Jason Mendoza Quotes Page 1 of 17

Quote from Jeremy Bearimy

Jason: Why don't you want your name on the opera house? I love getting my name on stuff. In Jacksonville, I got a flu virus named after me 'cause I kissed a bat on a dare.

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Quote from Dance Dance Resolution

Jason: Yo, yo, homies, check it. There's something messed up with this place. We keep fighting with each other. None of the TVs get the NFL RedZone channel. My soul mate doesn't even know who Blake Bortles is. I know this sounds crazy, but I think we're in the Bad Place.
Michael: Jason figured it out? Jason? This is a real low point. Yeah, this one hurts. Ow.

Quote from Dance Dance Resolution

Chidi: Michael, what do we do here?
Michael: I don't know. Apparently, the Bad Place knows that one of you actually belongs down there with them, and they want that person to get inside the obelisk, or they're gonna take all of you.
Jason: I can't go. I'm too young to die and too old to eat off the kids' menu. What a stupid age I am.

Quote from Leap to Faith

Jason: I can't believe Michael betrayed us again. Why is it always the ones you most expect?

Quote from What We Owe to Each Other

Tahani: Jianyu, my love. How are you?
Jason: [looks at Magic 8-Ball] I am decidedly so.
Tahani: That's very profound.
Tahani: Um, soul mate... an idea. Our neighborhood now features a spa, and it offers couples packages. And I thought maybe we could get facials and do yoga and talk in long, discursive sentences. What do you say?
Jason: [looks down] Signs point to yes.
Tahani: Oh! Marvelous. We'll go today.

Quote from What We Owe to Each Other

Jason: Dude, you got to come with us to the spa.
Chidi: No way. No, that's really weird. You can't make small talk with her for one day without being caught?
Jason: No, I can't, and she freaks me out. She's so pretty, like Nala from The Lion King. And she talks so smart, like, um... Nala from The Lion King. You got to help me.

Quote from Best Self

Jason: What do you guys think the Bad Place is going to be for you? I'll probably go to a Skrillex concert. And I'll be waiting for the bass drop, and it... [weeps] it'll never come.

Quote from The Brainy Bunch

Jason: Oh, Mrs. Teacher... for my turn, is there any way to get like... extra radiation?
Simone: There is no radiation in an MRI. But why do you ask?
Jason: Uh, no reason.
Eleanor: Jason, what have you got in your hand there, bud?
Jason: Nothing.
Eleanor: Is it a spider?
Jason: Yes.
Eleanor: Do you think taking a spider in an MRI machine will give you super powers?
Jason: Hey, it might work. He already bit me a bunch of times and gave me the power to swell up my hand!

Quote from The Snowplow

Simone: Jason? You OK there, mate?
Jason: No. I have to watch the Jaguar games alone, on my computer at like three in the morning on Mondays. It's so annoying. Everything here is in a... I don't know how to describe it, like... a different zone of time. No, that sounds stupid. A different clock land.

Quote from Jeremy Bearimy

Tahani: This was a truly great plan.
Jason: Ah, thanks. Man, there are so many times that just this amount of money would have changed my life. I could have paid my rent. I could've gone to a real doctor instead of pretending I was a big dog so I could go to the vet.

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