Lorelai Gilmore Quotes Page 1 of 114    

Quote from Let the Games Begin

Emily: What on earth does Frank Lloyd Wright have to do with my salad?
Richard: And your walnuts.
Lorelai: Mrs. Wright apparently had this major problem with her help. She was very rough on them and they totally hated her. So this guy who had worked for her forever, he had finally had enough. I believe the incident was over walnuts, wasn't it, honey?
Rory: The exact cause has not been proven.
Lorelai: Anyhow, Mrs. Wright invites this whole posse of people over for dinner and they're all sitting around eating, and Mr. Disgruntled Servant Guy goes outside and locks all the doors and windows and douses the whole house in gasoline and sets the place on fire.
Emily: My goodness.
Lorelai: So the house is on fire, and people are freaking out, so they run to the doors but the doors are locked, so a few of them try to get out through the windows, but Mr. Angry-Puss is standing outside with an ax hacking them to death and so they all died.
Emily: Why on earth would you tell me that story?
Lorelai: All I'm saying is, sometimes eating a walnut is preferable to getting hacked to death or set on fire during dinner.
Emily: One of these days I'm going to make you eat in your room.


Quote from Scene in a Mall

Lorelai: [on the phone] What do you look like. Do you look the same?
Rory: Hold on. My nose ring is itching.
Lorelai: Don't kid. I'm mad and needy, and I ended up going out to dinner alone with my parents, who bickered the whole time about which Beatle is alive and which is dead.
Rory: So, where'd they land?
Lorelai: John and Keith are dead. Paul and Bingo are still kicking.

Quote from The Road Trip to Harvard

Emily: You know what? I'm not returning the gift. I'm going to put it away in a closet and you won't know what it is until you do get married someday.
Lorelai: Tell me now.
Emily: Sorry.
Lorelai: Come on, I may never get married. I may be a free spirit my whole life or I'll fall in love with a separated Catholic guy like Katharine Hepburn did and then not get to go to his funeral when he dies.

Quote from The Road Trip to Harvard

Lorelai: "Past graduates: Henry James." Isn't that a beer?
Rory: And a novelist. Go on.
Lorelai: "John Adams." That's a beer.
Rory: Our second President. He's very in right now.
Lorelai: "W.E.B. DuBois, Yo-Yo Ma." Oh, cool! Fred Gwynne.
Rory: Who?
Lorelai: Herman Munster. Now I'm impressed.
Rory: Want something?
Lorelai: A nice, cool Henry James.
Rory: Or some coffee?
Lorelai: Or some coffee.

Quote from Richard in Stars Hollow

Lorelai: How about a triple feature? Three Days of the Condor, The Show, and The Jerk.
Rory: Hmm. The Show is, like, 9.5 hours.
Lorelai: But The Jerk is short.
Rory: Hmm.
Lorelai: The three faces of Costner: Bull Durham, Dances with Wolves, The Postman. Tom Petty playing Tom Petty, that great big speech about: "Once upon a time, there was a thing called mail. It'll make you laugh, cry, or mail something."
Rory: Ooh, we could do a Ruth Gordon film festival. Harold and Maude, Rosemary's Baby, and that really great episode of Taxi.
Lorelai: Got it. The worst film festival ever: Cool as Ice, Hudson Hawk, and Electric Boogaloo.
Rory: Sold.
Lorelai: I'll get the Hawk.
Rory: I'll get the Boogaloo.

Quote from Scene in a Mall

Rory: [on the phone] I could have sworn I told you.
Lorelai: I just reread every e-mail you sent in the past ten days. No sickness mention, but you did share these gems: "Hey, what up? Is it freezing there, too? [chuckles] Ice." And, "Whew. Pooped." Then you added one of those obnoxious hieroglyphics that I can never read that are supposed to indicate you're laughing or smiling or frowning or vomiting. I don't know what.
Rory: That's a typo. I don't do cutesy symbols.
Lorelai: You're not even using verbs. That's not a relationship. Relationships need verbs.

Quote from The Reigning Lorelai

Lorelai: So, apparently, I am now the reigning Lorelai.
Rory: Huh. I guess you are.
Lorelai: It's a lot of responsibility.
Rory: Well, sure.
Lorelai: I mean, it's mostly ceremonial stuff nowadays - declaring knighthoods, opening supermarkets - but now and then, you get to banish someone or pose for a stamp.
Rory: Neat. And coins.
Lorelai: Yeah and coins. You know, someday you'll be the reigning Lorelai.
Rory: I don't like that idea.
Lorelai: Why not? You get a cape.
Rory: Because if I'm the reigning Lorelai, that means you'll be gone.
Lorelai: Gone? No, not me. I'll step down way before that. I'm not gonna pull a Queen Elizabeth on you, make you wait around forever, force you to develop interests in polo and architecture.
Rory: I am scared of horses.
Lorelai: I know that.
Rory: So, there's a cape, huh?

Quote from Tick, Tick, Tick, Boom!

Lorelai: Yes, where did all the anvils go?
Emily: You're talking about those big, heavy, metal things?
Lorelai: That blacksmiths hammered horseshoes and stuff on. Everyone had them. They were featured prominently in every movie western, so where did they all go?
Richard: I don't know that they were that common.
Lorelai: Wile E. Coyote used them. That's how common they were.
Emily: Who?
Lorelai: The cartoon. He was always trying to drop an anvil on the Road Runner's head or shoot it at him out of a giant slingshot or fire it at him out of a cannon. Inevitably, the cannon tilted up, shot it in the air, it fell down, and made an anvil-shaped impression on Wile E. Coyote's head.
Emily: This is a cartoon?
Lorelai: No, no, this just happened to me the other day. I was walking down the street, and this giant anvil- Yes, mother, it's a cartoon.

Quote from Tick, Tick, Tick, Boom!

Rory: I know she sounds nuts, but it's a very common cartoon.
Richard: But that doesn't prove that anvils were so common.
Lorelai: It does. It proves that anvils were so ubiquitous at one point - Is that the word, ubiquitous?
Rory: It depends on where you're going.
Lorelai: That they knew that children would know what they were and delight in them. That's how common they were, children watching cartoons.
Rory: That was the word.
Richard: I've forgotten your point.
Lorelai: Where are all the anvils? I mean, is there some sort of secret anvil storage facility the government is keeping from us?
Richard: Or they fell into disuse with the advent of other technologies, and so they melted them down and they're gone.
Lorelai: But they're not supposed to melt. They were made to withstand the red-hot hammer of the town blacksmith.
Emily: This is easily the most pointless conversation we've ever had.
Lorelai: I don't hear anyone chiming in with rational theories.

Quote from Afterboom

Rory: Ready?
Lorelai: Okay. Wait. Just wait. We can still leave.
Rory: No.
Lorelai: Rory, right now is the point in the horror movie where the entire audience is yelling, "Don't go in there."

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