Michael Scott: Okay, co-ed naked strippers in this office, for realsies.
Angela: Under no circumstance should a man strip off his clothes in this office.
Meredith: Shut up, Angela!

Intern: Um, Miss Palmer. Your last tetanus shot was when you were bitten by a bat a few months ago?
Meredith: Yes. Dwight here trapped it in a bag against my head.
Dwight K. Schrute: Just doing my job.
Intern: It also says you were recently bitten by a raccoon?
Meredith: And a rat. Separate occasions.

Meredith: Hey, there he is.
Jim: Hey, Meredith. How you feeling?
Meredith: I never thanked you for coming to the hospital.
Jim: Oh, please, it was my pleasure. Well, we all came, so-
Meredith: Well, I real appreciate you coming. I'm singling you out. Anyway, I have this sharpie. And I was wondering if you could sign my cast. [Meredith lifts up her blouse to reveal a cast around her pelvis.] Can you write where I can read it?
Jim: Oh, yep.
Meredith: [whispering] I'll read this when I get home.

Jim: Pam is staying late tonight to achieve her dreams. So I'm pretty proud of her. Unfortunately, she was my ride home.
Meredith: You comin'?
Jim: I...
Meredith: Piss or get off the pot.

Michael Scott: Well, let's keep this party moving on.
Meredith: I'll go. Have you guys ever met Bruce Myers, the Scranton rep for Hammermill?
Michael Scott: Bruuuuuuuce!
Meredith: Well, for the past six years, I've been sleeping with him in exchange for discounts on our supplies and Outback steakhouse gift certificates.
Jim: Jackpot.
Holly: Meredith, that is serious. I mean, not only is that a conflict of interest, but there's also an exchange of goods.
Meredith: Exchange of steak. Have you ever had sirloin steak, honey?
Michael Scott: That's crazy. That's crazy talk. The "Merenator", sleeping with suppliers.

Phyllis: Thank you, Meredith. This was delicious.
Meredith: Hey. Where's the steak sauce?
Kevin: I think we're out.
Meredith: I got some in my minivan somewhere.
Andy: Wait a second. How does the steak factor in again?
Kevin: I think she got it as a tip, but I don't know why she didn't just take cash.
Phyllis: I don't care what she's doing. I hope she just keeps doing it.
Stanley: Amen, just keep the ribs coming.

Meredith: I knew something bad was gonna happen today.
Oscar: You said that yesterday.
Meredith: Yeah, my neighbor got murdered.

Pam: Angela, you have to put a stop to this right now.
Angela: I will respect the results of the duel.
Pam: Of course you will.
Meredith: I call loser.

Oscar: You have your cats on Nanny Cam?
Angela: Yeah. I mean, I usually try to take leave when I get a new cat, but I'm out of vacation days. And this company still doesn't recognize cat maternity. When somebody has a kid, sure, take off a year.
Meredith: She's right. I had my 2nd kid just for the vacation.

Meredith: Niagara falls in October? Hells yeah!
Pam: Do you think that you could send in your RSVP card?
Meredith: No, I'll just tell you now. Easier.
Pam: Well, you have to choose a food option, and there's information in there about directions and lodging.
Meredith: I'll just have whatever's fanciest, unless there's ribs. I'll just get the other information the day of. I'll text you.
Pam: You're going to text me the morning of my wedding to ask for directions?
Meredith: Right.
Pam: And you will eat whatever is fanciest?
Meredith: Unless there's ribs.