Joe McCool Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Quote from Episode Five

Gerry: Joe, it's all just a bit trickier today. There are so many roadblocks up, there are so many diversions, and, you know, I drive for a living.
Joe: He says this like it's something to be proud of.
Gerry: Look, we just need to get out of this place as quickly and as quietly as possible.
Joe: You know what age I am, boy? You know how many of these parades I've lived through? You think I don't realise how quickly a situation can turn? Do you think I would do anything to put my family at risk?
Gerry: No. Of course not. I'm sorry.
Jim: Aye.
[cut to Joe's car stuck in the middle of the Orange Order parade:]
Joe: What are you looking at, you tangerine tool?!


Quote from Episode One

Joe: Them wains shouldn't have to take the bus to school. You should be driving them, you useless shite.
Gerry: I have to work, Joe.
Joe: Work? Ha-ha! Is that what you call it?
Gerry: Yes.
Joe: Why don't you just leave my Mary alone?
Gerry: Because we've been married for 17 years, Joe. We have two children. And because we're in love with each other.
Erin: Oh, boke.
Joe: I'll find some dirt on you yet, boy. I've got people working on it.

Quote from Episode Five

Joe: You'll not tell me where I can and can't go in me own town! Orange bastards!

Quote from Episode Three

Joe: You stay over too, son?
James: Yes, I did. That's correct, sir.
Joe: [looks at Erin] What, in your room? [to Gerry] Have you nothing to say about this, you slack southern shite? Look, love, I know the fella's gay...
James: I'm not gay.
Joe: But gay or not...
James: Who said I was gay?
Joe: ...he's still a fella. There's still a good chance that he's a rapist. I mean no offence, son.

Quote from The President

Jim: Look, Colm's met JFK. He has experience with presidents, he'll know what to do.
Joe: No chance! I'm sorry, Colm, but you can't be part of this. If you meet Bill Clinton, you'll be a president up. You'll have two presidents to my one. I cannot have you getting ahead of me, president-wise.
Sarah: One of his presidents is dead, Daddy.
Joe: It still counts.
Jim: Ssh!
Joe: I'll only have to even things up again.
Jim: Ssh, Joe!
Joe: I can't spend the rest of my life traipsing around after bloody presidents. I've other things to be at, girls.

Quote from Across the Barricade

Mary: Listen, wains, I've already said this to Erin.
Erin: Mammy, please!
Mary: No funny business with these Protestant lads. Is that clear? I don't want anybody landing back here pregnant.
James: Not very likely in my case.
Joe: I wouldn't rule it out, son.

Quote from Episode Two

Joe: I'll have a chicken fillet burger. No lettuce, no tomato, no cheese...
Gerry: I'll just write plain, will I?
Joe: No onions, no cucumber.
Gerry: One plain...
Joe: No relish, no pickles, no mayonnaise.
Gerry: No chicken.
Joe: What do you mean, no chicken?! [phone rings]
Mary: Get that!
Joe: It's a chicken burger! Of course I want chicken! What are you? A simpleton? "No chicken."

Quote from Ms De Brún and the Child of Prague

Joe: I've got the tickets.
Sarah: We haven't decided what we want to see yet, Da!
Joe: Well, I liked the look of that one with all the lads in the line-up. It's got your man in it, the farmer from Glenroe.
Mary: What, Gabriel Byrne?
Ciaran: He's done a fair bit since Glenroe now.
Joe: Who are you? His agent?
Mary: Da, I don't understand this. You hate the cinema.
Joe: Oh, not since I discovered it's the only way I can spend time with our Colm. It's the one place the boring bastard doesn't talk.

Quote from Episode Four

Joe: Don't know a Jack McGinley, do you? Moved to Moscow, '88, '89, it would have been.
Erin: Seriously?
Katya: No.
Joe: Stocky fella.
Katya: No.
Joe: Curly hair, bit of a lisp.
Katya: I do not know this person.
Joe: Ah, maybe just as well, love. He's an awful prick.

Quote from Episode Five

Joe: What is your problem with the big clock?
Gerry: It wouldn't say I have a problem, as such. It's just much heavier and takes up a lot of room.
Joe: I'm telling you, Mary, that's how it starts. Now he's dictating what size of clock you can pack. Next you'll be telling you what to wear, what to say. Before you know it, you'll be faking your own death and assuming a new identity.
Mary: Erin, I told you not to let him watch that Sleeping With The Enemy.
Erin: Couldn't stop him, Mammy.
Joe: Great show.

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