Michael: Hey, how's it going?
Janet: Not good, Michael. I don't have my powers. I can't summon things. Dictionary. Spaghetti. Jet-ski. Giraffe. Gah! Look what I've been reduced to! Humans only live 80 years and they spend so much of it just waiting for things to be over.
Michael: I'm all out of sorts down here, too. I'm bad at lying now. That used to be my thing! And every part of my body is either too dry or too wet.
Janet: It's worse for me, man! Ever since we walked through that portal, my knowledge has stopped updating. The instant before we left, a man in Caracas, Venezuela, named Raul Benitez was eating a ham sandwich. Did he finish it? I don't know and it's making me crazy! I gotta find him.

Jason: Oh, Mrs. Teacher... for my turn, is there any way to get like... extra radiation?
Simone: There is no radiation in an MRI. But why do you ask?
Jason: Uh, no reason.
Eleanor: Jason, what have you got in your hand there, bud?
Jason: Nothing.
Eleanor: Is it a spider?
Jason: Yes.
Eleanor: Do you think taking a spider in an MRI machine will give you super powers?
Jason: Hey, it might work. He already bit me a bunch of times and gave me the power to swell up my hand!

Judge: Now, come with me.
Janet: [a tray of beers appears] Hey, my powers are back online. [a chair appears] This must be everything I tried to summon on Earth. [a plate of spaghetti and a turtle appear]
Judge: Stop it!
Janet: I don't think I can. I'm like a printer when the print queue suddenly starts processing all the unprinted documents... Oh, man! Buckle up, folks. [a huge pile of stuff appears between Janet and Michael, and the Judge]
Michael: Let's go. Right now!
Judge: Janet! Make it stop! Janet, stop it! Janet, this is annoying! Janet!
The Doorman: [tosses Michael the keys] Good luck, frog man. I'm pulling for ya.

Trevor: Hey, Mikey, fancy seeing you down on Earth completely illegally. Sweet outfit. Dick Tracy called, he said you're a butt-face and he's been plowing your mum.
Michael: Yeah, well, Dick Tracy called me too, first. And he said he was about to call you and say a lie about me that was actually true about you, instead. Whatever.
Michael: What are you doing here, Trevor?
Trevor: Shawn hacked the Judge's system, and we caught you cheating getting your four little cockroaches to meet up. What? You think we were just gonna sit around in the Bad Place blowin' beefers while you're down on Earth boning us in the meat-hole?
Michael: So, why didn't Shawn just go to the Judge and turn me in?
Trevor: Because this way's more fun, knuckle-nuts!
Michael: First of all... I'm currently formulating a better comeback to your Dick Tracy burn and it's gonna devastate you. Second, you're too late... because when I did this experiment in my neighborhood every time Eleanor asked Chidi for help, their bond became unbreakable and the entire group improved.
Trevor: No, you're right. There's no way I'll get one of these bozos to drop out of an unpaid rigorous academic, study, especially when they're doing it with me... their overeager new best friend. Well, I should head back. You want to come with? Oh, right, they've all seen you already so you can't show your face to them again... so you're powerless to stop me. Later days, dingus.
Michael: Dick Tracy called back, on his watch phone and said you better watch out! Shoot. A second too late.

Tahani: I once played a drinking game with Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively at their macrobiotic farm with a particularly robust batch of homemade kombucha.
Jason: Do I have to drink for every word I don't know?
Trevor: Up to you. Just drink.

Michael: Ooh, hey, what happened with Chidi and where's Eleanor? This... this... this is all moving too fast!
Janet: Can we just take Trevor out? I don't know if he can die, but I could drop a steamroller on his head. Oh, darn it! I can't summon things! I guess I could kick him with my soft feet? Earth sucks!

Tahani: Attention everyone, do not look at me!
Simone: Oh, I don't... don't know what to do.
Tahani: I am both over hung and humiliated by my uncouth comportment last night. Please accept these formal letters of apology. Further apologies for their appearance. I just couldn't find a proper calligrapher at five in the morning.

Judge: Do you realist what you did? You meddled in human affairs. That ripples out, man. Do you know how much weird stuff has happened because of your little experiment? England left Europe. That Hugh Jackman musical about P.T. Barnham... it made like 400 million dollars. Also, the Jacksonville Jaguars are good now!
Michael: Impossible!
Judge: I'm serious! They're gonna make the playoffs. Blake Bortles is kind of OK... Maybe? I don't know, it's being debated amongst experts. It's confusing. But whatever it is, it's yo' fault!

Janet: Michael, a demon has infiltrated the group.
Michael: Not just any demon. Trevor is a diabolical, sadistic agent of evil. Might just be the single most dangerous creature in the universe.
[elsewhere:]
Trevor: Who wants lemon bars? It's my nana's recipe and they are just sinful. Love 'em on my lips but hate 'em on my hips, if you know what I mean.
Eleanor: Alright, new guy, comin' in strong with free dessert.
Trevor: You must be Eleanor, the reason this is all happening.
Eleanor: I am. That's so nice to hear someone say "Eleanor, you're the reason this is all happening" who isn't a judge in small claims court.

Janet: Can I get you started with some drinks? Our specialty cocktail tonight is "The Fourth of July". It's half an apple pie, blended with Southern Comfort and Coca Cola served in a Chevy hubcap. [chuckles]
Trevor: Why don't you just go get us a round of beers?
Janet: Of course. Here you go... [holds out hands] Sorry... I will go physically pick those up, I guess, and then walk them back here with my feet. But just so you know, I will be here all night, watching everything that you order.