Dwight K. Schrute: Hello.
Jan: What are you doing here?
Dwight K. Schrute: We came here to eat dinner and to party. This is a dinner party, right?
Pam: Awesome!
Dwight K. Schrute: What is he doing here?
Angela: Yes, what are you doing here?
Michael Scott: Dwight is friend.
Dwight's babysitter: We weren't invited?
Michael Scott: You said that I could not invite Dwight because he was not part of a couple, and because we didn't have enough wine glasses. Dwight brought glasses and a person.

Jim: Of course.
Dwight K. Schrute: Get out of my way. I'll take care of this. Okay, what seems to be the problem, officers?
Officer #1: Not now, Dwight. We got a call about a disturbance?
Michael Scott: No. Nope. Nothing disturbing here. Just a couple of friends having an awesome dinner party.
Officer #2: Your neighbors said they heard some shouting.
Michael Scott: Yes, there was screaming, but... My girlfriend threw a Dundie at my TV. A plasma.
Officer #1: You want to press charges?
Michael Scott: Would she get into trouble?
Officer #1: Yeah, she'd be charged.
Michael Scott: I will take the fall. I did it.
Officer #2: You don't have to press charges. You could just try to be more quiet.

Phyllis: I have a friend who's single. Sandy. She's gorgeous and she's got a feisty personality too.
Michael Scott: Mmm. Feisty. So she's not jolly or sassy? Not like a jolly, sassy opera singer?
Phyllis: No, she's a professional softball player.
Michael Scott: Ooh. Catcher or in field?
Phyllis: I don't know, Michael.
Michael Scott: Is she a dress-wearer or a pants-wearer? Could we share a rowboat? Could a rowboat support her?
Phyllis: What are you asking?
Michael Scott: I think I'm being very clear what I'm asking. Would an average-sized rowboat support her without capsizing? It bothers me that you're not answering the question.
Phyllis: No, all right? No. She can't fit in a rowboat.
Michael Scott: Damn it! I knew it! I knew it, Phyllis! Okay.

Michael Scott: This place is packed!
Dwight K. Schrute: Fire hazard.
Michael Scott: Packed with beautiful babies! Swingers. Classic. Jon Favreau, tall guy from Dodgeball.
Dwight K. Schrute: Women look like white slaves.
Michael Scott: No, they're just hot. Hotties.

Ryan: Bottle service ya'll?
Michael Scott: Okay. All I know is I would like some chicken fingers and a Midori Sour.
Waitress: We don't serve food here.
Michael Scott: Okay. Then just bring me two cups, one with olives, and another one filled with maraschino cherries.

Michael Scott: Hey remember what we talked about in the car on the way out? "Only the best and the brightest"?
Pam: He's nice, and he seems interested.
Michael Scott: He's totally wrong, Pam. [to Justin] Hi. How you doin'? Listen, I don't think that a handsome, funny, smart, funny-looking kid like you should limit himself. You could do whatever you wanna do. You could be a classy janitor or a cashier with dignity or a migraine worker. Maybe for you, paper should be more of a hobby.
Justin: Sorry for wasting your time.
Michael Scott: Oh, no problem. And he signed! He put his name on the piece of- Okay, that was supposed to be a blank canvas on which to put their hopes and dreams, and he just made it into a stupid piece of paper. We need another one immediately.
Darryl: Yeah, the booth is lame without it.

Teen guy: Hello, there. What is this company?
Michael Scott: Well, it's funny that you should ask, because it's really more than a company.
Oscar: Dunder Mifflin. Paper.
Teen guy: Thanks.

Michael Scott: I want you to meet my family. Come on. Oscar Martinez, accountant extraordinaire. This is Justin.
Oscar: Hey.
Justin: Hi.
Michael Scott: This is Darryl Philbin. Isn't he big? And you already met her, Pam Beesly, office hottie. She will do you. No. No. But she has already dated two guys in the office, that we know of, so this could be number three, you never- Come here. I would never say this to her face, but she's a wonderful person and a gifted artist.
Oscar: What? Why wouldn't you say that to her face?

Michael Scott: This is your fault.
Jim: No.
Michael Scott: Your stupid "friend zone." I should've been lovers with her first and then friends. That was terrible advice. Terrible advice! You know my seduction method. I like to get in there and get my hands dirty. You sabotaged me. You sabotaged me, man.

Michael Scott: Welcome to Cribs, the Business class edition. Check this out. Mimosa.
Andy: Sweet!
Michael Scott: Handed it to me. As I sat down. This was my hot towel. It is still wet.
Andy: Michael G. Scott, rollin' like a pimp!