TV Quotes

Michael: Do you know why I forced you to act like a monk in the original neighborhood?
Jason: Does it have to do with the TV show Monk?
Michael: No.

Michael: You get it all out of your system? You gonna come back, get to work?
Eleanor: No, man, I meant what I said. I quit.
Michael: I'm sorry you overheard that, and they're sorry they said it. But you don't just get to quit this, Eleanor. This is not your seventh-grade band, or three hours into a two-week juice cleanse. A little more at stake here.
Eleanor: Yeah, man, that's why I'm quitting. The things that are happening here are above my pay grade. How do I get Brent to stop being such a deckhead? How do I fix Simone when she's convinced all of this is happening inside of her brain? Ooh, maybe I should drive her into the arms of my ex-boyfriend? That sounds fun. What do I do about John, the gossip king, or the demon spy who punched me in the face? And how do I do it all with a pleasant smile to keep everyone's spirits up? I'm not meant for this. I'm not the freakin' savior of the universe. I'm just... a girl from Arizona. That's it. I'm just a normal girl from Arizona. I ate junk food, I watched reality shows, I sometimes left H&M wearing more underpants than I had on when I came in. I did a bad job of being in charge of my own life, and now I'm supposed to be in charge of everyone else's life? I... I cannot do this.

Tahani: Who can convince her that this actually is the afterlife? We need someone authoritative and reassuring, like Nelson Mandela or Sir Patrick Stewart. Or really any of my old racquetball partners would do.

Michael: Okay, Janet's passing out the file on Tahani Al-Jamil, who volunteered to be today's test subject. So, take a look, and then we'll get going.
Tahani: They don't seem very enthused. This may be a tougher challenge than I thought, like when I tried to teach Taylor Swift how to dance. The longest four years of my life.