundchen.
Eleanor: Yeah, we got it. We always get it.

Quote from Eleanor

Eleanor: If nobody minds, uh... I would like to address... the people on this cake, I suppose. I get that we all have meaningful lives outside the study. Well, Tahani and Chidi do. Jason and I are straight trash.
Jason: Ka-kaw!
Eleanor: But, just... I mean, think about how much progress we've all made since that picture was taken. I know that what we're doing is important, and I'm not ready to stop. And I don't think you guys are either. So let's all stay here, and keep it going. What do you say?
Tahani: Eleanor! That was absolutely... lovely.
Chidi: It really was. And I am... I'm so glad that this study meant that much to you. But, realistically...
Eleanor: That's cool. I get it. No, you don't need to say it. I... I got it. That's all she wrote. Cool.
Chidi: Are you OK? I hope you're not mad.
Eleanor: No, I'm not mad. I'm actually laughing. Because this whole study was a hilarious, stupid, pointless joke and now it's over, so let's hit the road. I don't need you guys. You don't need me, and since you don't need me I'm just gonna take the "me" out of this cake. [grabs a piece of the cake with her hands]
Tahani: No! Eleanor, please!
Eleanor: [mock British accent] Oh, sorry, the deed is done! Pip pip, too late! Ah, farewell to you, my liege. And a jolly good Saint Ploopington's Day to all of you! USA! USA! USA!

Quote from Simone

Eleanor: Why did I do that?
Simone: OK, here's my guess. As humans evolved, the first big problem we had to overcome was "me versus us". Learning to sacrifice a little individual freedom for the benefit of a group. You know, like sharing food and resources so we don't starve or get eaten by tigers, things like that.
Eleanor: OK, with you so far.
Simone: The next problem to overcome was "us versus them". Trying to see other groups, different from ours, as equals. That one, we're still struggling with. It's why we have racism and nationalism, and... why fans of Stone Cold Steve Austin hate fans of The Rock.
Eleanor: No, we hate The Rock because he went Hollywood and Stone Cold keeps it real, so The Rock's fans are the real jabronis. Point made. Keep going.
Simone: Well, what's interesting about you is... I don't think you ever got past the "me versus us" stage. I mean, have you ever been part of a group that you really cared about?
Eleanor: I was in the Girl Scouts.
Simone: Really?
Eleanor: Technically, I joined under a fake name because I wanted to steal a bunch of cookies.
Simone: See? The Brainy Bunch is basically the first group that became part of your self-identity and now that's breaking up, you're feeling this new kind of loss. And you're scared of going back to being alone. I mean, that's just my guess. The other possible medical diagnosis is that you're just a bit of a dick.

Quote from Eleanor

Eleanor: Hey, Teach? I've been having so much fun here, but... I didn't plan to stay in Australia this long, and I'm super broke. Any idea where I can get a part-time gig?
Chidi: What kind of work are you looking for?
Eleanor: Well, I'm really good at telemarketing. I can usually guess how long to microwave food without looking at the box. I'd say those are my two main skills.

Quote from Tahani

Eleanor: How are you even lugging this thing around? I'm not sure I could bench this much weight.
Tahani: Well, girls in my social class begin ring-training at a very young age. Oh, I'm throwing a little engagement party tonight at my Airbnb. It's very last minute, just come as you are.
Chidi: I guess all these people... came as they were?
Tahani: Hello, everyone! I'm so glad you made it!
Eleanor: Holy crap, Tahani, you found this place on Airbnb?
Tahani: Oh, no. I... I see why you're confused. I used HeirBnB. "H-E-I-R." It's an app for heirs and heiresses where we swap mansions, private islands... blimp hangars, that sort of thing.

Quote from Jason

Simone: Great news, everyone! The funding from the Neuroscience department came through!
Jason: And you blew it all on cupcakes? Exactly what I would have done. Respect.

Quote from Eleanor

Simone: Eleanor?
Eleanor: Ah... I'm good. I try to avoid pointless group activities, you know, like office Christmas parties or jury duty. To me, the single most awful sound in the universe is that mangled opening note of your co-workers singing "Happy Birthday".
Simone: Cool stance. Counterpoint: these are delicious free cupcakes. Get over yourself and eat one.

Quote from Eleanor

Eleanor: Hate to say it, but the group probably needs a new member. I dunno how we'll ever replace Tahani. Do you think Margot Robbie is into philosophy?

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