Phyllis: Mmm, let's hear her out. I would, uh, like to hear more about these cakes.
Meredith: I know these Ethiopians that run a cake shop.
Angela: Good God.
Meredith: They make these cakes that are wild. I mean, they show everything.
Pam: I don't- I don't think we want a-
Meredith: No, I know what you're thinking, but it's not just black. They do it all. And the women on these cakes, they're not just guys' fantasies. They have real, full women. It is refreshing.
Pam: Okay, don't turn this into some feminist issue.
Phyllis: As a person who buys a lot of erotic cakes, it just feels good to be represented on one.

Meredith: The weekend.
Michael Scott: Yeah! That's good. Come on up. Meredith, come up here. Let's do a little something. So Meredith and I just started conversing, and I will say, "So Meredith, how was your weekend? What did you do?"
Meredith: Well, I caught my son taking a dump on the upper part of the toilet.
Michael Scott: All right.
Meredith: He calls it an upper-decker.

Andy: Okay. Robert's in the annex, everybody think quick. What do these groups have in common?
Meredith: Maybe we're suposed to do it with people in our group.
Jim: That's not it.
Meredith: People in the other group.
Jim: Mmm, still wrong.

Andy: Thank you! Thanks. Thanks a lot. Really appreciate it. You guys are supposed to have my back, okay? Instead you let a guy named Plop steal my girlfriend.
Meredith: Hey, boss, I did everything I could. I invited Pete out for drinks, I emailed him shots of my junk....
Andy: Ugh.
Meredith: Kid doesn't have a romantic bone in his body.

Darryl: Andy, who punched you?
Meredith: Hey, I was on the can. What's this about a black guy in the office?
Angela: Black eye, Meredith.

Woman #3: I wanna know how everyone felt they were portrayed. Was it accurate?
Meredith: I got a beef with that. Um, for the first seven years, I was getting my PhD in School Psychology and they didn't show it. Yes, I was getting hammered but, hey, it was college.

Angela: I don't know if you guys have had a chance to use the new parking meters that accept credit cards, but Robert was instrumental in that legislation.
Kevin: Wow, that's awesome!
Oscar: A real David and Goliath story.
Robert: I'm just so touched that she's so interested in my work.
Angela: I am.
Meredith: The real problem is the teachers' union.
Angela: Zip it, Meredith.
Meredith: No. You tell me why my kid is 17 and still can't read.

Pam: I could get us a complaint.
Meredith: You? Little Miss Priss? You wouldn't fart on a butterfly.
Pam: No, I wouldn't. I can't even relate to that impulse. But I bet I could get us a customer complaint. I'd like to try.

Meredith: Michael? You ran over me with your car. You posted a picture of my bare boobs on the bulletin board with a caption that said "Gross"...
Michael Scott: Well-
Meredith: Michael, you are the reason I drink. You are the reason I live to forget.

Michael Scott: Did you know herpes affects one in five sexually active adults? Pippy Longstocking, Ronald McDonald's wife, Ron Howard, Ron Weasley. What do they all have in common? Red heads. Erin Hannon, come on up here to receive your Cutest Red Head in the Office Award!
Meredith: This is bull! [throws her Dundie]