Dwight K. Schrute: You know, we really should keep practicing for this interview.
Kelly: Oh, that's okay. Ryan coached me.
Dwight K. Schrute: Ryan? What does he know?
Ryan: It's easy... you just turn every question around on them. Do you think you're treated differently because of your race?
Kelly: Would you ask that same question if I was white? We're so in.
Dwight K. Schrute: "We?"
Kelly: When I become executive, I'm gonna make Ryan manager.
Ryan: And then the two of us are cleanin' house.

Ryan: Does she keep her phone locked around you, Michael? Does she watch how much she drinks around you, Michael?
[aside to camera:]
Ryan: Does she leave the room when she takes phone calls? Does she keep perfume in her purse? Does she shower before sex? Does she shower after sex? Does she-
[back:]
Michael Scott: Yeah, she does all that.
Ryan: Sorry, dude.

Ryan: You know what? I think you're attractive, and I wanna sleep with you.
Erin: What about Kelly?
Ryan: You read my mind.
Erin: [quietly] Is this a joke?
Ryan: Yep.
[returning to Michael in the kitchen:]
Ryan: It's hard to live that way man. You gotta really not care what people think about you. I- I don't know how you do it, Michael. I-I- I can't be that cold.

Ryan: Hey! Marantz tube stereo from the 1970s. I respect that. I respect that a lot. Oh hoho. The five Chinese virility herbs. No kidding. This is powdered seahorse. They say that fifteen Chinese soldiers fought off the entire army of Gengis Khan just using this stuff. You know what they say...
Andy: No what?
Ryan: What is this, Samurai wood cuts? Yep. Pretty erotic.
Andy: Yeah.

Ryan: Great, so we got our first offer to buy the company.
Michael Scott: You're kidding?!
Ryan: We could sell, but why think so small? We can just get a couple more people involved, really do this thing our way.
Michael Scott: You and me, baby.
Ryan: New Investors are key, though. That's actually why I came in today.
Michael Scott: Don't you work here full-time?
Ryan: [chuckles] Today, I was thinking I would sit down with a few of the people who haven't invested yet.
Michael Scott: Mm-hmm.
Ryan: Or we could do that together, if that sounds fun to you.
Michael Scott: That does sound fun to me.
Ryan: Awesome.

Michael Scott: Year after year, I catch a lot of flak on this particular award, because year after year I present this award to a guy instead of a girl. Hottest in the office goes to, [Ryan stands up] Danny Cordray! [Ryan quickly sits] Danny couldn't be here tonight...
[aside to camera:]
Ryan: How do I feel about not winning Hottest in the Office this year? Um, I'm very relieved. How do you- How do you judge something like that? What is the criteria even? It's- It's so subjective.

Deangelo: Hey Ry. Your department's killing it, baby.
Ryan: Hey hey, my pleasure, my treasure.
Deangelo: Keep it up.
[aside to camera:]
Ryan: The problem with having "It" or "the X-factor" or whatever it is you want to call it, is that it's impossible to put into words what you're bringing to the table. So to make things simpler for Deangelo, I just, without lying, strongly implied that I'm Kelly's supervisor. It's not even that much of a stretch. She pretty much does whatever I say.

Jim: Okay, everybody, I was just making a joke. I am taking it seriously, I promise.
Oscar: Are you? [leaves]
Ryan: Little advice? Take a day off from the whole Jim shtick. Try caring about something. You might like how it feels... James.

Ryan: Okay, not to point out the glaringly obvious, but doesn't the fact that I'm in this group make anyone feel just a little bit better? [biting pizza] Oh! This crust is sharp!

Ryan: Can you make ten copies of this for me?
Pam: No.
Ryan: Why not? What are you doing?
Pam: Uh, buying lottery tickets online.
Ryan: [laughs] Ah, everyone wants to be rich, but nobody wants to work for it.
Pam: You came in at 10:30 today, right?