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‘A Fractured Inheritance’ Quotes Page 1 of 4

The Good Place: A Fractured Inheritance

307. A Fractured Inheritance

Aired November 1, 2018

Michael and Eleanor visit her mother in Nevada where she is living under a new name. Meanwhile, Chidi, Jason and Janet join Tahani as she visits her sister's art exhibit in Budapest.

Quote from Tahani

Tahani: Ugh. Maybe we should just go. There are plenty of other people I could help, like my good friend Ben Affleck and his crippling addiction to back tattoos, or my other good friend Matt Damon and his crippling addiction to my friend Ben Affleck.

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Quote from Michael

Eleanor: So my mom is alive, and she lives here. Why didn't you tell me sooner, man?
Michael: I had already told you that you died and that I had tortured you for centuries and that you're doomed to be tortured again. I just didn't want to be, like, a bummer.

Quote from Eleanor

Eleanor: Oh, hey. Who the hell is this chick?
Dave: This is my little potato pie, Patricia. And who might you be, by the way?
Donna: Eleanor is my sorority sister.
Eleanor: Right. Good old Kappa Zeta... Jones.

Quote from Tahani

Tahani: Until Kamilah accepts my apology this open wound will hinder any progress she might make toward getting into the Good Place. Also, I'm going to strangle her, which will hinder any air from getting into her lungs.

Quote from Eleanor

Michael: But now you know everything important about your life. I promise.
Eleanor: A police officer came to my home and told me that my mom had been accidentally trampled to death when she bent down to adjust her toe ring at a Rascal Flatts concert.
Michael: That police officer was an actor. See, about a month before, your mom had gotten drunk, wandered into a charity auction, and bid $30,000 for a date with Gene Simmons, outbidding everyone else by $29,800. She didn't want to pay, so she faked her death, moved to Nevada, and reinvented herself as Diana Tremaine.
Eleanor: Diana Tremaine is my fake ID name. I... [gasps] How dare she steal the identity I stole?
Michael: Look, I know this is a lot to take in, but we're here to help your mom get into the Good Place. Whatever you're feeling, remember, this is not about you.
Eleanor: Right.
[later, as her mother opens the door:]
Eleanor: How could you do this to me?

Quote from Jason

Tahani: I can't believe I have to wait in line to see my own sister. I have never waited in any kind of formation before, let alone a line.
Chidi: Wow. Is this whole room just her work?
Tahani: Don't be fooled, Chidi. Kamilah is a charlatan. All she has to do is paint some dumb shapes, and people go mad.
Jason: Those aren't dumb shapes. They're a pair of boobs. And then two extra side boobs. It symbolizes that boobs come in all shapes and sizes and distances apart.

Quote from Michael

Dave: So how did you and Eleanor become friends?
Michael: Let's just say that we lived in the same neighborhood.
Dave: Oh. [chuckles] What a fun way to say a normal thing, right?

Quote from Janet

Jason: Wow. So this is what a museum looks like. If you look at this painting closely, you can really notice the interpretation.
Janet: I know you're just being silly and effortlessly charming, but you actually just picked the most valuable painting in the entire museum. As of last year, that work was valued at $39.2 million.
Jason: Oh, snap, I forgot you know everything. How much is that one worth?
Janet: That one is worth $13.7 million.
Jason: That one's got a bunch of colors. That's got to add some value. Can we do this for all the paintings?

Quote from Michael

Michael: Check out what Dave gave me. Plans for a Subaru dealership/burlesque club he's designing in Reno. Man, Nevada's a mess.

Quote from Michael

Michael: She's a kid. You can't disembowel her toys.
Eleanor: Fine. New plan. You casually mention that you're rich and seduce Donna. When she goes for you, it will prove that this whole thing is a sham. First things first, do you have a penis?
Michael: I will not seduce Donna. For one thing, I could never do that to my pal, Dave. It goes against the architect's code. Also, your mother seems happy here.
Eleanor: The Donna I know wouldn't be caught dead in this suburban boredom factory. She's scamming them. Look, believe me, don't believe me. I don't care. I'm gonna prove it.
Michael: Young lady, you will stop this nonsense, go to the PTA meeting and support your mother. I won't hear another word about it.
Eleanor: What the hell was that?
Michael: Well, I was going for the "stern but, you know, caring dad" vibe. No? Didn't work?
Eleanor: No, not even close... like, not in the ballpark.
Michael: I was trying something, Eleanor. Give me a break.

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