Ryan: I ground up four extra-strength aspirin and put them in Michael's pudding. I do the same thing with my dog to get him to take his heartworm medicine.

Dwight K. Schrute: Where did you get that mallard?
Kelly: What the hell is a mallard?
Dwight K. Schrute: That!
Kelly: Oh, Professor Damien D. Duck, Jim gave him to me.
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, I gave that to him that as a gift, I'm taking that back.
Kelly: If you take it back, I'll scream.
Dwight K. Schrute: [sighs heavily] I'll give you five bucks for it.
Ryan: Twenty.
Dwight K. Schrute: Ten.
Ryan: Deal.
Kelly: You're so cool.
Ryan: [pockets the money] This reminds me, you owe me three bucks for gas.

Erin: Hey, wake up. Let's have some fun. We're in Florida now.
Ryan: Hey, you. I'm so glad this is happening. I actually came to your door twice last night. Come on in, the water's fine. [sees Dwight and the cameras] Oh, not cool!

Michael Scott: FYI, tonight we will be hosting at Louie Volpies!
Kevin: Nice.
Phyllis: I love their bread sticks.
Pam: Oh, their bread sticks are like crack.
Ryan: I love when people say "like crack" when they've obviously never done crack.
Pam: Well, the bread sticks are like what then, Ryan? What can I use?
Ryan: I don't know. Something from your world. The breadsticks are like scrapbooking.
Pam: You're right, you're right. No, I'm a middle class fraud.

Michael Scott: Pam, you can steal the oven mitt now.
Pam: I'll take the iPod.
Ryan: And I have to give it to her? I don't have a choice?
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes. Now, you can steal the oven mitt, the old shirt or the shower radio or pick a new gift.
[Ryan opens a new gift, which is a personalized name plate for Kelly]
Stanley: That was meant for Kelly.
Ryan: Yeah, I figured.

Ryan: I have a test for business school tomorrow night. Is it okay if I skip the cruise and study for that?
Michael Scott: No, this is mandatory. But don't worry. You know what? You're gonna learn plenty. This is gonna turn your life around, Ryan.
Ryan: I'm already in business school.

Ryan: Jim has worked at the same place for five years. Jim eats the same ham and cheese sandwich every day for lunch. I don't know, if I were a betting man, I'd say he will have a fun weekend in Philadelphia.

Dwight K. Schrute: Please be seated.
Ryan: What was that?
Dwight K. Schrute: Pay no attention to the spirits that haunt this hallowed ground.
Ryan: Is that your cousin Mose?
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes.

Pam: So, cool right?
Ryan: There's no connection between the origin story and the quest.
Pam: Okay.
Ryan: We need to know who Jimmy Halpert was before he was bitten by the bear. Otherwise, it's the bear's quest.
Pam: Okay, well, I just sorta meant, like, cute, right?
Ryan: Well, did you come here for help, or did you come here for me to tell you how great it is?
Pam: I mean, help, if it's something simple, like add page numbers or laminate it or...
Ryan: Well, it sounds like you know what you want. [as Pam walks away] It's also a little derivative of a serial called 'Bear Man'. Did you look that up?

Oscar: My friend at the Scranton Blade is totally plugged into these matters.
Pam: You're in the gay mafia.
Oscar: You're thinking of another group. Much wealthier, much older. You sound ignorant.
Ryan: You guys, um, talking Senator?
Pam: No.
Oscar: No. Why would we be talking about the Senator?
Ryan: 'Cause he's totally gay?
[aside to camera:]
Ryan: Um, how do I know that Robert is gay? He "liked" my Facebook photos at 3 o'clock in the morning.