Lorelai Gilmore Quotes Page 1 of 113    

Quote from Let the Games Begin

Emily: What on earth does Frank Lloyd Wright have to do with my salad?
Richard: And your walnuts.
Lorelai: Mrs. Wright apparently had this major problem with her help. She was very rough on them and they totally hated her. So this guy who had worked for her forever, he had finally had enough. I believe the incident was over walnuts, wasn't it, honey?
Rory: The exact cause has not been proven.
Lorelai: Anyhow, Mrs. Wright invites this whole posse of people over for dinner and they're all sitting around eating, and Mr. Disgruntled Servant Guy goes outside and locks all the doors and windows and douses the whole house in gasoline and sets the place on fire.
Emily: My goodness.
Lorelai: So the house is on fire, and people are freaking out, so they run to the doors but the doors are locked, so a few of them try to get out through the windows, but Mr. Angry-Puss is standing outside with an ax hacking them to death and so they all died.
Emily: Why on earth would you tell me that story?
Lorelai: All I'm saying is, sometimes eating a walnut is preferable to getting hacked to death or set on fire during dinner.
Emily: One of these days I'm going to make you eat in your room.


Quote from The Road Trip to Harvard

Lorelai: "Past graduates: Henry James." Isn't that a beer?
Rory: And a novelist. Go on.
Lorelai: "John Adams." That's a beer.
Rory: Our second President. He's very in right now.
Lorelai: "W.E.B. DuBois, Yo-Yo Ma." Oh, cool! Fred Gwynne.
Rory: Who?
Lorelai: Herman Munster. Now I'm impressed.
Rory: Want something?
Lorelai: A nice, cool Henry James.
Rory: Or some coffee?
Lorelai: Or some coffee.

Quote from The Road Trip to Harvard

Emily: You know what? I'm not returning the gift. I'm going to put it away in a closet and you won't know what it is until you do get married someday.
Lorelai: Tell me now.
Emily: Sorry.
Lorelai: Come on, I may never get married. I may be a free spirit my whole life or I'll fall in love with a separated Catholic guy like Katharine Hepburn did and then not get to go to his funeral when he dies.

Quote from Richard in Stars Hollow

Lorelai: How about a triple feature? Three Days of the Condor, The Show, and The Jerk.
Rory: Hmm. The Show is, like, 9.5 hours.
Lorelai: But The Jerk is short.
Rory: Hmm.
Lorelai: The three faces of Costner: Bull Durham, Dances with Wolves, The Postman. Tom Petty playing Tom Petty, that great big speech about: "Once upon a time, there was a thing called mail. It'll make you laugh, cry, or mail something."
Rory: Ooh, we could do a Ruth Gordon film festival. Harold and Maude, Rosemary's Baby, and that really great episode of Taxi.
Lorelai: Got it. The worst film festival ever: Cool as Ice, Hudson Hawk, and Electric Boogaloo.
Rory: Sold.
Lorelai: I'll get the Hawk.
Rory: I'll get the Boogaloo.

Quote from Love and War Show

Lorelai: Would you like some coffee? How strong do you like your coffee? 'Cause I've built up such a tolerance to it, I make it too intense for most people.

Quote from The Breakup, Part 2

Lorelai: Rory, my heart, it is Saturday, the day of rest.
Rory: Sunday is the day of rest.
Lorelai: No, Saturday is the day of pre-rest.
Rory: Pre-rest?
Lorelai: Yeah, so that way when you actually get to Sunday you're rested enough to enjoy your rest.
Rory: That makes absolutely no sense.
Lorelai: That's because it's 6:00 on Saturday morning.

Quote from The Road Trip to Harvard

Lorelai: So, what about dinner?
Rory: It should probably be something healthy, since we've been eating junk.
Lorelai: We had lettuce on our burgers last night.
Rory: We picked it off.
Lorelai: But it left its essence.
Rory: There's lettuce essence on our burgers?
Lorelai: Definitely.
Rory: And that satisfied our vegetable requirement?
Lorelai: For the week.
Rory: We can't argue with cold, hard facts.

Quote from I Solemnly Swear

Rory: This is your first deposition. Grandma's lawyers just want you to be prepared.
Lorelai: Sample questions, great. It's bad enough I have to give a deposition, now I have to study for it?
Rory: Shall we begin?
Lorelai: Go ahead.
Rory: Please describe how your mother runs her household.
Lorelai: Okay. Well, do you remember the rowing scene in Ben Hur?
Rory: Mom.
Lorelai: I'm sorry, did that reference date me? Should I have gone with the "Express Yourself" video?

Quote from Happy Birthday, Baby

Luke: You ate the cookie, and then you took a cookie out of the box and put it where the cookie you just ate was.
Lorelai: Yeah.
Luke: Well, that's nuts.
Lorelai: Rory made this for me, I don't wanna ruin it.
Luke: Then why'd you eat the cookie?
Lorelai: 'Cause I wanted a Mallomar.
Luke: But why didn't you just eat one out of the box?
Lorelai: 'Cause this one was right here. The box was all the way in the cupboard.
Luke: But you had to go to the cupboard to get the box to replace the cookie you ate off the table.
Lorelai: So?

Quote from The Lorelais' First Day at Yale

Lorelai: Ooh, I'll put it on the computer and then superimpose an important person standing next to you, seeing you off. Like Kissinger or Lady Bird Johnson or Pat Summerall or something.
Rory: Pat Summerall?
Lorelai: You think of somebody better.
Rory: Orson Welles.
Lorelai: It can't be a dead person.
Rory: Pat Summerall's dead.
Lorelai: No, he's not.
Rory: Pat Summerall is dead.
Lorelai: No, I'm telling you, he's not. Lady Bird Johnson is dead.
Rory: No, she's not.
Lorelai: How much you wanna bet?
Rory: Five bucks.
Lorelai: Let's google him right now.

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