Kevin: Hey guys, it's my turn.
Andy: You can't go. You're dead. I shot you 5 moves ago.
Kevin: Yeah, I told you, you can't shoot people.
Darryl: I told you we're way past rules. We have been for some time now. We start having rules now, everything we've built collapses.
Kevin: Well, this is stupid and I want my money back. Where's the money?
Darryl: Yeah, where is it?
Kevin: Okay, you know what? I am never ever playing board games with you two again.
[outside, to camera:]
Kevin: And that is Dallas. [shows money]

Jim: Does it save time though? ‘Cause we've been here for about an hour.
Kevin: No me fault.
Pam: Kevin, at most you're saving a microscopic amount of time.
Kevin: Many small time make big time.
Andy: What are you gonna do with all this time?
Kevin: See world.
Pam: Kevin, you cannot possibly save enough time to see the world.
Jim: Kevin, are you saying "See the world"? or "Sea World?"
Kevin: See world. Oceans. Fish. Jump. China.
Jim: No, see? Right there, that's the problem with your method. ‘Cause I still don't know if you're saying "Sea World" or "see the world," and it's taking a lot of time to explain it.
Kevin: Fine, fine. I'll talk normally.
[aside to camera:]
Kevin: When me President, they see. They see.

Stonewall Host: Welcome to the Stonewall Alliance Trivia Championships! First prize is forty-five hundred dollars!
Kevin: Let's just do our thing, collect our hardware and get the hell home.
Stonewall Host: Riboflavin.
Kevin: [holds up "Robitussin"] Riboflavin?
Stonewall Host: Michigan. [Kevin holds up "a mitten"] The President of the United States is "P.O.T.U.S." [Kevin holds up "P.O.T.A.T.O."] John Steinbeck wrote The Grapes of Wrath. [Kevin holds up "The California Raisins"]

Kevin: We really don't do a lot of weddings. We actually don't play in public very often. We are all really hoping that Pam's wedding works out. This could be a turning point for the band.

Kevin: I had Martin explain to me three times what he got arrested for because it sounds an awful lot like what I do here every day.

Kevin: The bar uses an applause meter. That is why it is so important that you all come and applaud only for my band, Scrantonicity 2. Not Scrantonicity, which I am no longer a part of.

Kevin: We need to assemble the five families.
Michael Scott: No, not the five families.
Kevin: We have to!
[aside to camera:]
Kevin: The five families are the five companies of Scranton Business Park. The bosses rarely meet. There's Michael Scott, regional manager, Dunder Mifflin. Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration. Paul Faust of Disaster Kits Limited. They call him "Cool Guy Paul". W.B. Jones of W.B. Jones heating and air. Grade A badass. And Bill Cress of Cress Tool and Die. Bill Cress is super old and really mean.

Kevin: What an awesome party. The best wedding I've ever been too. I got six numbers. One more would have been a complete telephone number. This was epic. My Kleenex shoes were a huge conversation piece, but man my dogs are barking. [Kevin sticks his feet into the hotel ice machine] Woo. My feet were so sweaty I can't even feel the cold. What a lovely hotel.

Kevin: [singing and playing drums] Sun's in her eyes, tongue full of flies. Would you like to share my paaaaaaad?
All: Croak, croak, croak. Bullfrog in love. Croak, croak, croak. Bullfrog in love and I gave her the croak that meant I love you.
Darryl: I'll be your croak monsieur.
Andy: [falsetto] I'll be your croak madame.
Kevin: Your mama mighta said that bullfrogs are dogs, but I'm here to tell you that I am a frog! Come and sit on my log, you little pollywog.
Darryl: I find you absolutely ribbiting!
All: Croak, croak, croak. Bullfrog in love.
Andy: Croak, croak, croak. Bullfrog in love.
Kevin: Croak!
Andy: Ribbit!
Darryl: Scoopity-splash!

Phyllis: Okay, well, then I want an extra vacation day.
Angela: Pet Day! I want Pet Day back, no dogs.
Kevin: Put back everything in the vending machine except the fruit.
Dwight K. Schrute: I put everything back in the vending machine.
Kevin: Put everything back in the vending machine except... the fruit.