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‘Hey, Look Me Over’ Quotes

The Golden Girls: Hey, Look Me Over

701. Hey, Look Me Over

Aired September 21, 1991

Rose is upset when a photograph shows that Blanche may once have slept with her late husband, Charlie. Meanwhile, Dorothy is concerned Sophia's hearing is going.

Quote from Blanche

Rose: Wait a minute. If you didn't sleep with any of the men in these journals, then how come it says "Bed" on the cover?
Blanche: [laughs] Oh, that doesn't say "Bed."
Rose: Right there, it does.
Blanche: Oh, silly, those are my initials. Blanche Elizabeth Devereaux.
Dorothy: Your initials spell "Bed"?

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Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Well, I've got two tickets here for the final night of the Philharmonic, and one of them has your name on it. Here you go, Opus.
Dorothy: I thought you two went last night.
Sophia: I traded those for these. Actually, last night we went to see Dying Young. Terrific. I laughed till I peed. And then I laughed at that.

Quote from Dorothy

Blanche: Hey! Anyway, Dorothy, these new hearing aids just fit right in the ear canal. Nobody can even see 'em, so what does it matter?
Dorothy: It matters because it's a step I don't want to take. Look, I don't mind being divorced or having to struggle to pay my bills or having to eat my weight in supplements every morning, but I will not do this. I will not become an old person. [holding her shoulder] Ooh, rain's coming.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Come on, Dorothy, I'm kidding. I read that flyer you brought home. Every time you get a pamphlet, I get that disease. And not just diseases. I thought for a while I was a Jew for Jesus.
Rose: Hi, Sophia.
Sophia: Shalom.

Quote from Rose

Rose: Of course, that was before he met Blanche. Pretty, affectionate, fun-loving Blanche. Say, where is old Happy-pants?
Dorothy: She and Ma went to the Philharmonic.
Rose: I thought you were going to that.
Dorothy: Why bother? It's not like I'd be able to enjoy it.
Rose: True. On the other hand, Beethoven was also deaf, so you'd be hearing the music the way he wrote it.

Quote from Rose

Blanche: What about this? You still want this old camera?
Rose: Where did you find that? That was Charlie's camera. And it still has film in it. Oh, I bet these are the pictures from Charlie's last birthday. I took most of our savings, and I- I bought him a couple of acres of the most beautiful land in Minnesota. Oh, girls, you should've seen the look on his face when it was delivered.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: I need some coffee.
Blanche: Oh, I'd love a cup, Sophia.
Rose: Oh, me, too.
Sophia: Oh, sure, make the oldest one in the tribe serve the young. And after you have your fill, I'll go to the mountaintop and let the wolves eat me.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: Honey, why don't we ask Blanche?
Rose: Oh, I can't talk to Blanche. When I'm upset, everything comes out wrong. Face it, Dorothy, I don't have your quick wit, your conversation skills, your- Your way with- With-
Dorothy: Words?
Rose: Words. Thank you. I'd probably end up calling her a slut.
Dorothy: Oh, come on. Honey, "slut" is a little harsh. I mean, Blanche isn't that bad.
Blanche: Oh, my God, I can barely walk.
Dorothy: Although "slut" does have a documentary feel to it.

Quote from Blanche

Rose: You- You harlot!
Blanche: Oh, Rose, I'm sore because I was using your Exercycle.
Rose: I'm talking about this picture.
Blanche: Oh, my God, where did you find this? Oh, I'm so embarrassed. My hair, it looks like a helmet.
Dorothy: Blanche!
Blanche: It's all bunched up and pointy. Honey, you gotta burn this. I look like the Rocketeer.

Quote from Rose

Dorothy: Blanche, forget about your hair. That is Rose's husband with you.
Blanche: Who, Charlie? No, I never met Charlie.
Rose: You not only met him. You slept with him, just like you sleep with everybody.
Blanche: I most certainly do not.
Rose: Oh, come on, Blanche. You've landed on your back more than... More than...
Dorothy: The American Gladiators.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Ma, you didn't hear that. Now, face it, you can't hear high frequencies. Why can't you be honest about what's happening to you? Why do you insist on becoming feeble?
Sophia: Feeble? Now, you listen, Dorothy. I may not have your gift for word jumbles or your ability to float or your way of making small children weep...
Dorothy: But?
Sophia: Or your butt. Thank you. But there's one thing I do have.
Dorothy: Oh, what's that, Ma?
Sophia: Two thousand shares of Xerox, which I bought at... My health. I've got my health.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Listen, Ma, I made an appointment for you for 2:00 this afternoon. Either you go and get your hearing checked, or I will make life miserable for you.
Sophia: Oh, come on. You said the exact same things to me before you took me to Shady... I'll go pretty up.

Quote from Blanche

Rose: Dorothy, it just doesn't make sense. Why was Charlie with that tramp if he didn't sleep with her?
Dorothy: Now, come on. Blanche might be a little loose, but she's not a tramp.
Blanche: Okay, here they are. The names of all the men I have dated since my husband died.
Dorothy: What do you know? The tramp keeps records.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Dorothy, most of the men in these pages just fantasized about going to bed with me.
Dorothy: Oh, what do the gold stars mean?
Blanche: I had a good time.
Dorothy: What do the silver stars mean?
Blanche: I ran out of gold stars.

Quote from Dorothy

Blanche: Okay, let's see. You said eight years ago, spring? That starts right here. I'm gonna prove to you I am not a sexually indiscriminate person.
Dorothy: Or her name isn't "Bed."

Quote from Dorothy

Rose: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. It says right there you slept with a traveling salesman.
Dorothy: Ah, in fairness, it says that on her license plates.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: You're just gonna gloat about this, aren't you? This is nothing but a big victory for you. Look, I am not gonna get a hearing aid, and that's all there is to it.
Blanche: But, Dorothy, you're the one who's been talkin' about aging with dignity.
Dorothy: Not for me. For her. I mean, look at her. The woman is hundreds of years old. She should be carbon-dated.

Quote from Rose

Blanche: Rose, you know I said I'm sorry. Can't you put yourself in my position?
Rose: Apparently I'm not limber enough.
Dorothy: That was good.

Quote from Dorothy

Blanche: Rose, Dorothy needs a hearing aid, but she won't get one because she's afraid she'll feel old.
Dorothy: I don't get it. When did I become my parents' age? Gosh, you know, I remember being 20 years old and--and worrying that if I didn't spend the holidays at home, I might never see them again. Everything changes so suddenly. You know what's young to me now? Forty. Suddenly, 40 is young.
Blanche: Oh, aren't you sweet.
Dorothy: [sighs] Every day it's something else. The hair gets gray. The eyes get weak.
Rose: And you shrink. It's scary. I mean, you measure your height against your arm span, and when they stop being equal, you're actually getting smaller.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: You missed a sensational concert tonight.
Dorothy: I'm glad I didn't go tonight. Who needs the crowds, the hassle?
Sophia: You're sounding old, pussycat. It's not a hearing aid that makes you old. It's what you're becoming by not getting one. Think of what you're missing, all the things I hear. The birds singing, the wind in the trees, the sound of the ticker tape telling you Xerox has gone up to... My health. Did I mention I've got my health?

Quote from Rose

Rose: No, you listen. Charlie was the most important man in my life, but as much as I cared about him, I can't help but care about you, too. You're like a sister to me, and I can't throw that away, so I forgive you for being a moral-less, emotionally needy, man-leech with an air bag in her headboard. And I'm sorry I said you were insensitive.

Quote from Rose

Dorothy: Wait a minute, Rose, have you seen the rest of these pictures?
Rose: I'd rather not.
Dorothy: Honey, I think there's some mistake. Look, here's Blanche in bed with Charlie, but this one's Blanche in bed with a pontoon boat. Here's Blanche in bed with the big orange from the Sunkist building, and here's Blanche in bed with the Country Bear Jamboree.
Dorothy: Honey, do you know what this means?
Rose: I sure do. My God, you're an animal!

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: Rose, these are double exposures.
Rose: Double exposures?
Dorothy: Yes, obviously Blanche took pictures with the camera over film that was already in it.
Blanche: Well, how strange! And what a great alibi for the future.
Rose: But wait a minute. What were you doing taking pictures of yourself in bed?
Dorothy: You've seen her Christmas cards.


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