Tahani Quote #163
Tahani: Oh, Jason, I'm so sorry.
Jason: Janet was my whole afterlife. How am I gonna get over her?
Tahani: I used to have a breakup routine when a relationship ended. Champagne and Alanis Morissette. Not the actual singer. I just listened to her albums at my friend Adele's house.
More The Good Place Quotes
Quote from A Girl from Arizona (Part 1)
Tahani: Who can convince her that this actually is the afterlife? We need someone authoritative and reassuring, like Nelson Mandela or Sir Patrick Stewart. Or really any of my old racquetball partners would do.
Quote from Mondays, Am I Right?
Michael: Okay, Janet's passing out the file on Tahani Al-Jamil, who volunteered to be today's test subject. So, take a look, and then we'll get going.
Tahani: They don't seem very enthused. This may be a tougher challenge than I thought, like when I tried to teach Taylor Swift how to dance. The longest four years of my life.
Quote from Most Improved Player
Tahani: I really do have sympathy for your situation. I mean, you thought your soul mate was a good person, and then you learned that she's just an immoral grifter.
Chidi: Tahani, please.
Tahani: Am I wrong? She lied to everyone. She caused a giant sinkhole into which poor Glenn fell. She caused a trash storm. She... Well, she pretended to be my friend when I really needed one. And, lest we forget, she murdered Janet. As far as I'm concerned, the sooner she's gone, the better off we'll all be.
Chidi: I... I understand that Eleanor violated our trust, but please, when you're talking to Michael, try to think about what she's had to go through.
Tahani: All right. I will, for you. But we've been through a lot as well. You know, I haven't been this upset since my good friend Taylor was rudely upstaged by my other friend, Kanye, who was defending my best friend, Beyonce.
Quote from Eleanor
Eleanor: All right. Time to go help Simone and Chidi. Oof! Why did I come up with this idea? This is gonna hurt real bad.
Michael: I know. I know. But I think it's gonna work.
Eleanor: Yeah, but it's gonna suck for me. You sure there's no other girl from Arizona who can do this? What about Emma Stone? She's from there. She's very capable. Remember her in Zombieland? And La La Land? What's with all her movies ending with "land"?
Michael: You're stalling.
Eleanor: Yup. Heading out.
Quote from Jason
Michael: Do you know why I forced you to act like a monk in the original neighborhood?
Jason: Does it have to do with the TV show Monk?
Quote from Eleanor
Eleanor: Go ahead, guys. Speak your mind.
Janet: It isn't personal, Eleanor. When we started this experiment, I calculated a 9% chance of success. After your first three days on the job, it's down to 7.1%. So purely from a mathematical standpoint, you are kind of pooching it.
Eleanor: Very helpful feedback. And if I could give you some feedback, uh, I'd say that you're all ungrateful ash-faces, who can shove your fat grumps all the way up your snork-box.
Michael: Which curses were those?
Eleanor: I didn't ask for this. I'm only doing it because Michael, who is supposed to be in charge, had a nervous breakdown the second it started. But maybe you can do it better than me. Tahani can be in charge since she's so smart. Or better yet, Jason. Maybe all of humanity can be saved with one good, old-fashioned Jacksonville carnival.
Jason: I mean, we could try. All I need is a bouncy house, some ninja stars and a bunch of ambulances.
Eleanor: Well, good luck, fork-faces. I quit. Shellstrop out.