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Stranger on a Train

‘Stranger on a Train’

Season 3, Episode 3 - Aired April 26, 2022

Erin's family and friends are excited to take a trip to the seaside resort of Portrush and visit the amusement park.

Quote from Granda Joe

Gerry: Why have you got a surfboard, Joe?
Joe: Jim across the road gave me the lend.
Gerry: I'll start again. What are you planning to do with the surfboard, Joe?
Joe: Surf. Something I always fancied doing, ever since I saw that film, the one where the lads try to catch thon big fish.
Gerry: What film is that?
Joe: You know, the big fish, the musical fish.
Gerry: The musical fish?
Joe: He hums a tune before he attacks people. They try to catch him but their boat's too wee.
Gerry: Are you talking about Jaws?
Joe: That's the one.
Gerry: Jaws made you want to take up surfing?
Joe: Aye.
Gerry: Grand so.


Quote from Ma Mary

News Anchor: [on TV] Ian Paisley and the DUP say they will not enter any kind of talks with Sinn Fein unless the IRA decommission all arms.
Aunt Sarah: I'm convinced they don't know where they are.
Gerry: What's that?
Aunt Sarah: The IRA. Well, after the ceasefire they've all this stuff just lying about, you know, their guns, their Semtex, their other bits and bobs, and there's nothing worse than clutter.
Mary: Exactly like Mammy's Toby jug collection.
Aunt Sarah: I was just thinking that, Mary.
Mary: I bagsed them all up, stored them somewhere safe, thought no more about them. Six months later Daddy wants to plant some seeds in John Wayne. Well, can I remember where I put them?
Gerry: Are you saying you think the IRA won't decommission because they've misplaced their balaclavas?
Mary: I mean, they'll turn up, I'm sure.
Gerry: The balaclavas?
Mary: The Toby jugs.

Quote from Aunt Sarah

Aideen: Well, I mean, there was someone once, but, he's married now, so.
Aunt Sarah: But not to you.
Aideen: Sure it's only what I deserve, after what happened. Isn't that what everybody thinks?
Mary: Is it?
Aideen: But sure, who hasn't made a mistake in their time, girls?
Aunt Sarah: Don't talk to me. I had a perm in '85 that made me look like Leo Sayer. Dark days. Very dark days.

Quote from Orla

Erin: Take them off, Orla, they're mental.
Orla: They're cracking.
Mary: Are they really suitable, love?
Orla: They won't let you on the disco swing if you don't meet the height restrictions, Aunt Mary. I simply will not risk it.

Quote from Aunt Sarah

Aunt Sarah: Christ, is that the time? I've that much to do I'm passing myself here, and now my right ear has closed over.
Gerry: What?
Aunt Sarah: I've been trying to put my earring in for 45 minutes, but no joy. Give us over an ice cube, will you, Mary? I'm going to freeze the lobe and ram a needle through it.
Gerry: Please don't.

Quote from Aunt Sarah

Mary: OK. Do you wear glasses?
Aunt Sarah: Sure, glasses do nothing for me, Mary. You know that.
Mary: No, your character.
Aunt Sarah: What?
Mary: On the board, remember? Your character on the board. Are they wearing glasses? [Sarah has a blank expression] Aged six and up it said on the box.

Quote from Granda Joe

Aideen: Anyway, enough of my woes. We've not heard much out of you, Joe. How's life been treating you?
Joe: Ah, not great, I'm afraid. I caught dementia.
Aideen: Dementia?
Joe: Riddled with it, so I am.
Aideen: Ach, that's awful.
Joe: I can't remember a bloody thing.
Aideen: I am so sorry to hear that, Joe.
Joe: Thanks, love. [winks at Gerry]
Gerry: [quietly] Fair play, Joe.

Quote from Michelle

James: [deep breathing]
Michelle: I'm sorry, can nobody else hear that?
James: What?
Michelle: The racket you're making.
James: I'm just breathing.
Orla: It sounds a bit like when you let the air out of a bouncy castle.
James: It's average. It's normal, average breathing.
Michelle: It's English breathing, James.
Erin: It is a bit oppressive, actually.
James: Fine. I'll just sit on my own, then, shall I?
Michelle: Yeah, thank you.

Quote from Da Gerry

Mary: Will this be enough?
Gerry: I thought you weren't going to bother making lunch, we were going to get something there.
Mary: We are. This is for the journey.
Gerry: It's an hour on the train, love.
Mary: Aye, better do a few more rounds.
Gerry: No more rounds. For the love of God, put the knife down, woman.

Quote from Aunt Sarah

News Anchor: [on TV] It's a serious stumbling block in an already precarious peace process.
Aunt Sarah: I just can't believe this.
Gerry: Yeah. Let's hope they can work it out.
Aunt Sarah: I've frozen the wrong lobe.
Gerry: I see.

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