Eleanor: Yes, we will no longer be together. The Bad Place has pulled off the most intricate cork-blork of all time. Hmm, it's a nice touch that the cursing filter maintains the rhyme. I appreciate that attention to detail.

Michael: Hang on. I'm not giving up yet. Let's have an old-fashioned brainstorming session. We'll get Chinese food, and we'll throw pencils and stick them in the ceiling, and someone will say something innocuous and I'll say, "Wait... Say that again."

Eleanor: Okay, listen. There's a guy out there who's awake and doesn't know what's happening, okay? You gotta pull it together. You've got this.
Michael: No, I absolutely do not. I'm not meant for any of this, Eleanor. I'm just middle management! [Eleanor shushes him] What if I fail? It'll be like the failure to end all failures. It'll be... an epic fail. Is my tie getting tighter, or is my neck getting fatter somehow? Oh! This is what we do. We tell the judge we have to cancel the experiment because I have a fat neck. She'll understand.

Eleanor: Thanks, guys. I think I can be the architect. I saw how Michael ran the neighborhood in the memories he showed me and there was, like, a four-year period where Brad Pitt really wanted everyone to know how into architecture he was, and I read a lot of those interviews, so I think that might help me.

Eleanor: This is insane and obviously against the rules.
Shawn: [on video chat] Yeah, too bad it's not, dill hole.
Michael: She'll remember them. It's going to destroy the integrity of the experiment, Your Honor.
Tahani: Plus, now I have to live next to a man who once lied and said I wasn't at Diddy's White Party. I was there, Eleanor. I was. You must believe me.

Michael: I think this new dynamic may actually be good. You know, it gives me more time to observe and plan. You'll be the face of the operation and I'll be the mastermind behind the scenes, like Cyrano De Bergerac. [off Eleanor's blank expression] Like, Kris Jenner.
Eleanor: Oh! Totally.

Chidi: Next time you see me, it'll be like I'm a new resident. I won't know any of you.
Jason: So, will you remember that time in Australia when we stayed up late and we ate pizza together?
Chidi: No, buddy, I won't.
Jason: Will you remember when we ordered the pizza?
Chidi: No.
Jason: Will you remember pizza?
Chidi: Will I remember what pizza... is? [Jason nods] Yeah. I'll still know what pizza is.
Jason: Okay, so not a total loss.

Tahani: But this is awful. You two won't be together anymore. I haven't met a more perfect couple since I set up Drake with Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

Eleanor: [sniffs] I don't normally cry at movies... But that one was pretty good... That girl was hot. The guy was, too.
Chidi: I'm gonna miss you so much, Eleanor.
Eleanor: Except you won't. That's what's so scary about this whole thing. I'm gonna miss you. You're just gonna think I'm some sexy godlike figure who you wanna hump immediately after meeting her.
Chidi: I know you're deflecting by making jokes about how hot you are.
Eleanor: It's not a joke. I'm a legit snack!

Eleanor: Hi, Janet. Can you just, you know, like, tell me the answer?
Janet: Sorry?
Eleanor: You know, the answer to everything. You know all there is to know in the universe. Crunch the numbers. Tell me the answer. What's the point of love if it's just gonna disappear? And how is it worse to not love anybody? There has to be meaning to existence, otherwise the universe is just made of pain, and I don't like the thought of that, so tell me the answer.
Janet: I know how you feel. Back on Earth, I had to watch Jason have no recognition of me. It felt like... right before someone pushes a plunger and murders you.
Eleanor: Sure.
Janet: The more human I become, the less things make sense. But that's part of the fun, right?
Eleanor: What do you mean?
Janet: If there were an answer I could give you to how the universe works, it wouldn't be special. It would just be machinery fulfilling its cosmic design. It would just be a big, dumb food processor. But since nothing seems to make sense, when you find something or someone that does, it's euphoria. In all this randomness and this pandemonium, you and Chidi found each other, and you had a life together. Isn't that remarkable?