Oscar: If you don't mind me asking-
Andy: Anything. You can ask me anything. I'm your wingman.
Oscar: It's just that, I've sat next to Angela for a very long, very long time.
Andy: Right-o.
Oscar: How could anyone stand that woman?
Andy: What?
Oscar: What do you see in her? - What do you see in Angela?
Andy: What do I see in Angela?
Oscar: I wanna know.
Andy: I see through a hard exterior to a little jelly in the middle. She is teaching me to be a better person. And she's working really hard on that. And she has the softest skin I've ever seen and I can't wait to have sex with her.
Oscar: You haven't had sex?
Andy: No.
Oscar: Are you guys waiting to get married, or?
Andy: Honestly, I don't know what we're waiting for.
Oscar: Andy, something is wrong with that woman.
Andy: What is wrong with her?
Oscar: I'd like to know. You should call and ask. I'd like to know what's wrong with her.
Andy: I should call her and ask her. What is wrong with her?
Oscar: Do it. Call her. Oh my god, don't call her Andy. Don't call her.

Oscar: "To whoever made the microwave mess. The microwave is a shared kitchen appliance. By not cleaning it up, you are telling whoever follows "that their time is less valuable, as they will have to scrub out your disgusting splatter. Sincerely, disappointed."
Andy: That is just obnoxious.
Oscar: No kidding.
Pam: Wait, what? The mess or the note?
Oscar: The note. So holier than thou.
Angela: Hmm. I liked it.

Oscar: Do you know?
Michael Scott: Do I know what?
Oscar: I think you know.
Michael Scott: No.
Pam: Know what?
Phyllis: Yeah, know what?
Oscar: Does anyone happen to know what 15% of 4,300 is?
Michael Scott: $645.
Kevin: Michael's a genius.
Oscar: Why did you say dollars?
Michael Scott: Because that is how my mind works.
Oscar: What's 15% of 200? [Michael is silent] Thank you. Everyone, Michael is returning the surplus so he can keep 15% as a bonus.

Michael Scott: Are you still having intercourse with her?
Oscar: What is wrong with you? She is engaged.
Michael Scott: Did you ever have intercourse in this office?
[Phyllis nods]
Oscar: Are you serious? Ugh. Where? Where? Where, Dwight?
Dwight K. Schrute: Seems like you already know where.

Oscar: I consider myself a good person. But I'm gonna try to make him cry.

Oscar: I want to get that image out of my head. The psychological issues that go behind licking a cat are not things I want to go into. Also, I'm pretty sure she coughed up a hairball.

Oscar: Do you risk telling him how you feel? Do you say something that you can barely admit to yourself?
Angela: Oh, God, what did you do? I mean, not that I approve of any of it but...
Oscar: I was stupid, I told him.
Kevin: Was he in to you in like a gay way?
Michael Scott: Moron, if he was there wouldn't be a story.
Oscar: He told me he wasn't gay. [everyone groans]
Michael Scott: Really sad.
Oscar: I'm not done yet.
Michael Scott: Oh, my God.
Oscar: A week later a friend of mine calls me up and he says, "I just saw him in a gay bar in Kansas City."
Michael Scott: Well, then it's a happy ending, because he was gay. You should call him!

Michael Scott: Alright, who's next? Where's Andy?
Oscar: He's on one of his honeymoons.
Michael Scott: What?
Oscar: He made non-refundable deposits on his honeymoons, so he's just knocking them off one at a time. I think today he's hot air ballooning and later he's got a couple's massage.

Michael Scott: Nobody panic. The good news is, they can't fire all of us, right?
Oscar: They can.
Michael Scott: No, they can't.
Oscar: Yes, they can.
Michael Scott: Well, Oscar, you don't know what the hell you're talking about.
Oscar: Michael, what do you think shutting down a branch is?

Michael Scott: I am offering you the opportunity of a lifetime, to come work for me.
Oscar: Do you have a business plan? A funding request? Market research? Financials?
Michael Scott: No, no, no.
Oscar: You need those things. Most new businesses, they don't make a profit till at least two years. And then your margins will be razor-thin. Best-case scenario, you don't cut yourself a salary for at least 5 years. Can you go five years without a salary, Michael?
Michael Scott: Okay.
Oscar: Five years?
Michael Scott: Okay. You already have the job. You don't have to convince me.
Oscar: It's just not prudent, Michael.