Kelly: This is ridiculous! Why can't there just be two Kate Middleton's?
Andy: Guys, I know. I mean, I wish there could be, too. It's like, I can't choose. They're both amazing. It's just...
Kelly: Look, I stayed up all night and I watched that GD wedding, and then I came to work and I made everyone else watch it all day. Meredith wasn't even here.
Meredith: Because I was there. [playing video on cell phone, shouting in Cockney accent] You're the people's princess! Diana was nothing!
Andy: I thought you were at your sister's funeral.
Meredith: What I said was, "My sister's funeral is this weekend." Didn't say I'd be there.
[aside to camera:]
Meredith: Why is it such a shock that I follow the royal story? Warms my heart, thinking about them two kids, doing it.

Meredith: You guys got to try this pool. No top scum, no band-aids. This thing is choice.

Meredith: Who's the one who didn't bring lice into the office? Meredith. Sure I gave everybody pink eye once, and my ex keyed a few of their cars, and yeah I BMed in the shredder on New Year's. But I didn't bring the lice in. That was all Pam.

Andy: Erin, how long did we order those billboards for?
Erin: Six months.
Andy: Oh, god. I need you to call the billboard company.
Meredith: [entering office] Great billboard! Funny, edgy, right up to the line without crossing it, loved it.
Andy: Which one did you see?
Meredith: Washington Street, the one with, like, twenty dongs on it.

Holly: So, regarding the supplier, approximately how many liaisons have there been?
Meredith: Liaisons? You mean meet-ups? I don't know. Once a month for six years, something like that.
Michael Scott: Meredith, why don't you tell Holly it's not what she thinks, nothing unethical happened, and that you just like to sleep around.
Meredith: Am I in trouble here or something?
Michael Scott: No. No. This is just a stupid formality.
Holly: No, it's not a formality. Now, were these meet-ups, just personal, unrelated to business?
Meredith: Nah. I wouldn't have done it if it wasn't for the discount paper. There's not a lot of fruit in those looms.
Michael Scott: For the love of God, we're trying to help you, you stupid bag.
Holly: What I don't understand is why the steak coupons? I mean, if you were already getting the discounted paper?
Meredith: Well, it's funny. Maybe it's a girl thing, but after we did it, when he would give me those coupons, I just felt good about myself. What's going on here? I thought I had immunity.

Pam: Wait. Don't you think the person who left the mess is the obnoxious one?
Andy: No, the note is way more obnoxious than the mess.
Meredith: "Sincerely, disappointed." Get off your high horse, Richy.
Pam: Just because someone likes things clean doesn't mean they're rich.
Meredith: Nah, they're rich.

Michael Scott: Meredith?
Meredith: I don't want to say it out loud.
Michael Scott: Okay. Fine. Come on up here. Write it yourself. And don't sign your name to it. And nobody look. Everybody look away. Look away.
[aside to camera:]
Meredith: Well, I really didn't want to put it on the board but I thought maybe it was gonna come out somehow. So, what are you gonna do? [she writes 'sex with a terrorist']

Meredith: You pick a crappy boss, you're responsible for my crappy life.

Meredith: Stop fighting. Just on St Patrick's Day, okay? Just one perfect day a year. No hassles, no problems, no kids.
Ryan: Why no kids?
Kelly: Yeah, where are your kids?
Meredith: Nope. Nuh-uh. Not today!

Jim: Okay, thought people read more books. DVDs. Five movies, what would you bring to the island? Yes, Meredith.
Meredith: Legends of the Fall, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Legally Blonde, Bridges of Madison County.
[later:]
Meredith: And Ghost. But just that one scene.