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‘Help Is Other People’ Quotes Page 1 of 4

The Good Place: Help Is Other People

407. Help Is Other People

Aired November 7, 2019

As Michael and Eleanor count down the hours until the end of their year-long experiment, Simone reveals her suspicions about the Good Place.

Quote from Tahani

Tahani: Okay, in the words of Princess Kate after we came back from our shopping trip in Ibiza, "There's a lot to unpack here." Perhaps we should just put our concerns aside and enjoy ourselves.

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Quote from Eleanor

Eleanor: Focus. We cannot let this slip away from us at the last second. New plan: forget the toasts. We do nothing. We hope that our early successes make up for the embarrassing mess we've become. Like Facebook or America.

Quote from Chidi

Chidi: Well, if it is hell, I know why I'm here. Almond milk. I drank so much of it despite the negative environmental impacts.

Quote from Brent

Brent: Well, right at the beginning, I talked to Mike and Eleanor, and they were like, "Yeah, don't tell anyone this, but there's a place better than this, the Best Place, and that's where you're headed, amigo."
Chidi: I don't think they actually called you amigo.
Brent: I had to go through the year here, kind of a test, I guess, which, obviously, I aced. So at midnight, I'm in the first Escalade out of here, baby.
Simone: Brent.
Brent: Yeah?
Simone: Think about this.
Brent: Okay.
Simone: How could you get into the Best Place? You would literally have to be one of the most incredible people in the universe.
Brent: I mean, it makes sense to me. I don't know what to tell you.

Quote from John

Tahani: I am very excited for tonight. And dare I say, you all look so splendid, you could work the coat check at the Met Gala.
John: Ooh, speaking of the Met Gala, remember that security cam footage of Solange and Jay-Z fighting in the elevator? I learned to read lips. Turns out, she was yelling, "No fair, I wanted to be the one to push the button." [chuckles] So, uh, yeah, it wasn't as juicy as some people maybe thought it was.

Quote from Tahani

Simone: Jianyu, are you okay? You look sweaty.
Tahani: Oh, no. He's fine. He always sweats when he's meditating. He calls it "sweat-itating." No, I mean, um, he doesn't talk, so I call it that. [chuckles] I'm friends with Sting.

Quote from Jason

John: I can't take it anymore. I know something, and it's just graduated from hot goss to relevant AF. Yes, I'm gonna. I'm gonna. That's not Jianyu. His name is Jason. And he's here by mistake. Chidi's been helping him hide and become a better person. [exhales heavily]
Tahani: I also knew about this, of course. Might as well come clean, darling.
Jason: Hi, Simone. Jason Mendoza, Jacksonville, Florida. Go, Jags, obviously. Um, what else about me? I was born in a swimming pool.

Quote from Chidi

Simone: Soul mates? That's what Eleanor said, that we're soul mates?
Chidi: Yep. Pretty neat, huh? I think it's pretty neat. Do you think it's pretty neat, intensely, forever?
Simone: Chidi, I really like you. But I don't think we're soul mates. Because I don't think soul mates actually exist.
Chidi: Right. Right, right. Right?
Simone: Think rationally. Isn't it weird that she only told one of us that we're soul mates?
Chidi: Is it odd? Yes. Does it mean that Eleanor's motives are questionable? Also, yes. But does it suggest that she wasn't being truthful? Yes. Okay, I'm starting to see your point.
Simone: Whoa.
Chidi: What does that mean? Why is it only four of us? Why not Tahani and Jason? Why are there emojis? I mean, one of them's party hat guy. I mean, that's good, right? He's friendly. It's better than thermometer guy or angry cat or smiling poop coil.
Simone: Okay, we have to get back to the party before Eleanor and Michael notice we're missing.
Chidi: Great plan. Let's kiss. Sorry, still thinking about the soul mate thing. Let's go.

Quote from Jason

Eleanor: Whoo, I hope this works. We basically just confirmed that we're lying to them.
Michael: Oh, man. Was this a bad idea? I mean, what if this was a bad idea?
Jason: It wasn't, homey. It was a good idea.
Michael: Can anyone else weigh in?
Jason: I'm serious. In football, trying to run out the clock and hoping for the best never works. It's called "prevent defense." You don't take any chances and just try and hang on to your lead. But prevent defense just prevents you from winning. It's always better to try something.
Tahani: Jason, that was... coherent.
Jason: Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to.

Quote from Jason

Eleanor: Brent was the right choice. It's not a tough call whether to save Chidi because he's a brilliant and kind person with a caboose you can bounce a quarter off of, and I know because I've done it. We threw Brent in there because there is no reason any of them should help him because Brent sucks. Brent is the opposite of a box of doughnuts.
Jason: Toilet full of broccoli.
Eleanor: Yeah, kinda, Brent is a toilet full of broccoli. But because he sucks so bad, if they do risk their safety to help him, they'll get more points.
Jason: Basically it's a Hail Mary. It's risky, but if we complete it, we win the game.
Tahani: That was two good analogies in a row. I'm now worried that he's a demon in a Jason suit.

Quote from Chidi

Simone: Okay, wherever we are, I do not wanna be here when the clock hits zero, okay? Now might be our only chance to escape.
Chidi: Not without Brent.
John: Do you think if the roles were reversed, he would waste any time rescuing you?
Chidi: Maybe. If Elle Macpherson were nearby and he wanted to impress her or if he thought that I was a prince he could ransom... That's not the point. He is a person in a hole. I have a duty to help him get out. What he would do is irrelevant.
Simone: I don't think it is. If you do a science experiment a thousand times and always get the same results, you move on. We've given Brent a thousand chances to be a good person. In one of them, he was so awful, you punched him in the face.
Chidi: Okay, but when I did that, I thought cutting him out of our group meant that he would have to find another place in heaven to hang out. That's changed. I can't just leave him.
Simone: Well, I respect your position.
Chidi: I respect yours.
John: Look, I know everything's really scary right now, but I just have to say it. That was the most boring breakup I've ever seen.

Quote from Simone

Simone: I've been suspicious about this place since day one. Over the last few months, I've been collecting data, and now I am positive, something is truly forked up.
Chidi: You didn't tell me about any of this, muffin.

Quote from Simone

Simone: There's nothing here. Did you find anything?
Chidi: Just some song lyrics that Michael wrote. "Here's a trippy little ditty 'bout a train to Groovy City. Open up your freaky crystal mind and we'll have a cosmic good time."
Simone: See, that makes me think we're in hell.

Quote from Tahani

Michael: That movie, minus the part where Eleanor gives away the entire experiment, will play before the party tonight.
Tahani: Speaking of which, the theme is "One Year Down, Infinity to Go." Dress is London black tie. That means Knightsbridge black tie, not Kensington or, heaven forbid, West Brompton. [laughs] Can you imagine?
Jason: [chuckling] No.

Quote from Janet

Janet: Also, just after midnight, in order to reset my processing power, I will be violently eating my Janet babies. I'd advise no one look directly at me.

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